…to not want The Biter in my son’s nursery class?

[sellotape12]

My 2 year old has been in baby room since he was 12 months with a boisterous kid who’s prone to biting. He also pushes and snatches, which I know they all do… but my kid and this kid seem to wind each other up. When DS sees him in the playground he mimics the shouting and pushing.

DS recently moved up to the toddler room and seems so much happier. He’s doing sweet little things and being kind. The nursery has two toddler rooms, Green and Blue and DS is in Blue. A few weeks ago we politely and discreetly asked the nursery if there’s any way the other child might go into the Green room when he’s ready.

We just found out the biter will be going into Blue room too. I appreciate he’s just an innocent toddler and they’re all as bad as each other to some extent but I also feel a bit sad that he’s going to bring out the worst in my son! Am I awful?
AIBU to want my son and a boisterous biting toddler to be in separate classes at nursery?

It’s not ‘just a phase’ it’s awful and should be stopped and children should be kindly taught not to do that
It's absolutely a phase.

Of course they should be stopped & steps taken to minimise it recurring. Usually children grow out of it quickly.

It's not nice when it happens - I remember my DD being bitten by another child in creche, the mum was very blasé, I wasn't happy. But it was her 3rd child, my 1st, so she was a lot more relaxed.

I'm with you OP! I've come across a few "biters". I'm sorry but some parents need to deal with it and don't, just saying "it's a phase". Currently teaching my DS to "stick up for himself" as he's being targeted by a "biter". He is 3.5. I'm over saying tell the teacher, nothing gets done. Now I tell him to hit the "biter" as this is the only way to deter them.

The thing is op no one wants this kid in the same class as their kid but he has to go somewhere. If they do as you wish then it's like you're getting special treatment and it's not fair. Yabu.

My sympathies all the same. I had a kid In my sons class not being nice to my son and I know how shit it is. In my experience it's almost always the parent who is the problem and lets the child get away with anything with zero consequence.

It’s a 2 year old…

My child was the biter. Right from tiny. They would shred fabric with their teeth. My slings would be ruined. They would sink their teeth randomly in to my knee when pulling themselves up. And yes, they carried on biting well in to primary school.

No it wasn't parenting. I also brought up 2 non biting children. They were appropriately told off. They just.....did it. Goodness knows why.

They are also, very genuinely, a very empathetic, easy going, kind and loving person who made friends easily and within 2 minutes of entering an empty play park would have a gaggle of children around them. As a pre teen they are an honorary member of several other families.

Don't judge the biter. I get it, you don't want your kid being hurt but the biter will grow out of it one day. They won't really be doing it on purpose. Some kids just bite. It's a pretty common and fairly normal developmental phase

Obviously only in retaliation if DS gets bitten....not to just hit the biter for no reason

Then your child will be in trouble for hitting.

Now I tell him to hit the "biter" as this is the only way to deter them

That. Is. Insane.

Telling your 3.5 yo to hit! 😮

If you're not happy, talk to the staff, and escalate if needed. If they aren't listening to you, they aren't a good crèche / nursery, and you should remove your child.

The solution isn't to advise a small child to start hitting.

If your child was ready to move up and his happier in the older room it may be the same for the other kid too. Nursery have to do what’s best for all the kids not just you.

No it wasn't parenting. I also brought up 2 non biting children. They were appropriately told off. They just.....did it. Goodness knows why.

you’ll get told that’s bollocks on here. Of my 6 one was a biter and I was told on a thread before I must have neglected her and that’s why she was a biter. Or I obviously favoured her twin sister.

Biting is not a normal phase that all kids go through!

I don’t really understand what ‘non-biting’ children are supposed to do in these situations. Just go back to nursery day after day and weather it until the other child grows out of it? Sounds absolutely awful.

Tried talking to the teachers....might as well be talking to a brick wall

It's called learning to defend themselves.....the older they get the more important it is anyway. It's never to go first, only in self defence.

It’s a normal phase that very very many children go through.
its not remotely abnormal.

Its a bloody nightmare, but it’s not abnormal

They’re not. The staff should be dealing with it. Especially in situations where there is any fixation.

Part of the problem is nurseries don’t have the staffing to deal with it.

My DD had a member of staff practically at her shoulder while she went through that phase. As did the child who took to biting my DS. Pretty much no nurseries now have the staffing to deal with it effectively with heavy staff intervention/distraction techniques

I'm with you OP.
I had a child who fell victim to a 'biter.'
Needed hospital treatment and ongoing treatment for quite a while.
Nursery was so full of apologies.
Biter had done his deed to so many other children too.
But must be included.

Stick up for your child.

WTF your son is going to get in so many fights and stuff

This 100%

My daughter tried it for about a week then found screaming more effective. It's because she couldnt communicate well so got frustrated. I worked really hard on teaching her how to say no thanks. Give me space. I'm sad. I'm angry. Etc

Makes sense. I can imagine it would be hard to keep sending in your kid when sometimes they just can’t be watched all the time and they get bitten.

OP if I were you and your son is bitten repeatedly I would remove him from the setting. It might happen somewhere else but it might not.

Not all children but some do. A friend of mine (adult) told me she can remember biting another child when she was very young. She didn't intend to hurt them their flesh just looked inviting and bitable to her. Young children don't always understand the consequences of their actions.

It's called learning to defend themselves.....the older they get the more important it is anyway. It's never to go first, only in self defence.

Sorry but that's terrible advice. You can defend yourself without hurting.

If the staff won't listen to you, remove your DC. It's not a good setting.

IMO it's not

@Gingerface90

Have you older DC? Because I do. And that idea that they should physically defend themselves, starting at age 3.5, is going to lead to a whole lot of problems for them.

Can you elaborate?

@EarringsandLipstick sometimes as the child gets older self defence (and I include hitting back in that) is necessary sadly. I use the word sometimes and it's definitely a last resort but I still stand by what I say.

My friend's child got attacked at secondary school recently. If he'd have had the time to hit back he could've saved himself from harm but he didn't act in time and was badly hurt (bleeding face, bruises on arm etc). Do you honestly think words would've made any difference in that scenario? Surely in that scenario you can agree physical self defence in children is important?