To ask my parents for financial help

[concernedchild]

I'm 24, I live at home (I know this will attract a lot of criticism but I cannot afford to move out).

I earn £1300 a month after tax etc.

After saving for professional exams (I have to pay for them, I get no help from work) I'm left with £650 per month. Of this I have to pay for uni, all my own expenses and travel to work, as well as other savings.

I'm left with about £75 at the end of each month. From this £75 I contribute what I can to the house but it's not a lot. I feel like a failure. If my friends ask to meet up I have to say no because I can't afford it.

Travel alone is £200 per month. I can't make it any cheaper. Uni is £100 per month. My expenses aren't extravagant - I'm paying for my uni course, my phone, Spotify etc., I'm not spending hundreds on my nails or getting sun beds or anything like that.

I want to approach my parents and ask for some help with the exams but I feel like a total failure for even having to ask. The plan when I moved in after uni was for me to save up and move out, but I had to move company and took a pay cut. I can't relocate my job (I'm on a training contract and I'm unlikely to get another one).

I feel like I'm sinking. I'm working for basically nothing, I can't afford to grab a coffee on my lunch break or even go out at the weekends. I'm trying my hardest to get by but it's having such an effect on me mentally that I feel like giving up and quitting my job all together to find something in a supermarket that's better paid.

Am I being unreasonable to ask them for help? I don't expect them to say yes, I'm expecting them to say no, but I feel like I'm at my wits end. I don't see a point in anything because I feel like I'm wasting my time working and not getting anywhere financially, I feel like I'm behind my peers and I just can't do it anymore

You can think I'm trying to swindle my parents out of £5k, but I'm not.

Er, where exactly did I say this? Please tell me - but of course you won't be able to, because I didn't. 🙄

If you are training to be a solicitor, you will be asked much more searching questions by the other side, so it might be an idea not to jump to wrong conclusions or put words in people's mouths. That won't end well.

I did my LLB in the early 80s and spent 9 months working for Allen &Overy as an intern (it was a sandwich degree). I then did a PGDL in about 2002 as it was rusty (I lived abroad for about 10 years) whilst working as a legal clerk. Ultimately I decided not to carry on with law though I passed the PGDL as I didn't really enjoy working for a small firm. My elder dds do help me out sometimes but I always pay back promptly.
If I were your parents and had money I would probably pay for your exam outright as it's part of your education. Dd1 is a gynaecologist and she has to pay for her own exams but she's never mentioned them being so expensive. Also she's in her 30s and left home years ago so a different story.

OP, in your parents' position with hundreds of thousands of pounds, I would 100% sort you out. I would simply pay all your course fees and exam fees and charge you nothing for living at home. I hope they help you - and not with a loan - with a big gift. I wouldn't sit on all that money whilst my child was miserable and couldn't afford to even see friends.

You need to lay out all your costs and entire financial situation, rather than asking them for a loan.

I haven't read every reply but just wanted to compliment you OP. Please don't feel like a failure - thats the last thing you should feel.

What people outside of law don't realise is that training contracts are like gold dust. There are so many law graduates all fighting for TCs that you've done amazingly well to get not just the initial one but the replacement.

I'd also agree that people have no idea how difficult it is at the start of a law degree - even when I graduated only the top law firms paid for courses so regional / high street trainees had to find £8k + living expenses for the LPC (back in the late 90s - that was alot of money), and then starting salaries for trainees were lower than most other similar professions.

Well done for approaching your parents OP and good luck with the conversation. I would also see if there is any scope to speak to your employer. As other parents have said, I would hate to know my DD was struggling and you do need to open up to them about your predicament - I bet they are incredibly proud of you and this conversation will lead to better communication all round xx

The thought of asking for this as a gift makes me feel sick to my stomach. I have no doubt it all evens out across the years across the four siblings but the thought of it is just gross to me

Why don’t you also show them a spreadsheet of your income and expenses so they understand exactly how difficult it is for you, as well as the repayment plan.
Good luck. Don’t feel guilty. Parents are supposed to help fund their kids study. They should have topped your minimum loan up to the maximum loan each year. Thats what the government expects when they calculate the loan amount. Obviously some parents can’t afford it at all, but it sounds like yours could, and they should have. It’s not easy for many parents to find the money but most try to help if we can.

Maybe you’ve been too good at hiding how difficult you’ve found it. Accept any help offered tonight. Even if they offer to give it to you. Don’t feel guilty. It’s only what is expected from the government(albeit it is further study not your first degree).

Can’t you get student loans?

I get a loan for the bulk of my masters, and I have to cover the shortfall. I can't get a loan for my exams because it would sink me

I think your parents would be upset that you didn’t talk to them sooner. They are in a position to able to help and you are not being unreasonable at all. It’s a good worthwhile career you are studying for and I’m sure they’re very proud.

As for hotel expenses esp train fares book in advance as soon as you know the dates location, they will be much cheaper.

You don't need to ask for it as a gift. You can just lay it out and ask for their help.

Why does it make you feel gross? I think it's gross for 2 people to be sat on pots of money whilst their child suffers serious financial hardship. Your parents might feel the same.

If they are such high earners that you get no/little student grant(?) surely they should be paying certain costs for you?

@iwafs just the thought of what it could do to family dynamics if it was to come out

@diddl they would help at the end of term etc., when I didn't have money to get home

Honestly I would be surprised if they didn’t just gift it to you, I would if I were in their position.

Your working hard, setting yourself up for life, It’s not like your wasting money.

You deserve a basic standard of living which you currently don’t have, their your parents, they should be supporting you if they can.

I agree with this. My DDs got minimum loan and we topped up the rest. To me, it was one of my obligations as a parent. We also paid for things like driving lessons.

If we couldn't afford something then we explained what we could afford.

My DCs are in their mid 20s and we still happily help out with things.

I wonder if your parents are a little under-informed about how things work now? Do they know how your training contract works or how much taking these exams costs?

My parents were very much stuck in the past. They wouldnt have understood how expensive it could be to take exams in another city.

Your DF's response suggests they have seen you stressed and have been worrying about you but didn't like to ask what the problem was.

This might help OP if you decide you'd like to set up a loan from your parents on a more formal basis.

https://justlend.co/

Are you taking the SQE? They are quite expensive. Hope your parents help you. You will earn all money back once you are in the job.

I am, it's horrendous.

If you’re a student can you not get an interest free overdraft? I lived in mine at uni!!

I don't get one as I'm not in uni full time - I work full time and study part time

I’d be helping my child with this without being asked. I’m not well off at all and don’t even own my own property (live in southeast and a single parent) but I’d be helping my children out as much as I can. My ex is paying for my children’s uni fee’s as he got a free education and wants his children to have one. If I had a couple of hundred grand, well I’d certainly be helping. It’s great you’re so independent but don’t be too proud to let them help you. Good luck for the chat

Another solicitor here. Self funding outside of the big firms isn't unusual and hasn't been for a very long time.

My parents very generously paid for my LPC - I had set money aside that they wouldn't accept as they wanted me to focus on the course not how I would pay for it. Having qualified many years ago, I am fortunate to earn very well now so there is no question that it was worth paying for.

I don't think you're unreasonable asking. Your parents have likely not realised the financial position you're in. Sounds like you have a good relationship, I hope things work out.

You absolutely haven't been a fool and you're not failing. You've made the best of your circumstances by securing another training contract after your last firm closed.

As others have said, law in the early years is often badly paid and tough. The end is in sight. This is a stop gap. Once you qualify, your salary will increase (without the qualification you'd stay a paralegal with limited earning potential). You can then move firms, improve your salary etc. things will get better so just hang in there.

You need to admit to yourself that you can't afford expensive summer plans in your current circumstances. I'm sorry but that's just life.

Is there a huge backstory that stops you talking about finances with your parents? I've always had a very open relationship with my parents when it comes to finances - they gave me most of my financial education! It's very saddening to read that you feel it would negatively affect family dynamics to get a temporary loan that you'll pay back.

I feel you're yet another victim of the hidden university parental contribution. If the student loan letter had explained you received the minimum loan and your parents were expected to contribute £x, you wouldn't be in this bizarre situation. The student loan system EXPECTS your parents to contribute - it just doesn't tell them or you. Have a read here: https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/students/student-loan-parental-contribution-tool/guide/

Fingers crossed the chat goes well tonight.

With or without summer plans the cost of the exams is sinking me. I can't afford to go to the dentists. I understand that summer isn't the priority but I am working full time, have worked full time for the last 4 years and have been in uni for a long, long time. I need something to look forward to or I simply won't be able to cope.

I feel gross and tacky. It's not them, my siblings are very happy to ask for money! I just feel like it's really grim to do