To ask my parents for financial help

[concernedchild]

I'm 24, I live at home (I know this will attract a lot of criticism but I cannot afford to move out).

I earn £1300 a month after tax etc.

After saving for professional exams (I have to pay for them, I get no help from work) I'm left with £650 per month. Of this I have to pay for uni, all my own expenses and travel to work, as well as other savings.

I'm left with about £75 at the end of each month. From this £75 I contribute what I can to the house but it's not a lot. I feel like a failure. If my friends ask to meet up I have to say no because I can't afford it.

Travel alone is £200 per month. I can't make it any cheaper. Uni is £100 per month. My expenses aren't extravagant - I'm paying for my uni course, my phone, Spotify etc., I'm not spending hundreds on my nails or getting sun beds or anything like that.

I want to approach my parents and ask for some help with the exams but I feel like a total failure for even having to ask. The plan when I moved in after uni was for me to save up and move out, but I had to move company and took a pay cut. I can't relocate my job (I'm on a training contract and I'm unlikely to get another one).

I feel like I'm sinking. I'm working for basically nothing, I can't afford to grab a coffee on my lunch break or even go out at the weekends. I'm trying my hardest to get by but it's having such an effect on me mentally that I feel like giving up and quitting my job all together to find something in a supermarket that's better paid.

Am I being unreasonable to ask them for help? I don't expect them to say yes, I'm expecting them to say no, but I feel like I'm at my wits end. I don't see a point in anything because I feel like I'm wasting my time working and not getting anywhere financially, I feel like I'm behind my peers and I just can't do it anymore

Seriously showing how little you know with your very unhelpful posts.

You do know there are law firms outside of the City who operate very differently…

I think you re doing amazingly well. You are only 18 months from earning real money and no fees! You are getting real experience and studying at the same time.
Once you have a decent law degree there are many jobs open to you.
If you were my daughter I would be very proud of you.
Your parents will be glad to help you, let them help you.

Hopefully your parents will help you out but also you need to change the way you think. You are sacrificing in the short term for gains in the long term. Yes things are really tight now but it isn't forever. You'll come out the other side and reap the rewards. You have to look at what you can have long term instead of focusing on what you can't have now.

@IncompleteSenten is absolutely right, @concernedchild - I know it isn’t easy, but you need to focus on the fact that, once these exams and this training is over, you will be able to reap the rewards of all your hard work.

Your dad sounds lovely, and I think you do too - and I admire the way you have approached this - it is sensible and reasonable.

We have three dses, and we have helped them all out financially, at one time or another - and we will carry on doing so as long as we can manage to do so. We are in a secure position, financially, and we are happy that we can help them out. Sometimes it’s been a loan, and other times it’s been a gift.

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius @IncompleteSenten, thank you 🩷 I will admit that right now I am very much in the thick of exam and financial stress and probably over thinking this to the extreme! It's a really tough time

I do understand that and I can see long term, but right now it would also be nice to not be so stressed about finances all the time

I pay for our DD rent whilst at uni £500 per month to help her whilst she's studies and have budgeted for it. It's something I wanted to do as I never had the opportunity to go to uni until later in life due affordability.

OP, you know what? You're so hard-working and lovely, and so considerate about your parents - you don't feel entitled to their help which is nice. I'd be so proud if my children turn up like you 🙂.

But I almost feel emotional at the thought of a child of mine struggling in this way and feeling sick with worry at the thought asking me for help.

If your parents can afford it, they will want to help you, OP. This is money for your future livelihood, not for some frippery.

Sit down with your parents and tell them exactly what you've said here.

I have 2 kids around the same age as you - one living at home. If either of them were in your current predicament I'd help them in a heartbeat.

You're not being unreasonable. You just need a bit of a dig out in the short term.

I self funded mine and am now a senior lawyer on a high salary.

You should be proud of yourself, you are working hard for a better future/life. Ask your parents I know I would help my child out if I could x

Hi OP, I have a son in a similar situation to you and we are continuing to support him financially. It feels totally natural to us.

You should be very proud of yourself, in how far you've come so far, and in your goals that you are moving closer to every day! I am sure your parents are proud of you too.

Please don't feel crap - it would probably kill your parents to realise the agonising you've gone through before approaching them with this request. I am quite sure they will be happy to help - but, like another pp, I'm also puzzled that they haven't already worked out your situation for themselves.

Don't neglect your mental health. Concerts and things are terribly important if they are all that's standing between you and despair. I say this because it seems obvious that your parents easily have the means and will wish to support you.

Please ignore anyone who is saying you're a fool - how terribly cruel and wrong of them - and also ignore any could-have would-have should-have talk. It's pointless and irrelevant.

You sound like you’re trying really hard for a bright future. You should be proud of yourself. I would help my family in a heartbeat 💓 hope yours help you.

OP, you are going to have much more uncomfortable conversations than this once you qualify. You’ll need to talk to opposing solicitors, negotiate outcomes, talk to judges, senior lawyers, you’ll have to explain to clients why they cant have what they want, why you can’t secure the money they think should be theirs or whatever area of law you cover. You should be able to chat to your own parents an about your finances. None of this is insurmountable. If you don’t ask you don’t get.

I don't understand your first line - why is the 1st month's repayment larger? Wouldn't it make more sense to just borrow £250 less, rather than borrowing it and then paying it straight back?

Honestly, i know i might come across as blunt, but its a simple maths question.

If you have incurred a lot of debt to take a degree, study for SQE/LPC, you are not getting any return on that investment if you then go and work earning minimum wage.

The kind of firm that's paying a graduate minimum wage, you have to ask yourself, if the long term earning potential there is going to actually repay the time & money you've invested to get qualified.

It saddens me to see people selling themselves short. No graduate should be accepting minimum wage work as anything more than a stop gap.

@NoBinturongsHereMate as a down payment towards the loan, to show my commitment to paying it back

*Myotheripodisayoto · Today 09:05

Literally the only person i know who self funded their law school never got a training contract. It had been a complete waste of 10k.*

Back in my day if you didn't go to a large firm which covered your fees you got a career development loan. You then paid that back once you qualified. It was very common.

So I self funded. I now earn £350k a year. So I'm pretty sure it wasn't a complete waste of £10k. HTH.

It's a stop gap until I qualify

And also your parents to help look at your budget, as well as asking for the loan. There may well be areas you can improve (like cancelling Spotify).

Back in the day it was also very common to be paid law society minimum as a trainee. I was paid £10,250 a year.

You nake downpayments on physical items, not on loans. It makes no sense to make a downpayment on money.

@NoBinturongsHereMate that's something we'll decide tonight when we talk, it's just my suggestion

You seem lovely, and very considerate of your parents. I'm sure they will want to help you. My kids are teens but once they're at uni etc, I will always help them out however I can. I'd hate to think of them worrying over money like you have been doing. I'm not massively financially well off myself but I'd always want to help my kids. I hope the conversation goes well with your parents and they're able to help you!

I hope your chat goes well, OP. Try not to focus on the responses from the posters who are relishing calling you 'foolish' when they don't know your situation, and trying to make you feel less than. You're working towards a career and you shouldn't be struggling to the point where you have nothing left each month because the next expense would tip you over.

I suspect your parents know fine well that you're short of money but as you've never said, and they're only charging you/or you're giving them £75 per month, it shouldn't come as a surprise that you need a helping hand.

Good luck, be methodical with your figures as you have been and best wishes to you.