Grandparents keep giving toddler milky tea

[MrsTrue]

So for the third (maybe fourth) time me and DH have picked up our DD from grandparents around 6-7pm after they've had her for a few hours to be told she's had 'milky tea'. She's 21 months old.

We don't give her any caffeine at all and has asked them 3 times not to do it, we even offered bring round decaf tea bags for them as we drink decaf at home.

DH picked her up earlier to be told she had it again today. I'm really annoyed it's happened again and feel it's impacting her sleep. Apparently it's so weak ot wouldn't have an impact (it's the teabag they've used dipped in water and a splash of milk).

Am I right to be annoyed, or overreacting?

And if you want to go decaf, seriously go for a naturally decaf tea like Rooibos. Decaf tea is horribly treated with chemicals

If a grandparent can't do a bit of spoiling a grandchild now and then with illicit cake and other nonsense then honestly what's the point?

You do know they seemingly raised a child to adulthood without any major problems?

They love her and they care for her. Unless it's a really big issue then I would let it go.

One of my fondest childhood memories is milky, sweet coffee (!) and cheese&ham toasties whilst staying with my Grandparents.
My DM wasn't happy but she would be equally against cheese, ham and white bread. All those things.

Cheap, instant coffee with lots of milk still tastes like comfort to me (I have it once in 5 years to experience those feelings). I drink green tea mostly, I don't eat bread or ham and have cheese with wine only. I can't say that the childhood coffee habit has has affected my life in any shape or form!

This for me as well
It doesn't matter that the tea is weak, it matters that OP has asked multiple times and they have ignored her
If it's important for them to have a relationship I would politely but firmly say I don't want her to have it and bring round the decaf tea bags instead. If they still refuse then it becomes more of an issue in terms of why are they so set on ignoring OP's wishes and what else will they decide to ignore

My grandparents did this with me all the time, I gave my parents no issues whatsoever.

In fact I think it helped my immunity. Db was given milk and yet was sick prone all the time. Me on the otherhand milky tea and basically never got ill.

My grandmother gave me Cadburys chocolate and crisp sandwiches on white bread with milky tea.

My mother would eye-roll and laugh. I learned that things were different in Nana’s as she was special.

I have amazing memories of a fun childhood in Nana’s and didn’t suffer from lack of boundaries or an uptight mum.

You are not being unreasonable.

The issue isn’t the caffeine, it’s the total disregard to your requests. Just rude and weird.

Cannot stand this ‘grandma’s house, grandma’s rules’ mentality. It’s often disrespectful and deliberate.

Why do some older people love giving babies tea 😭

Yeah I find it weird. FIL gave DS tea when he was 2. Thought it was weird but maybe it's something older people love to do. Plus a northern thing?

Yes the disrespect for parents wants definitely sounds deliberate.

My thoughts exactly. My dc have far too much fizzy pop and sweets with their grandparents but in reality does it matter? No. Kids are happy and healthy and grandparents aren’t walking on egg shells around the rules and enjoy these “secret treats”.

Everyone is just so uptight these days. Loosen up! You’ll find life more enjoyable and relaxing

Why do some older people love giving babies tea

It’s not tea as you imagine tea. I don’t have grandkids or give milky tea but it’s pretty easy to answer your question. It’s essentially the same reason that cafe’s serve and parents give babycinno’s to young children. Young children like to have what everyone else is having so people give it in a safe/modified form. The amount of caffeine from tea in a young child’s milky tea is probably the same as that from chocolate sprinkles on a babycinno (cue horror from those parents who hold the absolute minute chocolate powder sprinkle given its absolute equivalence to crack).

My mum used to give it to my kids at my place when she visited. She would even make it up in a baby’s bottle if it was a young one that understood what was going on. One a day so they got to join her with a ‘special cuppa’. There is pretty much zilch caffeine in it and there was no way I was either damaging my relationship with my mum or their bonding over something so harmless. That’s batshit. I didn’t do it with my kids, it was a special thing with grandma, so not an everyday event. As they got older they certainly didn’t want it, a weird warm milk that didn’t really taste of anything else given the tea was so weak.

As above. I can't see the harm of such a tiny amount of caffeine. But if you've said no, the answer is no. You've offered an option for if they really want to have the ritual, that should be the end of the discussion.

As a granny who provided free childcare I am so glad that dd didn't try and police my every interaction with dgs. Yes I largely followed her wishes but I would say that on occasion I didn't. Dgs loved the mock outrage from dd when he informed her that I'd bought him a magazine and an ice cream at the shop (dd would probably ask him to choose one or the other), she'd roll her eyes when she'd see I cut off crusts and make cucumber flowers, she'd sigh when I made another meal because dgs decided he didn't like something he happily ate last week, lots of occasions where I'd do things not exactly how dd would but it didn't matter. Dgs was safe, happy and loved.
It continues to this day, last week dgs asked me to buy him two books, I bought him four because it was better value prompting dgs and dd discussing whether I forgot things because I was old now which amused dd no end.
I wouldn't risk a loving relationship over a cup of milky tea and I say this having experienced going to pick up that same dd from her gps and seeing her chowing down on a magnum ice cream at four months old.

Its milky tea. Not crack.

1st kid i guess.

I agree.

whether the caffeine truly is and issue or isn’t:

the child’s parent don’t want her to drink that kind of milkey tea. There is a super simple alternative (decaf, herbal infusions) and the grandparents are therefore unreasonable to ignore the DP’s wishes.

If you give her any chocolate then your argument is lost as there's more caffeine in chocolate than tea.
Seeks like your being abit harsh.

The issue is they are ignoring you
That is unacceptable

I'd be relieved it was only weak tea but still annoyed

I'm really annoyed it's happened again and feel it's impacting her sleep

It isn't impacting her sleep because there is simply not enough caffeine in a weak milky tea to do that. You are convincing yourself that it's having an effect because you want to confirm your fears.

Your in-laws are not harming your child in any way by giving her tea so in that sense, yes, you're hugely overreacting. However, obviously if you really don't want her to have it, they shouldn't be going against your wishes - the decaf teabags sound like a good idea if that would make you feel better about it.

It's not 'a northern thing'. My family are Londoners and all the children in our family get offered tea.

I know loads of people younger than me who give kids tea, so it's not only an older people thing either. But I suspect it's more common in older people because, back when they were parents of babies themselves, it used to be absolutely 100% normal to give babies tea.

I was surprised how positive our dentist was about tea drinking with no sugar - says it's good for the teeth.

I can't see milky tea actually impacting sleep - unless the child is very sensitive to caffeine. I can also see it being very annoying that they have ignore your wishes on the matter.

On balance though there are much worse things the could be giving her - and if you do stop tea will they start.

So I think it's less tea and more your wishes being ignore - and how much of an issue that is for you. If it's a huge issue don't leave her alone with them again till she is older.

I am guessing they gave to to their kids and they turned out fine.

There’s barely any caffeine in tea, especially the volume she’s drinking.

I think you being stressed is impacting her sleep. Life's too short, get some perspective.

It's old fashioned and no kid needs to 'enjoy a cup of tea'.

However this isn't about the tea. This is about them deliberately overriding your boundary. If they do it with that, what else do they or will they do it with?

There would be no more unsupervised contact until they get on the beam

We drink shit loads of tea in my family - never thought to give it to a baby though. That’s weird.