To ask my parents for financial help

[concernedchild]

I'm 24, I live at home (I know this will attract a lot of criticism but I cannot afford to move out).

I earn £1300 a month after tax etc.

After saving for professional exams (I have to pay for them, I get no help from work) I'm left with £650 per month. Of this I have to pay for uni, all my own expenses and travel to work, as well as other savings.

I'm left with about £75 at the end of each month. From this £75 I contribute what I can to the house but it's not a lot. I feel like a failure. If my friends ask to meet up I have to say no because I can't afford it.

Travel alone is £200 per month. I can't make it any cheaper. Uni is £100 per month. My expenses aren't extravagant - I'm paying for my uni course, my phone, Spotify etc., I'm not spending hundreds on my nails or getting sun beds or anything like that.

I want to approach my parents and ask for some help with the exams but I feel like a total failure for even having to ask. The plan when I moved in after uni was for me to save up and move out, but I had to move company and took a pay cut. I can't relocate my job (I'm on a training contract and I'm unlikely to get another one).

I feel like I'm sinking. I'm working for basically nothing, I can't afford to grab a coffee on my lunch break or even go out at the weekends. I'm trying my hardest to get by but it's having such an effect on me mentally that I feel like giving up and quitting my job all together to find something in a supermarket that's better paid.

Am I being unreasonable to ask them for help? I don't expect them to say yes, I'm expecting them to say no, but I feel like I'm at my wits end. I don't see a point in anything because I feel like I'm wasting my time working and not getting anywhere financially, I feel like I'm behind my peers and I just can't do it anymore

We funded our daughter for her MA and she has now qualified in a decent profession. Absolutely money well spent which we were glad to do .
Definitely ask for help and hopefully they will be happy to accommodate.
You are not a failure!

It sounds like you are trying to do too much with your salary when you are still starting out/not fully qualified.

It's good you are asking for help. But be realistic with your money.
Your salary needs to cover

1. Travel to work
2. Socialising
3. Repayment of loan at a rate that is reasonable (£100 a month is fine, then £200 once you've qualified and earning more)
4. Living expenses like clothing, food, toiletries and so on
5. If anything left over, save it. Don't cripple yourself with savings right now.

I have no clue about law and exams. But just remember you don't have to pay for hotels and laptops all at once right now.

You have come across as someone trying so hard to be financially responsible and doing everything on their own that you've forgotten that life doesn't have to be a struggle - ease up on yourself a little. Take some time away from studying - relaxing for an evening or weekend away from the books makes you more likely to be able to focus and study another day.

My sister failed professional exams twice. She basically stopped seeing her friends and punished herself every night with the course books and it badly backfired. Third time around she out less pressure on herself and passed.

Hope it goes well with your parents. Good luck for the future too!

I'm also confused about what the OP says. OP, you must know the cost of your course and how much the exams will cost? These things are not kept secret, students are told and warned that the fees are likely to increase each year. Surely there's also a list of the exam centres, so you could work out roughly how much it would cost to travel to an (nearest) exam centre? And how much are you putting into "savings" - and can you afford to do so while you are studying? Have you investigated whether you're entitled to any help with fees/exam fees? If not, why not? Do you have a holiday job to earn a bit more?

@DriftingDora the SQE is very popular and frankly oversubscribed. There is no guarantee I will end up at a test centre within 100 miles of my home.

I was aware of the costs. As I have said multiple times before, I was not aware that the firm I was with would close, and I would be left taking whatever was available to me.

You didn't need to send that but I'm even more impressed now.
Since another poster mentioned tax..
If they are in a position to do so, they are allowed to gift £3000 in any tax year to you (or any siblings)with no tax implications. It might (depending on their tax status) save them money. If they use an accountant they could advise them on that

Good luck OP. I’ve been where you are and it’s tough. Worth it in the end but still tough and much tougher than most people expect who haven’t experienced it. 💕

I wouldn't be worrying about saving for now, as others have said, you'll have a good salary soon and you can make up for it. Could you look at getting a professional development loan to cover your course?

@DriftingDora I work full time.

@tkwal yeah I'm looking at all tax aspects - they can apparently loan to me tax free, but interest may attract tax - contribution to household expenses seems to be tax free and therefore may be a way around the interest payments. The cost of the loan would be more than the £3k IHT threshold and so that's why I'm asking for it as a loan as opposed to a gift (I'd also feel horrifically guilty if I was gifted such a large sum of money)

Honestly some of you don't Know what you are talking about - how about supporting/offering help to her rather than banging on about why is she funding , etc. My son worked in a law firm as Para Legal and funded his own Masters. He is now doing his TC but still gets paid not a lot more than when he was a PL. As soon as he qualities this will go up significantly. Try and get your facts right and she isnt asking for advice on mimimum wage or what she should or shouldnt be earning but rather whether she is being unreasonable to ask her parents for help, which if they are open to and can then she is not. She has a plan to pay it back. Well done Op and hope everything works out well and you go on to soar!

As I've said, MULTIPLE TIMES, the interest on a bank loan would sink me.

It depends on your parents circumstances. They are already subsidising you be providing accommodation, food and electricity, gas and water. What do students do whose parents can't do that? I couldn't afford to do it for my dc as I'm on universal credit. When ds comes home from university he has to get a job to help me pay for extra food etc. I only ask for £30 a week during the small vacations but I do need it.

You're only 24 give yourself a break. I had a mental breakdown at 24 then was fine at 26

Sorry meant to say picked myself up by 26

My parents financial circumstances are very different to your current circumstances. As I've said, if I knew they couldn't afford it I wouldn't even dream of asking. My parents are very well off.

Doesn't really answer my questions, does it?

I got professional development loan for mine

@DriftingDora it does. I live in a small town, a train ticket can be £50/£100. I may not be at an exam centre close to my home, so may need hotels etc. the exams are spread over two days (and in two weeks) for the first exam and over 3 days (again spread out over a number of weeks) in the second exam period. That could end up costing me £1000.

Study leave is unpaid, so I will be losing pay for each day of study leave, but still having to find the money for the exams and travel.

You can think I'm trying to swindle my parents out of £5k, but I'm not. I've presented a repayment plan and I'm happy to sign a loan agreement.

Again. The interest would sink me.

"Spotify etc"? Get rid of Spotify for starters! And "etc"? how much is that? ok, these are minimal expenses but have you ever heard of the saying "Look after the pennies ..."?

Spotify is £10.99 a month and I pay £2.99 a month for my Apple iCloud to store all my study notes. With the best will in the world I don't think £13.98 a month will solve my problems

As a parent of adult children, I know how hard it is out there for your generation, nothing is cheap. I am more than sure your parents will want to know and want to help you. They would much rather alleviate the financial strain on you than watch you suffer mentally and give it all up. Also sending you a big hug, you are not failure, you have a lot of things on your plate and you are doing your best. Please ask your parents for help.

Does your university have a hardship fund?

Not that I'm aware of, it's ULaw and I don't think I'd qualify as I live at home

@concernedchild
PLEASE, please don't see yourself as a failure at the absolutely ancient age of 24! (I'm joking about the ancient of course).
My son was working and living independently in another city, but came home to live with us in his early 30's because of health issues he needed help with. He worried about what people would think of him, but I didn't give a toss as long as he was ok. I hate people who prescribe that adult children have no right to be living with their parents, as if that makes them defective or failures in some way. Things happen, circumstances change, and I'm glad we could help as he is on his way to being independent again.
Different circumstances to yours, but it was the fact that you felt a failure for still living at home that made me want to say, "no, you're not".

No no! Not at all!
So sorry it came across that way.
I did post up thread saying you should ask and I’d want my daughter to ask. I just don’t think your parents are actively being unkind. Perhaps genuinely they are naive and thoughtless.
it’s clear you’re working very hard and have a plan. I’d absolutely help my daughter in these circumstances and I’d be proud of you. :)