Exhausted, broke UK parents of small kids

[RiverLake]

NC for this. Well, please tell me you don't all spend each Saturday or Sunday (or both) watching your kids (aged 5 and above) play sports/activities etc?

And then when they are pre-teens and teens, you are facilitating sleep-overs by chauffeuring them to/from cinemas/parties/friends, including night time pick-ups, etc

Well, if the above is CORRECT, NO WONDER the UK parents are beyond exhausted!!! And in most cases also broke!

What happened to staying home at weekends baking, reading and playing games as a family with occasional walk to the parks?
I lived in London next to a family with 10 and 12 yo kids, and could never FATHOM why 1) they never liked being in their flat, as every Saturday and Sunday around 12 noon, they are loading their car and didn't return until 6 or 7 or 8pm. They walked past my windows.

Only to read on MN that parents seem to attend after school clubs at weekends too- I did all my after school activities, well, after school. Not take up my/family weekend unless it is one of those events schools playing against another school.

This particular family always looked stressed and my flatmate said they were constantly shouting and screaming at each other almost daily about domestic stuff (had cleaner and child minder too). I am not surprised as they had full time jobs and seem out all weekend. When do parents REST?

So, it is 18 years of existing for a child. Other countries do not parent like this. These countries have happy, relaxed families.

I sort of understood childcare stuff for under 3 or under 4 and not sleeping properly and those costs; but this being out all weekend is unsustainable. No wonder UK adults are sick and cannot function properly in work!

Missed this.

Good. Even in France, parents have Sundays off. 🙂

I work almost full time. Commuting and travelling with work and weekends are taken up taking the kids to their various sports and activities. But they love sport and are good at it so we support them with this. It’s also great for their physical and mental health.
Yes I’m exhausted, but that’s part of being a parent in my mind.

Two of my kids compete in sport at a high level. So yes, a lot of our weekends are spent taking them to training, or to compete. It is expensive. It can be tiring. It’s not really the life I imagined, as I grew up just playing outside with friends (in hindsight, I wish my parents had encouraged me to do organised sport - I found it later in life and it’s been wonderful for me).

But my children get SO much from their sports. We didn’t push them into this at all, they both made their own way. They’ve got amazing friendships, great role models in their coaches and older kids, self discipline, resilience, pride… I could go on. All these lessons I already see carried through into other areas of their lives.

As an aside I only work term time and that is partly to ensure that holidays can be spent being as restorative as possible, tons of outdoor time, we hike, bike, kayak, climb etc as a family and with friends. So I do try to give them both sides.

This is a good point, Sundays are for staying home or going to the market or taking a walk. Whilst I don’t bake with my kids they spend hours pottering around in the garden. Getting up and out the house early is enough 6 out of 7 days a week, I couldn’t do Sundays too.

Well I don't find being at home that restful. And anyway I don't need to rest at the weekend. I work from home all day during the week, and I get to rest every weekday from 7pm when DC is in bed so at the weekend I want to go out. I find taking a walk in nature with my DC and going out for lunch so I don't have to cook relaxing. We also spend time at home but I like going out both days. DC does 1 activity on a Saturday morning and the rest of the weekend we do things together. We like having a day as a family on Sunday, if we just sit at home we end up just doing housework and jobs instead of spending quality time.

Other countries don't exist like this? laughs in American

When my kids were little I found days at home much harder than days out.

Firstly, my kids wanted me to play with them. Now whilst I obviously couldn't play with them all the time (single parent, someone needed to make meals etc!) I did want to play with them a lot. If I'd planned to simply leave them alone and ignore them, I wouldn't have had kids. But playing at home can be exhausting - lying on the floor pushing trains, getting stuck behind the settee playing hide-and-seek, clearing up after painting/baking etc. Sometimes going out for the day was much easier. Just because you're at home doesn't mean you're resting.

Secondly, going out is fun. I loved the farm parks, steam railways etc.

Thirdly - OP have you ever tried telling football-mad boys who really really want to kick a ball around at the park that they're going to spend the weekend doing craft and baking?!!

My guess is that you had quiet kids who liked to stay at home (I was like that as a child), and you can't comprehend that not everyone's kids are like this.

My kids are teens now but I'm still tired, and that's because being a working single parent is tiring. It's not because I'm doing it wrong!

Bravo!

I have not read all the responses but filling weekends with activities is very typical of middle class/upper middle class British families. The fact that parents and kids are exhausted depends case by case but for sure there is an expectation and a pressure that kids do loads of activities. Plus tutoring!
For state school kids it is to compensate from the lack of good clubs and give the kids the same “enrichment” of private school kids. Especially if they then apply for a secondary private from a state primary is important they show they do music, sports at good level and ofc tutoring to enter to the secondary schools.
for privately educated kids, while they have very good clubs the parents might want to join a prestigious club over the weekend to further their abilities and bring them to the top. Especially if they aim at music sport or art scholarship in secondary schools. Same for extra private tutoring. At Thomas’s, a prestigious private School made famous by the royal attendance, everybody from year 3 gets extra private tutoring at home to be the top. There is a huge pressure and competition in these families to go to best schools, best universities and of course be the top of the to professions, which starts in primary school.

You have summed it up beautifully. Thank you.

Competition on behalf of their kids- tick. Competition to be fit and slim as other parents- tick. Again, no wonder parents are stressed/exhausted and broke. They need to chill! Oh!

I don’t think this is accurate… I’m a teacher and the vast majority of the families at school are not how you are describing. I think it’s a case of you don’t need to complain about it on MN if you’re happy.. so all you see is parents moaning about how tired they are…

And no wonder there is a mental health crisis too!

I think its more a culture thing you're speaking of and making comparisons that don't fit.

I lived in Spain for years and the region I was in, things like school times, activities, working hours, trends, family and tradition expectations (like Sunday being a huge big family time) were always totally different to the UK.

I never spent a Saturday at an activity. DD only went to Brownies on a Tuesday and swimming on a Friday (even then it was only a few years).

Parties were the issue, it seemed as if there was a birthday every other week!!

Because it’s actually more relaxing to
get out with children than stay in. Especially in a flat!
If we stayed in all weeekend I would be a frazzled mess… messy house, Lego and paint everywhere, clearing up at least 2 baking projects, hot and bored with no fresh air. Awful! Much better to get out in the air, do something constructive and active, and then arrive home to a tidy house and then you can play a couple of board games before getting them off to bed so you can have luxury time!

So are you trying to tell us that in other countries people don't watch their kids play sport, don't get out and about with them, don't facilitate after school activities? Not sure that is something to be proud of.

Yup. And siesta? They say productivity is low in Spain because of it.

Yup. What I observed. Families hating being in their own homes (because they live mostly in flats, so can't blame them- just didn't understand the reasons at the time) and preferring to go out constantly.

My understanding is much better/ complete now. Thank you all.

So kids are in school 9-3:30, parents work schedules 9-5 plus commuting therefore kids in wraparound childcare 8-6, afterschool activities happen when? Pickup then home, tea, bedtime.

Weekend is therefore the only opportunity to do extracurricular activities and generally parents want to be involved with those (attend, watch, support).

@RiverLake Your experience was your experience but did you have two parents who worked full time?

I can't imagine anything more depressing and tedious than staying home and having to find things to do to entertain the kids all weekend. Having a coffee and reading my book in the park near dd's Saturday morning gymnastics class is one of the most relaxing parts of my week!

Also, I facilitate my kids interests and hobbies and see it as my privilege to do so. Why wouldn't we if we are able to do so? As for being broke, nursery is £90 a day, after school club and breakfast club are £15 a day, my commute when I go into the office is £37 a day, food prices are astronomical, as are bills. But sure it's the £20 a week total for gymnastics, ballet and swimming that's pushing us over the edge. 😂

We enjoy taking our kids to do activities they enjoy at weekends - mornings tend to be sports and then afternoons are more chilled out or we’ll do something as a family - cinema or bike ride etc. We like doing stuff. Even doing two activities a day you still get lots of chill out time. We’d all get bored being home all weekend and we have a big house and big garden. Not surprised people in flats want to be out!

Well I’m Aussie, and we spend our weekends at children’s sports. Children’s sports don’t run themselves, they rely heavily on parent input. So you have to sign up to record times, marshal kids, be first aid, be goal umpire, score etc , and then of course supporting your child is watching their game. Everyone watches their child at the basketball, football, athletics. Thats what it is. We don’t both go all the time since we have 3 and we do need to rest as well from the week.

Well I'm sure not every does. But as a parent of children who enjoy playing football and cricket... Why on earth would I make them stay home and bake cakes and go on walks?

Yes, I'm busy. I'm at football training 4 nights a week and matches on Sundays. And in the summer I'm at cricket training and pretty much at matches every evening. But I WOULDNT want it any other way! I LOVE seeing my kids enjoy themselves, playing sports with their friends, watching them in matches. They'd be bored shitless if I made them stay home and bake cakes instead of having hobbies and spending time doing things that bring them joy.

I drive FS to lots of after school activities and rather enjoy watching him flourish and become more confident and accomplished tbh. Try cricket, you get to sit for hours on end watching them with a posh picnic and bottle of wine between you.

gosh i'd love to spend all weekend reading with my dd- she won't even let me read half a book to her though, so it wouldn't take up much of the weekend! would also love to find a sport for her nearby on a weekend where she can play and i can stare mindfully into the distance with no one asking me for anything for two hours.
no, we're knackered because we're parenting and working as hard as we can to keep up with the cost of everything nowadays.