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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask my parents for financial help

589 replies

concernedchild · 20/03/2024 08:47

I'm 24, I live at home (I know this will attract a lot of criticism but I cannot afford to move out).

I earn £1300 a month after tax etc.

After saving for professional exams (I have to pay for them, I get no help from work) I'm left with £650 per month. Of this I have to pay for uni, all my own expenses and travel to work, as well as other savings.

I'm left with about £75 at the end of each month. From this £75 I contribute what I can to the house but it's not a lot. I feel like a failure. If my friends ask to meet up I have to say no because I can't afford it.

Travel alone is £200 per month. I can't make it any cheaper. Uni is £100 per month. My expenses aren't extravagant - I'm paying for my uni course, my phone, Spotify etc., I'm not spending hundreds on my nails or getting sun beds or anything like that.

I want to approach my parents and ask for some help with the exams but I feel like a total failure for even having to ask. The plan when I moved in after uni was for me to save up and move out, but I had to move company and took a pay cut. I can't relocate my job (I'm on a training contract and I'm unlikely to get another one).

I feel like I'm sinking. I'm working for basically nothing, I can't afford to grab a coffee on my lunch break or even go out at the weekends. I'm trying my hardest to get by but it's having such an effect on me mentally that I feel like giving up and quitting my job all together to find something in a supermarket that's better paid.

Am I being unreasonable to ask them for help? I don't expect them to say yes, I'm expecting them to say no, but I feel like I'm at my wits end. I don't see a point in anything because I feel like I'm wasting my time working and not getting anywhere financially, I feel like I'm behind my peers and I just can't do it anymore

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
astarsheis · 20/03/2024 14:52

Well I can only speak for myself and my husband, but we have always supported our children through education. They both have student loans but we also paid for DC's masters.
Your parents can see that you are hardworking and will have a good job when you qualify.
You sound mature and switched on and I am sure they know that and will hopefully support in your future plans.
If you were mine, I would be very proud of you.
Good Luck X

MeridianB · 20/03/2024 14:52

You're studying and working as hard as you can, budgeting and living a really frugal lifestyle while keeping a really worthwhile target in sight. Please don't call yourself a failure when you're doing so well.

Don't be afraid to ask for help!

BellaVita · 20/03/2024 14:52

Good luck OP with your chat tonight with mum and dad. I am sure you will feel a sense of relief once you have spoken to them.

If you were my child I would help you.

beatrix1234 · 20/03/2024 14:53

You’re 24, in uni and working, that’s a lot in your plate. I don’t know what’s your family situation but if your parents have money they should absolutely help you out, if they are poor and can’t help you out then I understand.

Original poster
concernedchild · 20/03/2024 14:54

Thanks everyone! I'm trying to calm myself down and have a list of things I want to say to them to try and reassure them that I will be as committed as possible to paying them back - for example if my savings go above £1500 (my monthly salary plus a little buffer) I will pay back 10% of the outstanding loan, and I will make overpayments each month if I feel able to.

Is it cheeky to suggest a separate account is set up for the repayments, or is that a step too far?

OP posts:
Ariela · 20/03/2024 14:55

Re the babysitting, find out the local rate for babysitting, and ask for a bit below that, or what you feel is affordable for them. Say you are sorry but you have limited time available with studying, and you need to earn as much extra as you can because you're having to self-fund the course, so you do have to start charging a little. Why should you be being taken advantage of when you need the ££?

Kelly51 · 20/03/2024 14:56

I'm surprised that you live at home with quite wealthy parents and they're unaware that you're struggling or that they've never offered help.

Original poster
concernedchild · 20/03/2024 14:57

Kelly51 · 20/03/2024 14:56

I'm surprised that you live at home with quite wealthy parents and they're unaware that you're struggling or that they've never offered help.

As I've said before - I feel it is tacky to bring up my financial situation when I know they have money

OP posts:
Diamondcurtains · 20/03/2024 14:57

Absolutely ask. I’d definitely help my kids if I could without hesitation. It’s not like you’re wasting money so yes ask.

Kelly51 · 20/03/2024 14:57

I received the minimum amount of student loan because of their earnings
did they support you at all?

Original poster
concernedchild · 20/03/2024 14:58

Kelly51 · 20/03/2024 14:57

I received the minimum amount of student loan because of their earnings
did they support you at all?

I used my overdraft, my dad paid it off for me once. They would send me the money to come home at the end of term

OP posts:
MirageAC · 20/03/2024 14:59

Hi OP,

My sister trained as a solicitor and was paid peanuts during her training and paid for exams etc. My uncle was able to help but only because my sister asked. So if you have a good relationship with your parents, I would ask for help and see what they say.

Definitelynotfailing · 20/03/2024 15:05

OP, I really wanted to come on this thread and let you know that you are not, contrary to what some PPs seem to be suggesting, in some kind of odd position that you've been foolish to find yourself in.

There are lots of firms that expect to you to self-fund for all sorts of reasons, and going down that route doesn't make you a fool by any means, nor does it mean you'll end up without a job on qualification or working for a two bit firm.

I self-funded and although it was financially tough, on qualification I wasn't beholden to any firm and was able to move where I wanted to. This included twice in the first few years for health salary increases, while my funded peers were still tied to their firms or in some cases got out of law altogether because they hitched their wagon to a horrible firm. In the recruitment process I've only ever had positive comments about self-funding (most people expressing a view that it indicated a real dedication to the process).

Now I'm doing extremely well, working as a Senior Associate in a very reputable firm (which by the way has decided from this year it is no longer funding), having paid off all my LPC debt from my NQ salary in the first couple of years.

If you have any questions or just want to chat, send me a message.

Chanxex · 20/03/2024 15:06

Good grief. If your parents have money of course ask them. I’m suprised they haven’t offered to help you out already. I would prob have offered to pay your fees so you can afford to live. It’s a temporary situation you’ll be much more comfortable in a couple of years. By that I mean they’d only be helping you temporarily and it wouldn’t be for more than a couple of years when you qualify

tkwal · 20/03/2024 15:09

You're not being unreasonable in asking for help, there are a few things to consider

  1. Are your parents comfortably able to lend the money
  2. Are there no grants/student loans available to you ?
  3. Will completing your course increase your earning ability?How long will that take ?
  4. Can you make a realistic promise to them about how much you will pay back and when ?
Compared to other posters on MN I have to say you sound as though you have your head screwed on. You're willing to sacrifice in order to enhance your prospects . Wishing you success and happiness x
Winter2020 · 20/03/2024 15:10

Hi OP,
I hope your parents will be happy to help you.

Are you an only child? If you are your parents might not be too concerned about you paying them back as they will probably hope that a lot of their savings will come to you one day. If you have siblings then they have to consider being fair to each of you.

I also think you are over complicating your request with all the talk of interest/10% of this and that etc. Just ask to borrow 5K and pay it back in regular installments. It's just over 4 years if you pay back £100 each month or just over 2 years if you pay back £200 each month.

Or you could just ask your parents to pay your exam fees direct and you will pay them back say £200 each month after you qualify. Bear in mind when you qualify you will also be wanting to save for a deposit for a house I expect so it will slow your plans down. If your parents offer that you don't have to pay them back accept!

Also remember that if you borrow 5K and pay back 5k no tax is due. If you start paying interest then that interest is taxable income for your parents.

Good luck with your meeting later

Bringbackspring · 20/03/2024 15:11

I think you sound really sensible, OP. Your parents will hopefully be impressed to see that you have a plan, and they will already be able to see that you are the not sort of person to waste money. They are your parents and I expect they are really proud of you and can see a bright future. You have to think of the situation you are in now as temporary. You are a student, and your chosen career path may be costly upfront, but you will reap the rewards later on as you are going into quite a stable field with opportunities all over the country. Over the course of your hopefully long career you will earn well for a far greater length of time than when you earned peanuts. Do not be embarrassed, we all need a little help every now and then. We don't all get it but you may as well ask.
Best of luck to you, I hope it goes well with your parents.

Original poster
concernedchild · 20/03/2024 15:13

tkwal · 20/03/2024 15:09

You're not being unreasonable in asking for help, there are a few things to consider

  1. Are your parents comfortably able to lend the money
  2. Are there no grants/student loans available to you ?
  3. Will completing your course increase your earning ability?How long will that take ?
  4. Can you make a realistic promise to them about how much you will pay back and when ?
Compared to other posters on MN I have to say you sound as though you have your head screwed on. You're willing to sacrifice in order to enhance your prospects . Wishing you success and happiness x

This is my proposed repayment plan x

To ask my parents for financial help
OP posts:
Original poster
concernedchild · 20/03/2024 15:17

Winter2020 · 20/03/2024 15:10

Hi OP,
I hope your parents will be happy to help you.

Are you an only child? If you are your parents might not be too concerned about you paying them back as they will probably hope that a lot of their savings will come to you one day. If you have siblings then they have to consider being fair to each of you.

I also think you are over complicating your request with all the talk of interest/10% of this and that etc. Just ask to borrow 5K and pay it back in regular installments. It's just over 4 years if you pay back £100 each month or just over 2 years if you pay back £200 each month.

Or you could just ask your parents to pay your exam fees direct and you will pay them back say £200 each month after you qualify. Bear in mind when you qualify you will also be wanting to save for a deposit for a house I expect so it will slow your plans down. If your parents offer that you don't have to pay them back accept!

Also remember that if you borrow 5K and pay back 5k no tax is due. If you start paying interest then that interest is taxable income for your parents.

Good luck with your meeting later

I didn't think about interest and tax, thanks I've written that down x

OP posts:
HorsesDuvets · 20/03/2024 15:17

I would help my DD out (same age as you) in a heartbeat.

It's clear why some help is needed here, and it's for a worthy reason, so I wouldn't hesitate.

I'd be more disappointed that she'd not asked sooner and were feeling so anxious about even approaching us.

IncognitoMam · 20/03/2024 15:21

Good luck. I hope they help you. I helped ds1 as much as possible when he was at uni. He didn't work just studied. He did a law degree but isn't in law. He couldn't get a job. He earns well though.

honeylulu · 20/03/2024 15:31

You poor thing, I twigged from your first post that this was going to be a law training contract/exams. Guess which profession I am in!

I qualified a long time ago and it was tough then. There were half as many TCs as people wanting them and I've heard it's more like 10 people for every TC now. So people saying you are foolish for not getting a TC at a big/top firm have no idea how hard it is to get one at all. Well done for getting yours.

I too had people shocked I had to pay for my own LPC course and exams. They told me "your firm HAS to pay" because they knew others in this situation. Erm, no, they don't have to at all!

Have you looked into getting a Career Development Loan? I got mine with HSBC but it might be called something different now. That was how I managed ...

Threeboysadogacatandakitten · 20/03/2024 15:36

Ds1 (28) still lives at home. He’s had a slow start to employment, having to repeat a year at uni, ill health, losing his job during Covid. He’s now got a good job and is saving for a house. There are times when he has needed help from me and times when he is able to put a bit into the house. I have very little to spare but I would willingly give him, or his brothers whatever I had if they needed it. I’m sure your parents will feel the same. Don’t make it too complicated. Speak to them and see what they come up with.

MrsPeannut · 20/03/2024 15:52

Myotheripodisayoto · 20/03/2024 09:05

Literally the only person i know who self funded their law school never got a training contract. It had been a complete waste of 10k.

I self funded. I got a training contract and am now working at a City law firm. Several of my classmates who also funded are similarly qualified, with some working in both magic circle and silver circle firms.

So no, not a waste at all.

HungryBeagle · 20/03/2024 15:53

My cousin self funded and is also now working a City law firm, doing pretty well for herself.