…to not want The Biter in my son’s nursery class?

[sellotape12]

My 2 year old has been in baby room since he was 12 months with a boisterous kid who’s prone to biting. He also pushes and snatches, which I know they all do… but my kid and this kid seem to wind each other up. When DS sees him in the playground he mimics the shouting and pushing.

DS recently moved up to the toddler room and seems so much happier. He’s doing sweet little things and being kind. The nursery has two toddler rooms, Green and Blue and DS is in Blue. A few weeks ago we politely and discreetly asked the nursery if there’s any way the other child might go into the Green room when he’s ready.

We just found out the biter will be going into Blue room too. I appreciate he’s just an innocent toddler and they’re all as bad as each other to some extent but I also feel a bit sad that he’s going to bring out the worst in my son! Am I awful?
AIBU to want my son and a boisterous biting toddler to be in separate classes at nursery?

In a few weeks time he probaby won't be a 'biter' any more. Reminds me of the absolute horror my son went to nursery with, biting, scratching, throwing stuff. My dh and I worried about him all the time but my son seemed drawn to him anyway. They're now both 12yrs old, best friends and that former horror is a very intelligent, kind gentle kid. My point being, 2yr olds change very quickly, unless your son is actually being harmed I wouldnt worry too much.

I was in almost this exact position with my first OP, third child later and I now know better. I didn’t know better though with my first and I was really concerned about a child sending mine off the rails - in preschool! This other child was turning mine into a kid I didn’t recognise… but obviously I’ve since realised that this is all part of growing up, and learning, and they are going to meet all sorts of different characters in life this is just the start - as a friend told me at the time, you can use this as a way to teach your child what not to do. You have no control on others behaviours. So I totally get where you are coming from, I was there, but hopefully everyone’s replies has helped you understand the situation a bit better x

Your child mimics this child? What you really mean here is your child also bites and acts in the way “the biter” does. How do we know the parents of said “biter” haven’t also requested your child be removed from the class? Biting is very common in young children and unless this other child is following your precious son and biting him repeatedly making marks on him, I don’t think it’s really a problem. He’s going to go through his whole life having to deal with difficult situations and if you remove him every time something happens, he will grow up with no resilience whatsoever and unable to cope with daily struggles.
Also, if the other child is the problem, could it be that he has additional support needs that you are unaware of? This is also something your child will be exposed to, rightly so, and it’s important that he grows up to be accepting and inclusive.
You have no right to request that another child be removed from the class because he displays the same undesirable behaviour as your own child. If it’s really a problem then you should ask for your own child to be removed, not someone else’s.

What are you going to do when he starts school, then secondary a school, school clubs, social events etc. Ask them all to keep kids that play up out.
You just sound snobby and entitled!

You’re being too hard on the other child (so sad that you’re calling him “the biter”.)

My generally very sweet and gentle son went through a biting phase at nursery. I remember crying in the parking lot with the very kind nursery manager because I was so worried about how the other parents and the staff would view him. We worked hard on redirecting his behaviour and he grew out of it. Maybe this little boy will too, or has already?

Work with your son on his own behaviour and how he interacts with this boy, and if your son is being bitten or hurt by this child, then have a chat with the staff about what they’re doing as they need to be on the ball to keep the other kids from getting hurt. But give the kid a chance. He might already have made progress, and he’s only little.

I’ve not read any further than your title. How horrible to say that about a child.

Not just saying that as a childcare professional but as a parent and as a human being.

That’s dreadful op. Seriously. 😧

The was a biter in my daughters baby room too. Bit her on the eyelid. She looked like she´d been punched in the eye for days.
I don´t think your try was unreasonable, for who wants that twice? I am slightly surprised the nursery haven´t taken the non-confrotational option. Knowing your kid and the biter rub each other up the wrong way, it would have been sensible. But then, don´t they say common sense is the least common of all senses?

So if all parents felt the same was this child supposed to be isolated in a different toddler room with no one else? 🙄 What about if the other parents say the same about your kid? How would that make you feel?

Honestly, I thought this was going to be about not wanting your kid to be with a toddler who keeps biting him, which I could sort of understand, but it’s not even that? To label a small toddler as a bad influence is beyond ridiculous. They’re toddlers, they all throw themselves on the floor screaming at some point, they all snatch and push and shove sometimes, they all eat crisps off the floor on occasion. Eventually they grow out of it. Don’t take it so seriously. Oh and sorry to say OP but as your child grows they will meet many other children, some you will like some you will not, and you’ll have very little control over who they are friends with. Get used to the idea!

My son was the pushing / hitting toddler. He had significant SEN. Obviously I felt awful guilt at the time. We have almost graduated primary and I personally am ever grateful for the other parents who ensured my boy was still included and never felt left out despite his occasional behaviours.

Now they are older some of the parents have said they were so glad their own children got to experience the challenges around SEN. It’s helped them understand differences, learn kindness patience and respect. It wasn't always easy for the other children but ultimately none of them copied that behaviour and have become kind, resilient pre teens.

Obviously the aggressive behaviour needs to be corrected and I have no idea if it’s related to SEN but my point being that even more challenging children can have a positive influence on your own as long as you talk to them and help them understand things at home.

Oh to have the privilege of being the parent of the bitee rather than the biter. The latter is the genuinely difficult position @sellotape12.

By the way, the parents of "The Biter", probably call your kid "The Soft Twat with That Vapid Mother". That ok, right? While we're name calling and labelling children?

I don’t think they’re on Mumsnet.

God some of the dramatics on here 🙄 ‘calling a child such a horrid name, oh the inhumanity… sob sob’ - goodness me - really, get a grip.

Every normal parent is pissed off when their own child is hurt by another, regardless of their young age, and biting is so sharp and painful.

I don’t think you’re unreasonable op. It may be within the bounds of what is ‘normal’ behaviour for that age-group but that doesn’t mean it is behaviour that should be ‘normalised’ or acceptable.

But it's still not reasonable to ask for that child to be moved. It would be reasonable to ask for her own child to be moved although that would involve swapping with another child whose parents might well object.

In any case it's not clear that her child has been bitten just that he is mimicking the other child - does that mean he is biting too? She needs to sort that out herself but I think the OP is long gone.

God some of the dramatics on here 🙄 ‘calling a child such a horrid name, oh the inhumanity… sob sob’ - goodness me - really, get a grip.

You're disgusting.

The OP hasn't told us which football team he supports.

Sorry but 'The Biter' really made me laugh 😂

What a horrible thing to call a child! You sound like the sort of parent that would stand in a playground a whisper loudly about other children to other parents and telling your child to avoid them - it's nasty and cruel. They are 2 years old, they don't yet know how to manage or control feelings or how to fully understand them or make themselves understood. The child may also have additional needs that mean they don't always understand that it's wrong or it may take some time to teach them. If you say anything, you immediately become the precious kind of parent, other parents can't stand and teachers too, the one who thinks their little darling can do no wrong! Please don't say anything, I understand it's upsetting but don't blow it out of preportion, just ask school how they will manage things and what is being done to encourage kind behaviour, but being boisterous you'll have to live with - it describes most 2 year olds

No every normal parent thinks 'these things happen with 2 year olds' Let's not blow it out of preportion, a 2 year old may bite, pull hair etc they are not giving other 2 year olds a good pasting! I think it's perhaps those pissed off parents that need to get a grip

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable, I would feel exactly the same. However probably not much you can do, apart from ask for your child to be moved unfortunately