Grandparents keep giving toddler milky tea

[MrsTrue]

So for the third (maybe fourth) time me and DH have picked up our DD from grandparents around 6-7pm after they've had her for a few hours to be told she's had 'milky tea'. She's 21 months old.

We don't give her any caffeine at all and has asked them 3 times not to do it, we even offered bring round decaf tea bags for them as we drink decaf at home.

DH picked her up earlier to be told she had it again today. I'm really annoyed it's happened again and feel it's impacting her sleep. Apparently it's so weak ot wouldn't have an impact (it's the teabag they've used dipped in water and a splash of milk).

Am I right to be annoyed, or overreacting?

I'm astonished that the majority has voted yabu!

They are repeatedly ignoring your wishes. There is no benefit in what they are doing and no disadvantage in not doing it.

I'd be furious - tea/caffeine totally unnecessary and the tannins not good for your LO's teeth.

Course you would

Not for infants and toddlers

Really and do you extend this mantra to schools, childcare, scouts brownies etc ?

I think you will find many children have tea.

Paid caregivers? Yes . Unpaid grandparents helping out ? Not so much! This isn’t an issue and will just cause problems in the relationship if it’s blown out of proportion.

When I was pregnant with my first baby my mil told me that the only gripe she ever had with her own mil was that she let dh and his siblings have sugar in their tea. I said I didn't think I'd had a cup of tea until I was about 14 and wouldn't even think to give a child tea. mil was incredulous at this and said "but mine always had tea!"

So I think it's just one of those things where some people think it's really normal to give a child tea and almost a right of passage in the UK, and others would see it as an adult drink and think it utterly bizarre to give a toddler a cup of tea.

My son has only ever wanted to drink water anyway. I don't think he would have had a cuppa as a toddler if someone gave him one, considering he won't even drink hot chocolate so it hasn't been an issue. I probably would have let mil give him tea once in a while but not on a regular basis to protect his teeth.

The shops are full of Easter eggs at the moment. Will dd be allowed a chocolate egg OP? Or have you sent firm instructions to your entire family that DD is not allowed one because…..caffeine? 🤔

When my aunt has cancer, my grandparents moved in with them to look after the children. My little cousin got into a routine of watching Home& Away with a cup of milky Mellow Birds coffee. He's now 6 foot four so I doubt it did him any harm, but at the time it was a lovely bit of bonding with his nanna at a terrible time.

It's more about them completely ignoring your request than the tea being harmful. You said you've even brought round tea bags you would prefer they use but I'm assuming they don't. I know it's frustrating but I'd let it go. Not a hill to die on. Even if you did bring the issue back up, I doubt anything will change. I've asked my own dm several times to stop with the rubbish food, within an hour of her taking ds I get pictures of him eating pizza and gobbling cookie sprinkles 🙄 You have to bend some smaller rules when it comes to family watching your child I suppose. You can't exactly put your foot down when someone's doing you a favor

Everyone did this when ds was little, teabags barely touched the milk and they pretended it was a cup of tea. Total over reaction. Remember these people have managed to raise a child / children so well you married one so leave them to it!!

I can't imagine why they'd even want to. It's ridiculous.

Wouldn't worry, your parents are looking after your DC. Why over react? Barely any caffeine and hasn't affected many who were brought up on the same drink before de-caf ever existed.
Be thankful for the childcare and move on.

This thread makes you wonder how people get through the day. All the shrieking and pearl clutching about how awful it is to give a child tea or boundaries being breached because of this heinous act from grandparents.

It’s utter batshittery.

@NashvilleQueen
“If a grandparent can't do a bit of spoiling a grandchild now and then with illicit cake and other nonsense then honestly what's the point?”

Did you actually think that through before writing it? What’s the point? What the point in only doing the scores of activities and games and cuddles and treats a baby’s parents have no problem with and enjoying your grandchildren that way? If you can’t feed illicit cake the parents have asked you not to/ can’t post photos of the baby’s face on social media/ can’t let your older brother cuddle the baby without changing his jumper and washing hands as a smoker, - you’d rather not bother with your grandchildren? Fair enough, but I can’t see why you’d bleat about it as if being right about every tiny thing and doing it your way is more important than spending time with them then you can’t be that bothered. We are talking about a baby here too, not an older grandchild who will already be experiencing different things in different places. It’s normal for parents to have more control over babies and nurseries and childminders accommodate that.

It’s not about the tea here, it’s about deliberately going against an easy to follow and reasonable request from parents that is the parent’s decision to make. For example I didn’t give my children sweets and crisps as snacks as babies or young toddlers. Now if my daughter hands over her 14 month old with a Jacob’s Club biscuit for pudding after lunch I’ll honestly be surprised but will I bin it and substitute carrots sticks and either tell DD at handover or otherwise? No I wont, it’s the parents decision and while I happen to think my way was best, the chance of harm is tiny and her choice is within the bounds of acceptable normality for many. My 14 month old grandchild will get a biscuit after lunch at my house when my own children didn’t. Why would I throw my toys out the pram about it and not want the grandchild at my house again? If my daughter hands over a grandchild and suggests “a drop of brandy” in her bedtime bottle to help with teething pain then I’ll speak up and refuse to do it and suggest she talks to her HV or GP before doing it again. If she hands over a bottle of Methadone for the same purpose I’ll speak up and ring social services that day.

I don’t understand why a few grandparents get so huffy about their own children doing things differently to them and asking them to follow their preferences when in sole charge of small children. It’s unlikely the OP’s parents won’t be allowed to buy their grandchildren ice cream or cake for the rest of their lives just because the parents doesn’t want them given a cup of tea aged 11 months.

Oh and there is nothing to suggest there was any shrieking when OP was told they’d given the baby tea. She asked them it not to give the baby tea in the future. Hopefully OP can confirm whether she shrieked and wailed the second time… or the third time… I mean people really don’t think it’s à little odd and confrontational to be so persistent in giving an 11 month old a cup of tea when the parents have asked them not to?

I'm actually shocked at how many people are ok with giving a baby/ toddler tea. I would be absolutely fuming if anybody gave my toddler tea. I don't drink tea and nobody in my family does but my partner/ his family does and they wouldn't even dare.

I don't think your being unreasonable at all. Its not up to the grandparents to decide what your toddler eats/ drinks especially if you have told them not to on multiple occasions.

Really you need to save your shock for when they're teens and chugging back energy drinks on the way to school. It's a miniscule amount that is so tiny it will barely register.

Don’t compromise. They see your compromising about the cake as weakness and probably think you don’t really care. Stop sending your DD there for a few weeks and if they ask about seeing her, explain you don’t want her to have any tea and if they can’t respect your rules, then it would be easiest for everyone if they didn’t see her alone.

Hopefully my kids would never do this either. I appreciate you never really know what your kids are up too when they are older but as a baby/ toddler I do have some control over what my own children eat or drink. If I asked somebody in my family not to feed with my child something I didn't approve off they wouldn't do it out of respect. the fact the OPs family/ partners family constant disrespect her wishes is an issue.

I don't personally drink, tea, coffee or energy drinks. I've had the odd red bull and coke when I was younger/ in university but I very rarely drink alcohol either. I've never drunk an energy drink as a beverage or to keep myself awake, or coke. its all toilet cleaner in my opinion.

I understand that most adults do drink these things but I've never been interested and hopefully my kids will follow suit. I don't drink tea or coffee because my parents don't (neither do any of my siblings) and hopefully my kids wont drink it either because I don't...

This is such a bizarre thread, why do children need tea? Mine are 9 and 11 and have never had tea and never asked for it (despite happily making me a cup every once in a while..)

why do children need tea?

There are lots of things that children don't need, but that are given to them, because they enjoy them, or because they make parents' lives easier.

Life would be pretty miserable if everyone only had what they needed.

They are the child’s grandparents. Not the enemy in the trenches. Why so combative.

This thread explains why no one on MN gets on with their in laws or even their parents. Because there is a sense of self righteousness, victimhood and looking for any excuse to get into an argument with them.

Milky tea isn't going to do any harm to the child (unless they have a milk intolerance?).

Why are new mums so precious these days?!

Their house, their rules- milky tea probably mainly hot milk with tea coloured water. I wouldn't worry