To ask my parents for financial help

[concernedchild]

I'm 24, I live at home (I know this will attract a lot of criticism but I cannot afford to move out).

I earn £1300 a month after tax etc.

After saving for professional exams (I have to pay for them, I get no help from work) I'm left with £650 per month. Of this I have to pay for uni, all my own expenses and travel to work, as well as other savings.

I'm left with about £75 at the end of each month. From this £75 I contribute what I can to the house but it's not a lot. I feel like a failure. If my friends ask to meet up I have to say no because I can't afford it.

Travel alone is £200 per month. I can't make it any cheaper. Uni is £100 per month. My expenses aren't extravagant - I'm paying for my uni course, my phone, Spotify etc., I'm not spending hundreds on my nails or getting sun beds or anything like that.

I want to approach my parents and ask for some help with the exams but I feel like a total failure for even having to ask. The plan when I moved in after uni was for me to save up and move out, but I had to move company and took a pay cut. I can't relocate my job (I'm on a training contract and I'm unlikely to get another one).

I feel like I'm sinking. I'm working for basically nothing, I can't afford to grab a coffee on my lunch break or even go out at the weekends. I'm trying my hardest to get by but it's having such an effect on me mentally that I feel like giving up and quitting my job all together to find something in a supermarket that's better paid.

Am I being unreasonable to ask them for help? I don't expect them to say yes, I'm expecting them to say no, but I feel like I'm at my wits end. I don't see a point in anything because I feel like I'm wasting my time working and not getting anywhere financially, I feel like I'm behind my peers and I just can't do it anymore

@AtTheStream Well said! So many negative comments on this thread.

Yes, of course talk to your parents! Why wouldn't you? If you don't want to raise it directly, ask them to help you budget or see if they would support you getting a loan and see if they offer.

There are so many horror stories about people getting into spirals of debt with payday loans or credit cards at a young age that 99.99% of parents would do whatever they could to prevent that happening to their child.

Agreed but, to be fair, they are housing and feeding and providing so maybe they naively assumed this was enough.

Bless you, I get the impression from your comments that you’ve reached breaking point and I really feel for you. Having money worries can really affect your mental wellbeing.

Just to give a slightly positive story…..I’m a solicitor, having qualified 9 years ago. I did my LPC then worked as a paralegal for many years, with the promise of a TC being the reason why I worked crazy hours for pennies. Then just before it was time for the TC applications my firm (national firm but small office) decided they wouldn’t do any more TC applications as the office was too small to sustain the seat requirements. So I did the CILEX route and cross qualified. I was as experienced and well rounded as anyone who had done a traditional TC.

Shortly after qualification I got married and decided I was done with a 50 mile commute so I looked at what other jobs I could do with my qualifications - I am now an in-house solicitor for an insurance company based close to my house, I earn a decent salary for what I do and I genuinely love my job.

Don’t lose hope - being a qualified solicitor will open many doors.

Tell your parents how much you’re struggling, they sound decent and will likely really appreciate the fact that you’ve identified the problem, you’ve identified a possible solution and you’ve set out a plan to get from A to B. I would suggest trying to agree slightly lower repayments for you - better to pay a bit less but not default than to promise repayments that will still be a stretch and will make for awkward conversations if you can’t manage them.

Try and keep your chin up, you’ll get there :)

@Tahinii I can sense the tone in your comment lol.

I've never once asked them for anything. Yes they're housing me, because they know plain and simple that I wouldn't be able to afford to move out. I don't expect expensive food or anything like that. I'm not asking for a handout, but a loan. That I will pay back.

Set out your income and expenses as they stand:
Income £1,300
Travel £200
Uni costs £100
Exams £650
Summer £100
Remaining... £250

This needs to cover clothing, food outside of the house, books, etc

Suggest Loan

Exam cost £6,500
Travel expenses for exams £1,500
Uni Costs £2,000
Total £10,000

To be repaid when you qualify and have a job paying more than £25,000 to be repaid over 3 years which will allow you to move out and pay rent.

Show them exactly what you are earning and exactly what you are spending your money on and exactly what costs you have to save for. They may be under the impression that you have more money than you do.

Some people seem to be under the impression that trainee lawyers are fantastically well paid (and qualified lawyers).

Here’s the current guidance. “Firms are required to pay no more than the NMW”.

In the kindest possible way… your’re 24, you have a safe place to live, you are building a career which has the potential to open lucrative doors to you in future - this is just a moment in time.

By all means talk to you parents, everyone needs some help from time to time, but please don’t go and work in a supermarket because it’ll take your professional qualifications/loans etc off your plate. Believe me when I tell you that being in this kind of precarious financial position is even less enjoyable when you’re 34 or 40+.

Keep looking at the long term goal and put one foot in front of the other to get there.

Honestly, you sound like you are doing everything you possibly can and any parent would be proud of what you are doing and achieving. You are absolutely on the right track with the right mindset so please give yourself some credit. Life these days can be financially tough, particularly when you are starting out. As a parent, I'd absolutely want you to ask for help and would do anything I could to assist you. I'm glad the initial conversation went well. It might be tough for a bit longer but you'll regret it if you give up when you've come so far. Good luck.

I have read all OP's posts but not all comments - want to say OP's parents must be incredibly mean with money or just blind and stupid to not be actually throwing money at her - if they do indeed have ''100s of 1000s'' - be firm with your parents OP and ask them how they think you are managing, what they think your expenses are and how you would actually like to enjoy a little of life at your age without constant money worry. They are very bad parents!

To be honest, reading your replies - you have 18 months left and your exam payments won't be for all of that time - I feel it's a case of just sucking up the next year or so 🤷‍♀️

Just part of the journey I'm afraid.

@Tahinii - if op's parents naively thought what they are already doing for op is enough, then yes they are being very naive and should perhaps make it their business to develop a basic grasp of what op's financial situation might be.

I have 3 dcs in their 20s. They've never asked me for money but I have offered on numerous occasions when I've suspected money might be tight.

Op is clearly working hard to develop a good career for herself. Her parents ought to notice that she isn't spending money on going out, new clothes etc and maybe just ask now and again if she's okay for money.

I agree, @concernedchild is most definitely not a failure.

To those who don't think I'm being a spoilt little brat by asking for this, is this repayment schedule okay? I've put it to my parents that I'll pay on this schedule with two payments of interest - midway through the loan and at the end, which amount to 15% of the total loan

Solicitor here. Most people don't understand how difficult and expensive getting qualified is. Outside the big law firms, your situation is pretty normal. So unless you want to do big corporate law, likelihood is that you will need your parents' help and some loans to make it. I know LOTS of people who studied law with me and gave up because of finances.

You are so close. 18 months is nothing. Grind your teeth, ask for help, and get qualified. It will be worth it.

Thank you 🩷

I'm thinking of some terms of the loan - like if I get above a certain amount of savings I pay back 10% of the loan as outstanding at that date because I definitely don't think I should be profiting off their generosity, and I'll be willing to pay a higher deposit and pay extra if I ever have the funds to, I just don't know what sounds reasonable

I love having my young adult dd live at home and will be sad when she moves out. I'm looking at these years she is home while working and saving as bonus years with her. Would be happy to help her out financially while she trains for a career. Of course it all depends what your parents can afford but don't assume that they look on having you live with them as a big sacrifice.

My parents have said multiple times they want me to live with them forever bless them

I don't think you start to repay until you earn though. It's an investment into your own future. I'd have offered to help my DD but if your parents haven't offered it might be because they don't want to help you/can't afford to help you. They are already not charging you rent for living at home so helping you in that way.

@caringcarer to be honest I don't think they've realised. I try to keep all talk of money separate from them because I feel like it's tacky to talk about being broke when I know they have money, because my dad has helped me before (when I was 18 and had an overdraft without really appreciating the value of money). I suspect that they're agreeable to loaning me it because it wasn't a straight no

My kids are in their 20s and 30s and it's fascinating seeing how they and their friends are all at such different stages and how finances are so different depending what they are doing.

24 is still so young but I understand that you've been working hard with school and uni work for what must seem like years and years now.

One of my DC recently completed their professional exams at 26 and still can't get used to having loads of free time and money. It also having the stress of exams hanging over you that must make it feel all a bit depressing.

OP if I was your mum, I’d be so proud of you. Sounds like you’re doing your best, which is all anybody can ask for. Everybody needs a bit of help sometimes. Don’t feel bad for asking. I would imagine they’d feel awful if they knew you were struggling so much.

You should try and prioritize going out if you can. Even if you just end up drinking soda and lime it's good to go out with friends.

Honestly the exam stress on top of money is enough to make me want to want to pack it all in. It's the fact I've gone on a walk at lunch, grabbed an iced coffee and feel horrifically guilty for a £2.70 treat

YANBU.

I’ve just asked my parents to forego two years of their rental income (which they don’t need) to help me buy some property 😂 I haven’t heard back on a decision, but I’ve asked! I told them I’d pay them back, so my loan is with them. Just ask! I would imagine your parents want you to succeed.