Exhausted, broke UK parents of small kids

[RiverLake]

NC for this. Well, please tell me you don't all spend each Saturday or Sunday (or both) watching your kids (aged 5 and above) play sports/activities etc?

And then when they are pre-teens and teens, you are facilitating sleep-overs by chauffeuring them to/from cinemas/parties/friends, including night time pick-ups, etc

Well, if the above is CORRECT, NO WONDER the UK parents are beyond exhausted!!! And in most cases also broke!

What happened to staying home at weekends baking, reading and playing games as a family with occasional walk to the parks?
I lived in London next to a family with 10 and 12 yo kids, and could never FATHOM why 1) they never liked being in their flat, as every Saturday and Sunday around 12 noon, they are loading their car and didn't return until 6 or 7 or 8pm. They walked past my windows.

Only to read on MN that parents seem to attend after school clubs at weekends too- I did all my after school activities, well, after school. Not take up my/family weekend unless it is one of those events schools playing against another school.

This particular family always looked stressed and my flatmate said they were constantly shouting and screaming at each other almost daily about domestic stuff (had cleaner and child minder too). I am not surprised as they had full time jobs and seem out all weekend. When do parents REST?

So, it is 18 years of existing for a child. Other countries do not parent like this. These countries have happy, relaxed families.

I sort of understood childcare stuff for under 3 or under 4 and not sleeping properly and those costs; but this being out all weekend is unsustainable. No wonder UK adults are sick and cannot function properly in work!

uk was used so it is not mouthy. England is what I am talking about. never been to Scotland, Wales etc

can I once again say, I am not really talking of kids below 5. I am talking of time-tables. I am sure you grab your 2 yo to go to the park/zoo, whenever you, the parents, feel like it. that's normal parenting.

these 8/9 etc yo have time-tables at weekends (Saturdays and Sundays), almost reaching the sky. and parents have to facilitate that. when do parents rest, was the original Q.

many have answered they sleep in cars whilst waiting etc etc- thank you for educating me.

How does the chilling out with wine at cricket work when you need to also entertain younger siblings and drive them all home???

My own DC all older so FC is our youngest DC. No younger siblings. FC has been playing cricket from when he was 7 though. Matches go on for hours. He's out in fresh air having fun and DH and I watch/support with a nice picnic. 😁

I literally know of no children who have timetables on the weekend. Maybe one sporting activity which is a hobby and a good thing surely, but where are these children with timetabled weekends? Where did you live or is this just literally based on that one family you saw? Because I can assure you this isn’t a thing.

these 8/9 etc yo have time-tables at weekends (Saturdays and Sundays), almost reaching the sky. and parents have to facilitate that. when do parents rest, was the original Q.

I sleep at night? When the kids also sleep? Bed by 11 or so, up at 7ish. So im not tired

The thing about some of the children's activities is they are led by another adult so they give me a bit of time. When eldest has sport on a sunday i can ring my mum for a chat while he's playing, have a walk around the field.... its restful?

I genuinely look forward to my 30 mins swim while the kids have their lesson, thats how i relax.

What is it you think im lacking? Time to veg out and watch tv? I don't really watch much tv, im not that bothered! We usually have a series on the go that we might watch at 9pm each eve.

The issue for me if my kids had done all this weekend stuff is that it's so bloody restricting for everyone else. When the girls were small we often did random stuff on my days off ( I worked some weekends) So no weekends with grandma. No popping to local holiday camp / seaside that I booked on a Friday night. No meeting people an hours drive away for lunch as stuck to " clubs" time

Takes away spontaneous stuff

And another thought. All these people saying about enjoying "watching" kids doing their sports etc. Do you only have the one child or both kids are conveniently doing the same sport at the same time. At one point my kids were aged 13 9 and 1. I can't imagine a scenario where they are all simultaneously occupied by a club for me to get a " rest" on a freezing cold bench watching them

This is a good post. Activities led by another adult so they give you a bit of time to ring mum/ have a walk around the field.

Many many posters before you made it look like they watch their kids progress each week and are heavily involved in these activities.

Your take on it, does sound restful. Drop them off to an activity say every Saturday morning for another adult to lead them whilst you chill/relax. I am sure even if you pay for that activity, it is money well spent as killing 2 birds with one stone.

And work? 9-5 with a good salary?

@RiverLake deliberately or not, you are missing so much from this thread. I can see that English is not your first language, but you still have an odd and inflammatory posting style that is deflecting from what would otherwise be an interesting thread.

Most parents do not work until 11. Most parents are not doing kids activities from 8-6 all weekend long. These may be your experiences of life in the UK, but it's not the norm.

There is a far more interesting conversation to be had about why we now live in a society (in most of the UK) where it is not safe for kids to entertain themselves outside on their own terms, but also difficult to keep them inside and off screens. We have too few opportunities for children to learn how to occupy and entertain themselves safely, how to navigate manageable risk, how to 'be bored' without adult input, and without screens. My child is happiest roaming outside with other 7-8 year olds and no adults for hours at a time. I think this is what children need and have evolved to do, but it's not possible for huge sections of our children. In absence of that opportunity, but still wanting them to be active and outdoors and with other children - we take them to organised sport and activities. Or we stay indoors and fight the screen urge.

This is not specific to the UK. It's a problem worth discussing, but not what you want to discuss

Well, @Samlewis96 - you put it so well. Are you me? lol

'Taking away spontaneity' (aka being timetabled up), 'rest', 'watching kids' etc and I could have written your post. Glad to see, I am not the only one genuinely having these Qs. Another poster even went further to say it's why she decided not to have kids after observing similar.

'Most parents do not work until 11. Most parents are not doing kids activities from 8-6 all weekend long. These may be your experiences of life in the UK, but it's not the norm.

There is a far more interesting conversation to be had about why we now live in a society (in most of the UK) where it is not safe for kids to entertain themselves outside on their own terms, but also difficult to keep them inside and off screens. We have too few opportunities for children to learn how to occupy and entertain themselves safely, how to navigate manageable risk, how to 'be bored' without adult input, and without screens. My child is happiest roaming outside with other 7-8 year olds and no adults for hours at a time. I think this is what children need and have evolved to do, but it's not possible for huge sections of our children. In absence of that opportunity, but still wanting them to be active and outdoors and with other children - we take them to organised sport and activities. Or we stay indoors and fight the screen urge.

This is not specific to the UK. It's a problem worth discussing."

You could have just posted the above. Now tell us who is being inflammatory. I deliberately ignored your previous posts, well, because it is not ME wanting to be inflammatory. See. Now you can have the / your discussion.

But you’re only picking up on the very few posts that apparently prove your point. Some people may be over scheduling, some aren’t. Some may be doing it to keep up with the Jones’, some do it just because they enjoy it and it suits them.

Loving how quiet the thread has suddenly gone, now the parents are busy with the school run.

Parenting should be an enjoyable time for both kids and parents. I am a very calm individual (never react to just anything etc) and I tell people it is also because I was brought up by calm, well rested parents.

This rush rush, never ending way of parenting I have observed, sounds exhausting.

Hello. How many times do I need to acknowledge your view point?! Also if the thread is upsetting you, just leave it? I have already apologised to you for starting this thread, although I didn't need to.

And to be fair, I didn't expect this thread to still be going, especially now I have seen the full picture. Some are tired, some are not. Some are broke, some are not. Many have flexibility, only a few are fixed. etc etc.

It just feels rude for me to ignore subsequent posters, especially now I am here.

River lake

Yes i work

I don't really like spontaneity. I can't just "pop to grandma's", she lives 2.5 hours away and has her own things she's doing.

Lots of the activities stop in kids school holidays so plenty of time to go away.

Sounds good.

I too like routine. But Mon-Fri. And an occasional activity either on Saturday or Sunday, sometimes in AM, and sometimes in PM., depending how I/ family feel. I couldn't survive fixed mornings every Saturday for example. I am talking 9:30/10/ 11am starts.

You are only acknowledging posts that agree with you, it’s not exactly a discussion so I guess most people can’t be bothered. And I’m sorry but you really don’t come across as calm, more like slowly boiling away inside.

It’s not ‘upsetting’ me, it’s infuriating me. But you’re right, I should leave the thread. You’ll continue being convinced that U.K. parents are over scheduling their children in some sort of competition with other parents, and I’ll continue being aware that their are 67 million people in this country and none of us live our lives in the same way for have the same motives for our actions.

To be fair, not all parents are competing and I didn't say that. It is those who you see being competitive in work and with their peers, that it makes sense their kids end up being an extension of this competition with some of these non-stop activities. I have observed that.

Very calm. And very respectful as I am fully aware no parent wants any comments made about their kids. My thread was very clearly about parents.

Haven't read the thread, but OP you've obviously never tried to rest at home with small children. Kids in a flat does not a restful weekend make. Stay in your lane.

I'm a morning person, we're up anyway so its not really a big deal to have a 9.30 activity. I prefer it earlier, the activities are done by 10 30 so there's plenty of free time.

Ok.

Look at that 'stay in your lane comment'. Do you really want me to engage and upset an already exhausted parent? No. And then you accuse me of only acknowledging posts that agree with me. This parent also just said something already said: hard to be in flats with small kids- I have taken that on board, fully!

I am already firmly in my lane, so no need to react to that at all. I am just posting this to refute your accusation.

Lol what? I thought you were calm.