…to not want The Biter in my son’s nursery class?

[sellotape12]

My 2 year old has been in baby room since he was 12 months with a boisterous kid who’s prone to biting. He also pushes and snatches, which I know they all do… but my kid and this kid seem to wind each other up. When DS sees him in the playground he mimics the shouting and pushing.

DS recently moved up to the toddler room and seems so much happier. He’s doing sweet little things and being kind. The nursery has two toddler rooms, Green and Blue and DS is in Blue. A few weeks ago we politely and discreetly asked the nursery if there’s any way the other child might go into the Green room when he’s ready.

We just found out the biter will be going into Blue room too. I appreciate he’s just an innocent toddler and they’re all as bad as each other to some extent but I also feel a bit sad that he’s going to bring out the worst in my son! Am I awful?
AIBU to want my son and a boisterous biting toddler to be in separate classes at nursery?

So we are namecalling other children now? What a shameful behaviour.

Well then your experiences have led you to misinterpret reality.

Great parents can have a child who goes through a phase of biting. Great parents can have a child who gets lost in drugs.
No idea how old your dc are but at some point every parents gets a rude awakening
If a parent thinks their dc has navigated through life never being the issue then that parent is deluded

@CaptainMyCaptain

Then your child will be in trouble for hitting.
Tbh if someone is physically assaulting me I will 100% do what is needed to get them off me. I'm not standing around allowing someone to hurt me.

I don't expect as child to either. It's misguided to think all violence is wrong.
If someone was attacking my dc I would fight them off. If a dig was attacking me I would kick the shit out of them. If dinners biting me, too right I'd hit them.

Apologies for the typos. I'm sure you can work out what I am meaning to say!

So.your son will be known as "the hitter "
This doesn't make you sound like the perfect parent you think you are ...

If someone attacked me or my child on the street I would fight back. You are advocating violence in school. What usually happens when children are told to do this is they hit out 'because so and so was going to bite me/hit me' and it escalates. It is bad advice and never works out. Your child will be in trouble for hitting at school.

Why is yours ‘mimicking’ when in reality they’re both biting?

It’s a horrible phase they go through. I hope you and they can nip it in the bud.

@x2boys where did I say I was the perfect parent 🤣🤣

I think it's @EarringsandLipstick who is holier than thou saying I'm a terrible parent.

There's more than 1 way to skin a cat so to speak, and since when was there a black or white way to raise a child - seems to be lots of views on this these days

As in lots of approaches and methods...gentle is the "in" one now.... what will it be in 10 years

All these people upset with the term 'biter' - it's an easy way to describe what's happening etc.

No one is being hurt by a word - don't be upset on other people's behalf 🤦‍♀️🤣

When DS sees him in the playground he mimics the shouting and pushing.

I've got a 2 year old that's went up to the toddler room a couple of months ago, too. There is also a child that bites in his class, unfortunately - but it's one of those things.

He's sadly also picked up various bad habits from other kids, like going through a few days of wiping his nose on my sleeve, etc. It's grim but that's what you have to focus on - stopping your son from replicating bad behaviour. Not the child that bites. They could grow out of biting tomorrow, and the child that takes his place could be a rampant biter just going into that phase...

You can't control who he'll be around, in nursery or school. You can only control how he reacts.

Oh my god I can’t described a child like that

Ask for your dc to be moved to green room or move nurseries. You do know your dc could become to quote you 'the biter' next week. You don't label a child like that. For that yabu

What you need is the nursery staff to be on the ball here.
Kids bite. They're wild little critters at that age 😁. What's needed is staff knowing who's currently prone to gnawing on their classmates and being ready to thwart them.

Toddlers are going to do toddler things. It's just how they are. It's the job of the adults caring for them to jump in.

There's nothing wrong with a parent not wanting their kid to be bitten or pushed.

Nah, if a kid is a biter, then they're a biter.

There will always be a biter, a hitter ... that kid you don't want your kid to play with, you can't protect them from the all. I work with children and I will say that when you get 2 children that rub each other up the wrong way, they're both usually as bad as each other (1 slightly worse than the other), but the parents always think that the other child is the worst and is causing all the issues.

The other room will have people who kick hit and bite. It's part and parcel of toddlers

I would ask for your own child to be moved. Rather than trying to exert control over another child’s classroom placement

If they wind each other up then you have to accept your child is partly responsible, what is he doing to get a reaction from the child. It’s not like the child targets him - which I would be expecting intervention, maybe you he other child has been happier too.

Is it not a good opportunity to sit down with your son and explain? We've had all sorts of conversations with our 2yo about neurodiversity and consent - things I never thought I would be at this age - but have done so in an age appropriate way.

It worries me more your child is copying the behaviour- I think it's worth finding out more about this and working with the nursery to put strategies in place - might be better for your child's development than just avoiding situations they might be faced with in the future.

OP, my son was bitten badly on his face. It was horrible and took nearly 2 months to heal. Nursery seemed quite blase about it, so we made our upset quite clear as we had no faith they would prevent any similar incidents. I didn't blame the child at all - as others have said, it is a normal phase that many children go through, but I definitely did blame the nursery. Given they know it's an issue at that age, they need to have effective strategies in place to prevent it, especially if it's just one or two kids doing it frequently. I do agree though that the increased ratios are a problem here as they don't have enough staff to allocate one person to watch the biter like a hawk.

No need to pearl clutch about calling the kid the biter - it's a descriptor to differentiate the kids.

People teaching their kids to tell a teacher when someone is violent towards them are living in cloud cuckoo land. Schools are woefully inadequate at dealing with bullies and your kid then just gets bullied even more for being a "tattle tale". Absolutely teach them not to start anything themselves, but a hit back is exactly how you stop bullies. I was the most well-behaved goody two shoes at primary but my mum always told me to hit back if I needed to. Luckily didn't happen too often but gave me the confidence to hit back against one boy in year 4 and another in year 6. Neither troubled me again and I didn't get in any trouble for defending myself.

But OK if they ask for 'the biter' to go in a different class and bite other children?

Not necessarily. I had a girl in my Reception class who had always been as good as gold who suddenly bit another child for no apparent reason. It happens.

I think the nursery is BU for telling you that the other child bites unless you got that info solely from your child? They are not allowed disclose that information.