To ask my parents for financial help

[concernedchild]

I'm 24, I live at home (I know this will attract a lot of criticism but I cannot afford to move out).

I earn £1300 a month after tax etc.

After saving for professional exams (I have to pay for them, I get no help from work) I'm left with £650 per month. Of this I have to pay for uni, all my own expenses and travel to work, as well as other savings.

I'm left with about £75 at the end of each month. From this £75 I contribute what I can to the house but it's not a lot. I feel like a failure. If my friends ask to meet up I have to say no because I can't afford it.

Travel alone is £200 per month. I can't make it any cheaper. Uni is £100 per month. My expenses aren't extravagant - I'm paying for my uni course, my phone, Spotify etc., I'm not spending hundreds on my nails or getting sun beds or anything like that.

I want to approach my parents and ask for some help with the exams but I feel like a total failure for even having to ask. The plan when I moved in after uni was for me to save up and move out, but I had to move company and took a pay cut. I can't relocate my job (I'm on a training contract and I'm unlikely to get another one).

I feel like I'm sinking. I'm working for basically nothing, I can't afford to grab a coffee on my lunch break or even go out at the weekends. I'm trying my hardest to get by but it's having such an effect on me mentally that I feel like giving up and quitting my job all together to find something in a supermarket that's better paid.

Am I being unreasonable to ask them for help? I don't expect them to say yes, I'm expecting them to say no, but I feel like I'm at my wits end. I don't see a point in anything because I feel like I'm wasting my time working and not getting anywhere financially, I feel like I'm behind my peers and I just can't do it anymore

You’re not being unreasonable. I would definitely support my children with something like that financially and would feel proud of them for studying etc

In your position if you feel awkward or guilty about asking your parents for financial help then, instead, ask them for advice. Share with them all the facts and figures and ask them what they think they’d do in your situation. They may think of something you haven’t (maybe unlikely…) or they may offer to help you financially.
if they don’t offer then perhaps it’s a good way to start the conversation at least, so you can show you’re trying to find another option before asking them to help.

I bit the bullet and asked, we're chatting about it tonight. My dad's reaction has me hopeful for the outcome though

Ah this is so sad. I don't know why you're being given such a hard time. It's heartbreaking to be working hard and feel you can't even have a little treat. When I was at college as an adult learner I had to fit it around 2 minimum wage jobs just to pay bills and was living off the food work was throwing out and free coffees on shift. It is so demoralising.

On the other hand I think it's mad your parents could have 100s of 1000s in the bank and may not say yes to a loan, not even a gift. If I was in their position I'd pay for my kids professional exams no questions asked. I hope they do help and it's great from your updates that your dad is open to it. Best of luck and hopefully things ease up and you get this help you desperately need.

OP I’m a solicitor though I’ve not worked as one in years . I just wanted to tell you to hang in there . It sounds like you had a lot of work experience before you started with your first firm which is a good sign and shows that you were committed and have a good work ethic . When you come to applying for roles post qualification you will still have those qualities.

I hope your discussion with your parents goes well . Do not give up on qualifying and be discouraged by those telling you it’s hard to get a job post qualification . Even if that proves to be the case being a solicitor has value in many other fields .

Can you offset any tax (and claim for previous years) for your professional registration and associated course costs? You may need advice on this?

have you checked for any course discounts through your employer? I ended up with discounted course fees as my employer wouldn’t pay but was classed as a discounted entity.

Best of luck OP, I hope it goes well with your mum and dad x

I think you are incredibly sweet and responsible person! Your parents raised you well! I keep my fingers crossed for your conversation with them tonight, I'm sure they will help. :) Good luck with your exams!

Thank you everyone. I feel sick thinking about it but it's my own fault, I'm being silly and overthinking

Ask for help. I'd help my child if they were at your age and needed help and I could afford it.

Op if you were my DD l would be so proud of your committment to your future career, that l would happily loan you a decent amount to keep you going, only to be paid back when you are were comfortably off.
I am sure they will feel the same..
Oh and don't give up, you will soon be in a very different position, the very best of luck to you.

Just a post to wish you the best of luck with your exams and career.

Many comments on here refer to your story not adding up, the TC being unacceptable or making a silly financial decision to self fund.

As someone who self-funded their LPC many many years ago and had to work as a paralegal afterwards for 3 years before obtaining a TC I understand how hard and disheartening this can be. My parents allowed me to live at home without making any contributions because money was tight and I was actively working towards improving myself and it sounds like your parents are just as wonderful.

I’m qualified now, have been for many years and mentor juniors just starting their career. It gets better I promise!

No, don’t tell yourself you’re silly. You’re reaching out for a bit of help, that’s all, we’ve all been there. You’re a hard/working, conscientious 24 year old with a great future once you’re over this bump. Your original firm closing was a bit of bad luck that could happen to anyone, after all.

You could always ask for it as a loan and ask if you can pay it back when you have qualified and are in a higher earning job.
Don't give up on your qualification whatever happens.
Is there no option for a student loan at this pointor sleak with Uni see if they have any hardship funds or anything like that.
I hope your parents can help you I would always help my DD's if I had the money.

I've put together a repayment plan starting from the first loan payment, hopefully they're okay with that

Speak to them. Give full and Frank disclosure. They may not realise how much you are struggling and may be horrified.

If they are in a position to help I very much suspect they will.

Hi OP! I work within a recruitment team at a large law firm - have you tried reaching out the early careers teams within other companies to see if there is anyway to transfer your training contract across?
You are working hard and doing well! You will look back on all this as worthwhile!

This is entirely wrong. It might have been the case 20 years ago but now, unless you come from Oxbridge and get in with the big five, you are highly unlikely to get a firm to pay for LPC/SQE.

The other horrendous thing is the sheer pittance law firms pay paralegals and trainees, often minimum wage, for the opportunity of working for a firm where you might get a training xonteact.

There are loans available (post grad loan could pay LPC/SQE). They also have online campus at University of Law, meaning you wouldn't need to travel for exams and classes.

I'm sure they just have no idea how bad the situation is, and you're thinking the absolute worst because you're stressed and exhausted.

You seem like you are doing everything you can. You deserve to have some respite like seeing friends! I hope the conversation will go well, your request is very reasonable.

24 is such an awkward age for professional careers. By the time you’re 30 you’ll be in such a good place earning wise and the struggles of 24 will be a distant memory this is just the tricky bit! Especially when you have friends on grad jobs who aren’t working towards extra qualifications.

My kids are little at the moment but if I had the money and they were struggling I would just pay for the exams. Not a loan, this is part of your education. In the same way I would have paid for nursery, wrap around care, tutors, sports, driving lessons, student halls etc without expecting to be paid back.

You’re still in education, you aren’t quite able to be financially independent yet and that’s okay, very soon you will be.

Stick at it OP. Every qualified solicitor here will tell you it's no mean feat if your not at a large firm where they throw money at all your fees etc.

The smaller firms outside of of main cities really do get to take the piss with their TC offerings, as they know graduates are so desperate for one.

Your nearly there do not pack it in.

Absolutely ask your parents for a loan/gift sit down with them work through your finances together and possible repayment options that allow you to live a bit!

Also don't forget your student loan amount would have been impacted by their earnings/savings so it is expected parents help their children

Good luck in your exams

Yes this is very true, I received the minimum amount of student loan because of their earnings

Yeah it's such a strange age, I have friends who left uni and went into totally different career paths who are now earning and completely independent, others aren't and I guess that's just how it is

I would ask and have asked for multiple occasions where we have needed help over the years and if my kids ask me in the future I will do everything I can to help to help them out.

I don't get the Mumsnet Mantra of being essentially cut off for support from your family at 18 and that it only means something if you paid for it all by yourself - absolute BS. Life is expensive and even working your arse off can get you absolutely nowhere financially