Grandparents keep giving toddler milky tea

[MrsTrue]

So for the third (maybe fourth) time me and DH have picked up our DD from grandparents around 6-7pm after they've had her for a few hours to be told she's had 'milky tea'. She's 21 months old.

We don't give her any caffeine at all and has asked them 3 times not to do it, we even offered bring round decaf tea bags for them as we drink decaf at home.

DH picked her up earlier to be told she had it again today. I'm really annoyed it's happened again and feel it's impacting her sleep. Apparently it's so weak ot wouldn't have an impact (it's the teabag they've used dipped in water and a splash of milk).

Am I right to be annoyed, or overreacting?

It's fine! What on earth do you think a weak cup of tea is going to do to a child?!

As a grandmother if either of my daughters didn't trust me enough to look after GCs without dictating rules then I just wouldn't be having them

Could not agree more! :-)

Doesn't matter what it's going to do. They were asked not to do it.

The point isn't what harm will it do, it's that the people with parental responsibility have asked you not to do something they do not wish for their child and since it doesn't harm you to respect thier wishes the child shouldn't be given milky tea.

From a personal point of view I don't want my kids drinking tea, I don't think it's necessary and I don't want them having extra caffeine or requesting tea daily becuase I personally see needed to consume tea/ coffee daily see it as a form of addiction which I don't want my children to have.

In a nutshell 👌

@Runnerduck34

its not the best option, look into how it's made 'decaffinated'

You're being ott Op. What on earth is the problem with semi skimmed milk?

On another thread a poster asked why Grandparents, Aunties and other members of the "village" don't feel any responsibility to the young members of the family and the answer is so obvious on this thread, too many mothers with the my child my rules mantra. Even fathers are banned from having a say in their child's life because the great Madonna is the only rule maker. And yes that is your right but it comes with consequences, no free childcare. These Grandparents raised children, in fact you choose to have a bay with one of their offspring, so they can't be that bad at the job.

@Thehop

i don't know, but even if it does, a cup of weak tea once or twice a week is not going to to any harm.

I'm sure they do but literally none in my acquaintance. It's not a staple for infants/toddlers across the board and the NHS says "Caffeine is not suitable for babies or young children."

Even if it were, OP is perfectly wntitled to draw a line.

Because they’ve been asked not to do this and have blatantly persisted. It’s not about whether milky tea is good or bad, it’s about them openly disregarding a reasonable request from the parent. That’s not on.

Due to family reasons, I was looked after by grandparents when very young. My mum literally wrote out what I was to have and do at what time and - do you know what? - my grandparents followed that to the letter. They wouldn’t have dreamt of ignoring perfectly reasonable requests from my mum.

Many posters seem to be so horrified by a teeny bit of caffeine they'd rather use teabags treated with solvents!

Better to form a tea habit. One of my kids has always loved his tea from 14 months old. My other child never liked tea and always seems to have a nearly finish can of monster or lucizade in her hand 😔 😢

Children are not supposed to have cows milk until after 12 months old, this may be what op meant if her child was still having breastmilk/follow on formula at the time. In which case I'd have been annoyed too.

After 12 months whole milk is advised over semi skimmed but if that's what annoyed op I agree it is a bit of a non issue.

The tea thing seems to be a generational divide.

The OPs toddler is 21 months old - nearly 2. A bit of skimmed milk isn't going to do them any harm at their grandparents house.

I don't think its a generational thing either, I'm 30 and whilst I wouldn't give my 2.5 year old tea I wouldn't fall out over my kids grandparents giving it to them either especially as it's only been 3-4 times (not every day / multiple times a day)

@Alcyoneus

The child's grandparents are the ones being "combative" by directly going against their son and daughter in laws wishes... How else can their behaviour be described. It's something very speficic op and her dh, their son has asked them not to do.
Not only are they doing it:they do it with happy smiles..

I wouldn't dream of behaving like this with my own gc and dc at all. I can't imagine whatever they choose to be concerned about, doing it then smile at them whilst telling them I've gone against their wishes.

No ice cream?? Hell we've had a whole tub today haven't we bubbins...

No tv?? We've watched the entire in the night garden series!! We've not moved from the sofa!

No choclate? we've had our in Cadbury truck delivery!!

@Hettie24 @Samlewis96

Wow so you wouldn't be open to new data or research?

I was loose on a back seat in a large carry cot not strapped in , up and down motorways until I was 2...if my dm wanted to do that with my dc I'm supposed to just let them because... I "survived"?

@HollyKnight so why are ops in laws making it a hill to die on?
Why do it?

What positives can they possibly gain from this..
It just feels like power play to me.

I was raised on milky tea, so were my dc and my dc. Both my parents did too. We all survived. My parents died in their 90’s. Nothing to do with milky tea!

If my dc don’t trust me to look after my DGC for a few hours then fine. They can look after them themselves. No skin off my nose.

My friend looked after her 9 month old gs once. She took him to the beach. DIL picked him up and had a hissy fit “You shouldn’t have done that without my permission! I wanted to be the first to take him to the beach! 😫” DF told her to find someone else to babysit. I don’t blame her! What a ridiculous situation.

Nearly as bad as first time parents trying to teach grandma to suck eggs - over a cup of milky tea!! Pathetic! 🙄

I imagine it is because they enjoy having that moment with their granddaughter. The three of them sitting together having a cup of tea.

You survived not having to wear a seatbelt on the motorway. I’m sure your dc will survive drinking a milky cup of tea occasionally. Why wouldn’t they?

That's sad hettie.

People take children for granted.
I would feel immensely privileged to be blessed with them and I would respect my dc wishes if I was lucky enough to be able to have them for a few hours.

Arf Holly.🤣🤣.

There are so many other things to enjoy doing with gc why does it have to involve the one drink op has said she doesn't want baby to have!

Maybe I'm missing something, I adore my tea but I can't imagines drawing this much pleasure from one that I would over ride my ds wishes etc.

As I said previously, the grandparents should respect the OP and DH's parenting decisions. But the don't. So the OP and husband are very welcome to end the relationship between grandparents and grandchild and go find someone else to watch her when they have appointments. For most people, though, this wouldn't be the hill to die on.

Haha! Good luck for the future 🍀

How have you ever reached adulthood without knowing you’re not always going to get your own way?

Everyone knows if you need a favour you don't impose ridiculous rules.