To ask my parents for financial help

[concernedchild]

I'm 24, I live at home (I know this will attract a lot of criticism but I cannot afford to move out).

I earn £1300 a month after tax etc.

After saving for professional exams (I have to pay for them, I get no help from work) I'm left with £650 per month. Of this I have to pay for uni, all my own expenses and travel to work, as well as other savings.

I'm left with about £75 at the end of each month. From this £75 I contribute what I can to the house but it's not a lot. I feel like a failure. If my friends ask to meet up I have to say no because I can't afford it.

Travel alone is £200 per month. I can't make it any cheaper. Uni is £100 per month. My expenses aren't extravagant - I'm paying for my uni course, my phone, Spotify etc., I'm not spending hundreds on my nails or getting sun beds or anything like that.

I want to approach my parents and ask for some help with the exams but I feel like a total failure for even having to ask. The plan when I moved in after uni was for me to save up and move out, but I had to move company and took a pay cut. I can't relocate my job (I'm on a training contract and I'm unlikely to get another one).

I feel like I'm sinking. I'm working for basically nothing, I can't afford to grab a coffee on my lunch break or even go out at the weekends. I'm trying my hardest to get by but it's having such an effect on me mentally that I feel like giving up and quitting my job all together to find something in a supermarket that's better paid.

Am I being unreasonable to ask them for help? I don't expect them to say yes, I'm expecting them to say no, but I feel like I'm at my wits end. I don't see a point in anything because I feel like I'm wasting my time working and not getting anywhere financially, I feel like I'm behind my peers and I just can't do it anymore

I haven’t read the full thread but I have read your posts OP.

pleased your parents are helping you out but a little surprised that they had noticed you were struggling and not having any social life at all. Even with work and study you need to kick back from time to time.

I wish you the best of luck with everything and hope you go on to have a brilliant career.

Please speak to your parents. I had a similar situation whilst I was at uni, I really struggled financially and this had an impact on being able to see my friends and socialise, and within a few months it impacted massively on my mental health. My mum wasn’t in a position to help me out with money but when I spoke to her she was brilliant. It took a weight off my shoulders just having that conversation with her.

Please don’t give up. There is light at the end of the tunnel and you are doing this to better your future. This is not forever although it seems like it now. You’re doing amazing.

There could be some help financially with exams maybe? Could you speak with work about any financial aid if the exams are work related and required for the job?

If you’re feeling unwell please speak with your GP as they could offer some support?

Good luck with everything xxxx

your not being unreasonable asking your parents for help. I’m sure they’ll want to help. I bet they’re proud of the way that you’re making something of yourself and they probably don’t realise how many expenses you have.

I should give up if I were you. I'm getting irritated by posters asking this same question multiple times don't know about you!

I wouldn't always be so "sure" I'm afraid.

I don't have much money, but I would give my adult DC the shirt off my back if needed.

My PiL's are the wealthiest people I've ever known - they own 14 BTL properties outright in London, and live in a £2.5m house...

4 years ago, my DH lost his job unexpectedly.

We had to move house into a rental. My DD's dance fees were due, and we couldn't afford the £45. I asked DH to ask his mum if she would help, given that it's her granddaughter, and that we would repay.
DH was reluctant, he said that she wouldn't help. I didn't believe him, so I asked her myself.

DH was right, she said no.
Apparently, we were "living beyond our means", so 8yo DD had to leave her dance class.

DH had a new job 5 weeks later, but it was a real eye-opener how some parents just won't help with costs temporarily - even when it's their grandchildren.

Find out why they have chosen to give your siblings money and not you.... Take what they have offered with gratitude and don't insist on paying it back. It sounds like your family is comfortably off and can afford to support you like they have your brothers. There is no point in suffering through your studies and waiting to split inheritance with your siblings at a time in your life when you are comfortable yourself. (I am projecting ... but it does seem that you have suffered through your studies while your siblings simply asked and your parents are happy to help)

I wish people would bother to read the full thread, or at least all the OP's, before wasting time commenting on a thread.

I'm glad it's sorted for you Op. It must feel like a weight is lifted for you.

It's like reading 17 pages of not living in the real world.

Just read through all your posts - you are working towards an achievable goal and you are working hard. They know that and want to support you. The fact they’ve gifted it to you is a bonus.

Chin up now and smile, hopefully be the last of you worries!

Some people are being super unkind to you OP. If you were my kid, I’d find the money to help you. Ask them. And, you’re not a failure. Life is hard and the stage you’re in is one of the hardest stages I’ve been through. I trained to teach at a time when you had to self fund. I only managed because of my parents. It’s literally what we’re here for. I hope they’re kind and understanding (NRTFT)

I have not read all the post but I am assuming you are studying for law - if my daughter was in this situation, I would happily help out. There is not harm asking for support. I think most parents would support their children trying to better themselves if they could afford it.

A concert ticket. Someone working full time and studying shouldn’t feel bad about wanting to enjoy themselves.

This isn’t meant to be patronising - you sound like a really sensible young woman who is trying her best. If I was your mum and had the means to help you, I would. Good luck.

brilliant result OP, I'm so glad for you.

OP - don't give up and stick with it! I took whatever TC I could get at the dodgiest high street firm that never even paid me on time and when they did it was the absolute minimum (I think around £19K p/a at the time). It was awful, but I stuck with it, left the firm as soon as I qualified and made a career in the City. I'm now on £150K plus bonuses at one of the big international City firms. Don't give up. Your financial issues are only temporary and your earning potential very high.

Great update op

and you’re doing brilliantly. Working hard, self funding, it’ll all pay off for you in the future and please ignore those snippy posters who are making out you’ve done it wrong.

Yep it's law 🥲

My parents have agreed to help and it's such a weight off my shoulders ❤️

Thank you ❤️

What horrible people! I can't believe that someone so wealthy would care so little about their grandchildren!

I wouldn't forget!

Even if they were a “fool” do you have to constantly say it.?
I’m not agreeing with this conclusion, by the way, just pointing out how unproductive it is.

Unpleasantness.

Well you clearly exist in a different universe!!

Our kids didn't ask to be brought into the world - that was our choice! I will always do whatever I am able to do to help and support them. I'm so glad your parents also have that mindset. The very best of luck with your studies and your career!

DC2 is trying to make it in an extremely difficult field, and all of her course mates are loaded. We have faith in their talents! x

@Myotheripodisayoto You're the one who sounds like the fool. Do you know how unbelievably hard it is to secure at TC?!? It's extremely(!) rare for any firm outside the large international firms to sponsor the LPC. You clearly don't know what you are talking about.

Great outcome! It's not a sign of weakness to ask for help. I'll bet your parents had no idea of the situation and are delighted to be able to help you.

Good luck with the rest of your training and the future as fully fledged.

You will just have to wait till you pass your exams and earn more. You are quite young to be financially independent living on your own. Be patient.