To ask my parents for financial help

[concernedchild]

I'm 24, I live at home (I know this will attract a lot of criticism but I cannot afford to move out).

I earn £1300 a month after tax etc.

After saving for professional exams (I have to pay for them, I get no help from work) I'm left with £650 per month. Of this I have to pay for uni, all my own expenses and travel to work, as well as other savings.

I'm left with about £75 at the end of each month. From this £75 I contribute what I can to the house but it's not a lot. I feel like a failure. If my friends ask to meet up I have to say no because I can't afford it.

Travel alone is £200 per month. I can't make it any cheaper. Uni is £100 per month. My expenses aren't extravagant - I'm paying for my uni course, my phone, Spotify etc., I'm not spending hundreds on my nails or getting sun beds or anything like that.

I want to approach my parents and ask for some help with the exams but I feel like a total failure for even having to ask. The plan when I moved in after uni was for me to save up and move out, but I had to move company and took a pay cut. I can't relocate my job (I'm on a training contract and I'm unlikely to get another one).

I feel like I'm sinking. I'm working for basically nothing, I can't afford to grab a coffee on my lunch break or even go out at the weekends. I'm trying my hardest to get by but it's having such an effect on me mentally that I feel like giving up and quitting my job all together to find something in a supermarket that's better paid.

Am I being unreasonable to ask them for help? I don't expect them to say yes, I'm expecting them to say no, but I feel like I'm at my wits end. I don't see a point in anything because I feel like I'm wasting my time working and not getting anywhere financially, I feel like I'm behind my peers and I just can't do it anymore

OP you're broke now but it wont be forever. I don't see any issue with asking your parents for a bit of help until you're done paying for your exams, if they can and are willing to help. And well done on your achievements so far. You a far from a failure!

Aww sounds like your parents are good eggs and I’m pleased for you OP. Having said that, you are also in a really fortunate position anyway where you have your living expenses and food all paid and accounted for. I might be in the minority but my friends and I don’t have any money spare for fun stuff really so we are used to going on walks and the occasional bottle of wine at each others houses and scope out all the free stuff nearby. Just remember, your exam fees aren’t forever (much like nursery fees) so you just need to accept your social life will take a bit of a battering for now BUT it will get better!

What a helpful post......

Bless you! You sound like a lovely thoughtful daughter who is well-motivated and having a tough time. I hope this works out for you.

I totally understand that but I'm in the position where I can't afford petrol/train tickets to go and see them, I book annual leave to just sit at home studying because I can't afford to do anything.

You are in a very unusual (and unfortunate) situation OP. Ordinarily the firm would sponsor you and would require you to have completed the SQE prior to commencing the TC. Not a mandatory requirement but generally a very strong preference. If you are completing the SQE alongside the TC you would expect the firm to sponsor you. You are somehow in the worst of both worlds here - are you sure you cannot apply elsewhere? Are you working in the charity sector?

Student loan

I’m taking a guess that you’re a trainee solicitor? It’s a hard and brutal process but once your exams are done and you qualify things will get better. Difficult as it is try not to compare to friends as they’re not in the same position as you - you all have different support systems etc so it’s just unhelpful and makes you feel bad. Sounds like you’re already doing all you can. Unfortunately it’s a case of remind yourself this is not forever, it will get better and this sacrifice now will be worth it financially once you qualify. i think there’s no harm in asking your parents for help but be prepared for a no so you’re not too discouraged if they don’t agree.
Good luck with the exams and uni, you’ve done amazing to get this far!

Would sink me with interest and ultimately lead to me dropping out of my TC

I'd be unlikely to be accepted and now I'm part way through I doubt many firms would want to take me on. I don't live in a city so it's so different here in terms of funding for courses etc

Glad your parents are open to discussing. Whatever you do, try not to quit. Qualifying is an arduous process, but usually worth it in the end.

Im amazed how many people still do not recognise that good training contracts are extremely hard to get/competitive and outside the big firms, many will rinse as much as they can out of you for as little as possible, because you have to train to qualify.

I'm working for basically nothing

You aren't though. You will get a good career out of this. It's hard but it will get better. I'd ask your parents and see what they say. Are they any hardship funds at whichever body runs your exams?

If I was your Mum I would be proud of you and want to support you.

Yes absolutely, I suspect it's because it used to be better but now it certainly is not the certainty that firms will pay exam fees etc.

Up north (Scotland not Newcastle 😉) seems to be a bit better - I know several where even smallish firms paid fees and gave time out for exam study.

Good luck OP, in your parents financial position id just gift that.

And I'm aware of that, but month to month when I'm turning down plans because I can't afford them, when I'm not even able to grab a coffee at lunch, when I can't afford to replace the skincare I'm running out of, I feel like it's all for nothing

Look at career development loans from the bank. You get a loan and once qualified pay it back. It sounds like it would be perfect for someone like you.

@caringcarer the interest would sink me

@Dweetfidilove @IWillBeWaxingAnOwl it's crazy, I knew it would be tough but not this tough!!! I think I get (unpaid) study leave though, LOL

Good to know as my nephew is considering it, so we’ll ship him off up north if he decides to go ahead ☺️.

@concernedchild
this is the reality of professional exams that many don’t see or appreciate!

I was in a similar position 20 years ago.
I’m now “the boss” and we do manage to get level 4 & 7 apprenticeships for most of our trainees, but there is always the odd one that’s too old or has already started!

i would highly recommend also having the same conversation with your employer!

they may not understand the position you are in and may be willing to help with increased salary. (I’ve been on the receiving end of these conversations and been amenable to them!)

are you due a NMW pay rise next month anyway?

@Dweetfidilove depends on type of law as sadly lots is country specific!. Don't take my word for it - not a lawyer but have loved ones who are

I'm apparently meant to be getting an email this month about a pay rise, but I don't think it'll make a difference to be honest. I'm going to try and remain level headed when asking my parents because my dad seemed very open to it

If you were my child I’d be incredibly proud. I wouldn’t want you to struggle and would help. Particularly as you are clearly doing everything you can already and all your time and money is going into your career. You live at home so your parents will know this already. If it makes you feel like a failure then you can always agree a repayment plan as you are working towards higher paid employment. Expenses are high right now and employers haven’t caught up with inflation. We all know we need to help our kids if we can

It seems kind of sad that your parents have plenty of money in the bank but they've never offered to help you out and you feel so bad about asking them.

Just another suggestion: it might be worth approaching your employers about:
(a) meaningful pay rises when certain milestones are met in terms of passing your exams and
(b) asking if you could set up a salary sacrifice scheme whereby they pay your study fees, but deduct the same amount from your pre tax earnings - this would mean you're saving tax and NI (and VAT if charged on your fees). Your employer would also be saving NI from their end, so an incentive for them - a good employer would pass this saving onto their employee..A caveat with this is they must ensure doing this doesn't then bring your salary down to below NMW.

That's more my fault than theirs. My dad has helped me out in the past and didn't even need asking