…to not want The Biter in my son’s nursery class?

[sellotape12]

My 2 year old has been in baby room since he was 12 months with a boisterous kid who’s prone to biting. He also pushes and snatches, which I know they all do… but my kid and this kid seem to wind each other up. When DS sees him in the playground he mimics the shouting and pushing.

DS recently moved up to the toddler room and seems so much happier. He’s doing sweet little things and being kind. The nursery has two toddler rooms, Green and Blue and DS is in Blue. A few weeks ago we politely and discreetly asked the nursery if there’s any way the other child might go into the Green room when he’s ready.

We just found out the biter will be going into Blue room too. I appreciate he’s just an innocent toddler and they’re all as bad as each other to some extent but I also feel a bit sad that he’s going to bring out the worst in my son! Am I awful?
AIBU to want my son and a boisterous biting toddler to be in separate classes at nursery?

Horrible way to talk about another child

It's probably no coincidence that your son and this child have been put in the same room where they can be managed together. Perhaps other parents have asked for their children not to be placed with either of them? Or maybe they have one member of staff who is a behaviour management ninja and they've deployed her/him in that room.

YABU. There'll be another biter, possibly even your own child. They do grow out of it.

I still chuckle when I think of one time my late mother was in hospital and the nurse looking after her was the same child who had bitten my DD years before aged about 2 (I didn't bring it up). She had turned into a wonderful adult

It's not the popular answer but no I wouldn't want my child in a class with a biter. But you do say your ds is having behavior similar so it seems they both need help learning not to bite push etc.

Well I got a laugh from it 😅

As for the OP I would have assumed any kids who egg each other on would be seperated if there's 2 rooms ???
Hopefully your son will change though now hes around other kids anyway. So fingers crossed

I really hope your son never struggles with anything in life, because being taught that the only way to handle any minor problem is to be sad and run away, is going to set him up for a poor existence in later life.

I guess do the kids actually wind each other up? I mean what I said in terms of if you are one of those mums who sees something that every kid is struggling with and assumes it's 1000 times worse for HER kid because they are a "special" when they aren't really. If you actually think it's more like your kid and the other kid particularly don't get on, then maybe separating them would be helpful for both of them.

It's mean to call a 2 year old child 'biter'.

When you say "poor child" I'm assuming you're referring to the child/children being bitten?

Why, it's literally a description of what he's doing. Don't be a biter if you don't want to be called biter, it's common sense.

People on this thread getting too dramatic, the OP obviously used it to refer to the child for anonymity.

I'd try to speak to one member of staff, the nicest/one you know best to try an organise a swap with a kid from the other room, or try to talk to a child's parents from the other room and ask if they want to swap and you can both make the case together with half the work/potential problems done with already. It will work much better if you pick an individual to approach rather than generally the whole class or staff.

I started out feeling a little sympathetic, we all want the absolute best for our kids, I get that. But then as you went on I just thought you sounded terribly precious. And then you referred to another child as “the biter” and you lost me. Many toddlers bite and are physical. The nursery obviously should try to minimise this, but at this age, it’s really not a concern. This notion that your lo will be influenced is a bit silly. Your lo may exhibit the same behaviour at some point himself because of his own un-met need. Are you going to assume then any undesirable behaviour in the future is because some other child has been a “bad influence”? You’re in for a shock once your lo is at school. And asking the nursery to put another person’s child in a particular room???!!! If you’re that bothered, ask for your own child to move. But honestly, I’d take a step back and leave off this other child. Any incidents that may happen, your beef is with the nursery, not the child.

I don’t think biting is normal in 2yr olds. They’re old enough to understand. Perhaps your child and the other child have been put together because other parents have complained about them both?

Concentrate on helping you child not bite and have alternative strategies if the other child goes for him.

Of course children should be taught not to do it. Doesn’t mean it isn’t developmental stage that a lot of children go through. It is normal for children of this age to bite.

I know their because I’m an early years teacher, with 18 years experience in nurseries and a degree in child development.

I don’t know why you’re getting so much stick for this, I would 100% feel the same
way. I have actively avoided kids like this my whole life. People saying two year olds don’t maliciously bite, sorry but I brought all four of my children up to know this is wrong so it is achievable and they do to a certain degree know what they’re doing at that age. Bringing attention to things like this in my experience however just seems to make it worse for the kid getting bitten as the biter sees they’re getting attention from doing it.

Actually it’s the prime age for children to go through this developmental stage. Completely normal.

YANBU. Sometimes people just don’t get on and it would have been super easy for them to allocate the other child to the green room.

Could you ask for your child to be moved to the green room?

What i get from this is your child is winding the other child up and hes reacting. Ask for your child to be moved

Everyone is jumping on OP because of her thread title but her post sounds reasonable enough. If the two children wind each other up why not separate them. It doesn't seem like there's an advantage to being in either class so the other child wouldn't lose out by being in the green room, and if OPs ds behaves better without this child being around then it makes sense for the nursery.

Wait til he goes to school then there will be a biter/hitter/kicker/thrower/hair puller in each classroom. It's a phase, or possibly a disability the young boy is facing. Nursery may accommodate you, but if they are the age group i thought it would be all as one.

This

Maby turn it around and think how you would feel if the "Biters" parents said they don't want their kid in the same room as a child that antagonises him. Your kid ain't innocent here either.

I think it would be reasonable to ask for your son to be in the other class - say they bring out the worst in each other, or just blame it on your son getting hyper around the other boy, so it doesn't sound like you're blaming the biter.

I’d be asking what steps nursery are putting in place to protect ds from biting and if there’s any phrases you could use at home with ds to support nursery in managing his behaviour when he’s and the other dc egg each other on.

i have 3 DDs and one was “the biter” - thankfully only her twin sister and to be fair, only when that twin was being deliberately annoying, but still. She’s 12 now and lovely. We have told her about the biting and joke about it now. I was a pincher and used to pinch my brother… I’m pretty well rounded in adulthood though. Yes it was a phase but my parents did manage my behaviour rather than just wait for me to grow out of it.

My kids have been in rooms with biters, hitters, tantrum throwers etc. Its never 'brought the worst out in them'. Sounds like your son is also a problem and the other parents are probably annoyed that their kids are having to be in a room with him.

Ah come on OP. You're a mother yourself, you surely know better than to talk about a child like that. I'm sure this post was fueled by some stress over the situation but you don't paint yourself in a reasonable light at all.