Exhausted, broke UK parents of small kids

[RiverLake]

NC for this. Well, please tell me you don't all spend each Saturday or Sunday (or both) watching your kids (aged 5 and above) play sports/activities etc?

And then when they are pre-teens and teens, you are facilitating sleep-overs by chauffeuring them to/from cinemas/parties/friends, including night time pick-ups, etc

Well, if the above is CORRECT, NO WONDER the UK parents are beyond exhausted!!! And in most cases also broke!

What happened to staying home at weekends baking, reading and playing games as a family with occasional walk to the parks?
I lived in London next to a family with 10 and 12 yo kids, and could never FATHOM why 1) they never liked being in their flat, as every Saturday and Sunday around 12 noon, they are loading their car and didn't return until 6 or 7 or 8pm. They walked past my windows.

Only to read on MN that parents seem to attend after school clubs at weekends too- I did all my after school activities, well, after school. Not take up my/family weekend unless it is one of those events schools playing against another school.

This particular family always looked stressed and my flatmate said they were constantly shouting and screaming at each other almost daily about domestic stuff (had cleaner and child minder too). I am not surprised as they had full time jobs and seem out all weekend. When do parents REST?

So, it is 18 years of existing for a child. Other countries do not parent like this. These countries have happy, relaxed families.

I sort of understood childcare stuff for under 3 or under 4 and not sleeping properly and those costs; but this being out all weekend is unsustainable. No wonder UK adults are sick and cannot function properly in work!

It’s not the asking, it’s the way it’s asked. And the weird assumptions that we’re all broke because we don’t work hard enough in the week, because we’re too tired from ‘swanning around’ doing activities at weekends.
I work just as hard in the week as I did pre children. Fewer hours, for sure, but that’s because pre kids I was climbing the career ladder (I work in banking) and there was an element of ‘presenteeism’ and working ridiculous hours looking for promotions. I’ve now reached a level of seniority that means that is no longer necessary, and I can manage my own time and workload to a large extent. My DH is the same. So we’re not so exhausted by the weekends that we can’t facilitate extra curricular activities.

It must be tough bringing kids up in a flat.

Good on you!

Surely some people enjoy sports, rushing around and doing stuff, and other people enjoy pottering, baking and home stuff? With neither category of activity being morally superior.

If you put it like that. Thank you.

I am still coming to do one main post, once I have read all posts, to acknowledge that your posts at least show not all parents are scheduled to the hilt with their kids' activities at weekends, and most do have a choice. It is good to know. However, your post as a childminder opens the door to what's really happening. A new 'norm'.

Things that are exhausting are always going to be exhausting whether you chose to do it or not. How about winding your neck in and stopping parent bashing.

That's obvious!

So you’re ignoring all those who are saying that they aren’t ‘broke’ due to taking their kids to extra curriculars at weekends, manage to both do that and have a decent career, and who actually quite enjoy it? If you position yourself as a ‘social commentator’, you have to be able to acknowledge all the different people/situations that exist. Not just the ones that fit your view.

I live on the continent and every junior school child we know does at least one sport, more often two.

two of my children do football, for that at age 7 they need do training 2 times a week for 2 hours, football match at the weekend and every other week a 3rd training session. So just for that one sport they have at least 3 appointments.

It is genuinely NOT the done thing to not to a sport. They also unfortunately even at that age get at least 2 hours of homework for the weekend.

however, I will concede that the nicer weather makes it a little less stressful than it may be under the rain!

so at the moment Sunday is the only day we don’t have to be anywhere

Thank you. If you don't mind me asking. On the days you work until 7pm, what time do you get home and what time do your kids have dinner, bath and what time to they go to bed? What time do you go to bed? And what time do they wake up? Just curious.

Well most people have to work, that's why they're not taking their kids to after school activities and they shift to the weekend. It's not a choice if you want your kids to benefit from anything extra. I'm in a senior role, I can't just easily go part time to finish at 2.30 or whatever. It would be lovely, but no.

And tbh the last thing I'd want to do after a full week of work is sitting at home. I'd end up doing chores and DS would be bouncing off the walls with cabin fever.

So yes, it's exhausting but there isn't really an alternative.

You have been very defensive on this thread. Sorry this is how you feel. I have been wanting to ask this question probably for a year now.

However, we did have some meaningful exchanges last night and I am grateful. As I said, you are one of the exceptions-not broke, not exhausted, high-paying career on 9-5, and enjoying the weekend activities- yes, your opinion also has a space on this thread , although a few more have since also posted on this thread that they too are in your fortunate position, so thank you for your contribution.

In some weird way, ALL contributions have been invaluable in helping me get different perspectives, many of which I can relate to, and are helping my better understanding. I apologise if you feel this, otherwise well received thread, is a British bashing. I can assure you it is not.

Is there an award for disingenuous twattery on Mumsnet this week?

More power to your mum!

I also agree with very few posters, some in rural areas, who say their kids do activities but can take themselves. One parent says her 11 yo cycles to activities. I realise the 'facilitating' which I thought was mostly due to rising crime in the UK is also contributing to parents having to do everything for kids until they are in their early 20s, sometimes. yes, I have also heard those of you that say you LOVe facilitating them. Where I can comment, is when parents are doing it and are exhausted, stressed etc as one example was given of a lady who hated it but had to carry on.

You have explained it beautifully.

So, there is also an element of keeping up with Joneses and 'competition' amongst parents on whose kid at 4 can swim like a fish? I have seen some creepy competitiveness amongst adults about themselves (jobs, holidays) so I can imagine this filters to their poor kids too.

It never occured to me that this is exclusively a UK thing. Surely its common in plenty of other countries.

It never used to be that way though. When I was a kid and even when my eldest was a kid not everything required parents to be running around like blue arsed flies. My siblings and I never went to clubs or activities until we were old enough to take ourselves there. My brother in under 8s football practice. 95% of the kids just met up at the training ground and walked there ( same kids did the journey to school themselves each weekday and they were very close to each other )

At 10 I started guides and walked to and from church hall to attend. And id have died of shame having Dad most me from youth club at 12

These things didn't involve parents carting kids around and hanging about waiting for them. In fact many of parents didn't have a car and that was in a village. City car ownership was probably lower. .

We didn't have official swimming lessons but Dad taught us in local pool from a very early age

20 years later my DD Was able and expected to get herself to and from school from year 5 ( we moved so not far to walk). She attended the local church club and the kids walked back together in groups. She was also able to get a bus and train and visit her Nan in London from 12 or 13. Again walked to guides. As parents I think I had one time I had to go there as a welcome meeting and the other was a meeting about camp. No hanging around or running back and forth each week.
DD2 Spent years in the ATC. The turning up on time, having uniforms and equipment ironed and sorted and being prepared for stuff was on them. NOT THE PARENTS
When they were older they were expected to sort their own travel out. My youngest is at uni. He chose the uni , visited opening days himself.,sorted accomodations etc and gave me the info once it was done. I did go up there when he first moved it ( his car wasn't big enough to fit all his crap and I was nosy) but since then he's managed to transport himself to and from uni.

So it's really not necessary to be spending your life carting kids everywhere

Yea, we're broke from the kids sport activities. Joking - but I did sit down and think about how rich we'd be if they had chosen cheaper ones. But, my kids really love their chosen sports, and I have made some incredibly good friends amongst the parents. I'm exhausted because I have chronic illness and I'd be exhausted what ever!

'I don’t know why you’re getting such a hard time for asking about it.'

Tell me about it!

Well, have now read all the posts. Thank you. I don't need to summarise your input here both in support and against, as it is not necessary. What I will say is that, the huge difference in lifestyle is caused by outside space or lack thereof. Many families in London (have lived in the country too) live in flats without any outside space. In many countries, families live in huge houses, with huge yards for kids to play on bikes, kick balls etc, and sometimes with swimming pools too. Parents also do not do long commutes, they usually drive 15 to 20 mins to work and drop kids off at school on their way to work.

However I will take away the fact that most parents on this thread have flexibility and choice about what their weekends should look like. That is key.

Gosh get a life and mind your own business. You sound jealous 🤣

The fact that you think baking, reading and playing games is a rest for parents tells me you don't have kids.

Tbf I am beyond knackered as I am parenting a twelve year old with additional needs that does not sleep.

Btw OP you need a hobby.

They don't "opt" for a benefit top up . They find, because of the excessive childcare costs (which are one of, if not, the, highest in Europe) that they can't afford to work full time. Please do get your facts straight.

Honestly when mine are doing sports/clubs it's a blessed break! It's way more exhausting staying home and doing all the craft/baking/watching their shows/playing board games and getting on with everything else adults need to manage in life (washing, cooking, admin, cleaning). Thank the lord for clubs I can sit on the side and watch, have a coffee, do some work or life admin on my phone and the kids are busy and happy.
Don't you think if there was just this making parents exhausted then maybe they'd have stopped 🤔