To expect partner to help with paying for food shops?

[Lunluna09]

So I earn between 1.9-2k a month, my partner earns 1.9k so more or less the same.

We live together and I have a child from a previous relationship, and also a car, which he does not.

The household bills are almost £1700 a month, and he currently pays £600 towards this, which is fine as my car means my share is higher.

My issue is I also pay for every food shop, and also all the petrol, and I drive him around frequently. He thinks he pays his fair share in his words and doesn't need to pay more. I buy all his essentials, deodorant, etc

I'm currently spending £1800 a month on the rest of the bills, food/ essentials for the three of us and petrol and it's bleeding me dry, I've got nothing to put aside, ive had two flat tires this month and nothing to fall back on and I'm really struggling. I've brought it up to him and it's very much 'youll need to cut down on things' with no offer to help out even one week a month with doing a food shop.

He's terrible with money and never has anything left after the first week. If I mention needing more he makes me feel like I'm being unreasonable asking for money from him. He also frequently asks to borrow what little money I have from me through the month as he never has any.

AIBU?

Yes he should be paying food. Why on earth does he feel he shouldn't??

Fuck that.

Interesting

one poster thought she should pay more and one (me) pointed out that on other threads that’s been said by many more people so there’s a bit of inconsistency

no one mentioned domestic work at all

You’re saying there’s an expectation that a partner support the child, pay their expenses, etc. I understand that the state (to some extent) expects that. I wonder if you’d be so strong on this view on one of the posts where the man has the children though?

how is the patriarchy supporting him when he’s obligated to support a child that’s not his? (I’m not saying that obligation isn’t right, just asking how that’s in his favour)

Why do you have to live with him, I always say enjoy a shag and kick em out the door.

Brilliant!😂

And you're spending way too much on that waste of space

Are you listening to everyone @Lunluna09

If he benefits from the car, he contributes towards it. Maybe not half, but not far off.

So you're paying approx £900 a month to live with him? 😳 Has he got a solid gold cock?

My partner doesn’t drive. I pay for all my cars and they benefit from being driven around sometimes. I’d feel very petty to start asking for a share of costs

There are cuts you can make: reduce your food bill by 1/3 and no extra car journeys apart from your personal travel.

seriously, you need to have a grown up conversation about his poor money management before he bleeds you dry - which he will as he’s showing immature traits

What kind of man can't buy his own deodorant?!

I agree with much of this @Britpop123IMO if you’re married and have came to an agreement I think maybe it’s different. However, if I was unmarried and living with a man with a child and we earned the same I’d expect them to pay more overall . Especially in this case when OP will also (hopefully) be getting maintenance from the father since she has the kid 6 days a week.

I tend not to date guys with kids to begin with but I once got talking to a man who I think was looking for someone who would eventually move in and go halves. I pointed out to him a significant amount of the joint earnings would be leaving the household each month to pay for his child who lived with his ex. She didn’t even work so that wouldn’t be a great deal for me - working to hand over money for him to give to his ex.

Although as I have said upthread this guy is taking the piss . He’ll be saving hundreds at OP’s expense. I don’t know why you wouldn’t think to pay for your own food.

Course you should take his advice and cut back on things. Things like his food, his toiletries, driving him around, all the shit he's not paying for, basically. Then you'll have enough money to save and he can stop pissing his away on crap! Or if he can't, that's not your problem. He needs to realise what his fair share is, stop carrying him and using your DC's money to fund his selfishness.

I'd be more concerned as to where his money is going if he is broke after a week, and borrowing from OP. Awful money management is not a good look at all. And a whinging miser would close up my nether regions like a clam anyway.

Substance abuse of some sort and/or gambling is my guess.

Seems like the most sensible solution.

Oh God I hate threads like this, he thinks he can pay £600 and have his entire rent, bills and food covered?? He is totally taking the piss and is financially abusing you, which he will be 100% aware of.

Why are you buying his deodorant etc. is that because he thinks you should pay for some reason or because he's disorganized and doesn't buy stuff like that for himself when it runs out?

I really hope OP realises this sooner rather than later. He's stealing from her child too.

op says she takes him to work. I took that to mean every day.

You could split the food bill into thirds if you want to be super fair and you pay 2/3 for you and your child - he pays the other third.

If he won't do that at the very minimum then you need to get him to move out. I bet all your bills would significantly reduce as soon as he wasn't there.

If you are driving him around in the car more than once a week or so then he should also be paying towards petrol and wear and tear costs. Petrol at the very minimum.

He should also be paying his fair share for outings and treats etc. Why are you covering all of those?

Do you really need to ask 🤷🏻‍♀️

I've brought it up to him and it's very much 'youll need to cut down on things'

Well quite. So you cut down on hs toiletries, his food, his lifts, his 'loans' and anything else you pay for that benefits him.

Or I'll tell you what, never mind all the this and that, just cut him out. Get rid. If he gets half as cushy a life as he has with you for £600 a month I'll eat the entire stock from John Lewis's hat department.

Haven't read any replies because I don't need to. Who's picking your bags up?

Public transport for all journeys that include your partner. He pays for his items in the supermarket. He puts them
in his own basket or trolley. He pays more/half towards the shopping. If not stop going to the supermarket for him. Get food for you and your child only. The bills and costs of your home have to be paid equally by him.