Grandparents keep giving toddler milky tea

[MrsTrue]

So for the third (maybe fourth) time me and DH have picked up our DD from grandparents around 6-7pm after they've had her for a few hours to be told she's had 'milky tea'. She's 21 months old.

We don't give her any caffeine at all and has asked them 3 times not to do it, we even offered bring round decaf tea bags for them as we drink decaf at home.

DH picked her up earlier to be told she had it again today. I'm really annoyed it's happened again and feel it's impacting her sleep. Apparently it's so weak ot wouldn't have an impact (it's the teabag they've used dipped in water and a splash of milk).

Am I right to be annoyed, or overreacting?

Maybe remind them how important it is to you and your routine at home. They might not realize how much it bothers you. Plus, offering to bring your own tea bags was super considerate!

I think you are being a little bit precious. Never in history has parenting been so micro managed to the nth degree. Relax, parenting is challenging for sure but it doesn’t need to be regarded with such angst. I mean milky tea, big whoop. Please come back and tell me she won’t be eating any chocolate this Easter.

This is one of those "pick your battles" things. Of course they should respect your parenting decisions, but they don't. So is this a serious enough issue to put your foot down over and stop them having her? I don't see how that could result in anything other than a lose-lose outcome for everything. You'll lose free childcare, your daughter will lose out on a close relationship with her grandparents, and your relationship with your in-laws will sour.

This is batshit!
A 1 year old shouldn't be drinking tea. You've asked them not to but they're still ignoring you. You need to put your foot down or stop sending them!
This thread is full of high and mighty gps!

I agree Peter.

Its absolutely crazy to me a 1 year old would be drinking tea!

It honestly really makes me laugh how pearl-clutchy people are about kids drinking tea. Mine all had tea from being toddlers and it's the parenting decision that's attracted the most judgement from other people. Way more than us co-sleeping even. Bizarre. It's tea FFS, not heroin. And yes it's "unnecessary", but so are many, many other things we do with our toddlers.

People have quickly condemned these GPs as "goady", "selfish", "disrespectful" and plenty of other insults. Aren't they just grandparents who are doing what grandparents have always done? Relaxed the rules a bit and let the grandkids have a treat? My lovely, kind, generous wee granny used to give us biscuits at bedtime when we stayed with her. I know as an adult that my mum had asked her not to, but granny just wanted to make us so happy and give us a little treat. Mum would just roll her eyes and that was that. They are some of my happiest memories, being snuggled in my PJs and having a story and a biscuit with granny. If my mum had been able to post on MN about it back then, she'd have been told to go NC and stop the unsupervised contact and my beautiful granny would be called all the names under the sun by online strangers. Times have changed, and not for the better. People are so unforgiving and cold now.

I'd rather her only have warm milk or water (which is what we've asked them to give her in the past), but since they refuse to do that I feel the decaf tea bags is a good compromise

If you are going down that route, don’t provide any teabags. It just makes you look like a complete fool, as in you are okay with your child having milky tea but it’s the caffeine you are objecting to. Realistically there’s pretty much next to nil caffeine your child will get from doing this, so you come across as bonkers with this argument. It certainly will not be impacting on sleep or anything else, more likely being hyped up from just a super fun time with grandparents (even with no food/drink) would have the same effect. Better to say no teabag at all just because you say so (as no actual cause of a problem). Personally, I wouldn’t blink at this but if you are going to make it a hill to die on at least try and save some face, somehow.

@Fargo79 I agree. My granny used to live across the street from us. I would stay over at least once a week and some of my earliest and fondest memories were getting a cup of sweet (sugar!) milky tea and half a slice of melted cheese on toast for supper while watching a cartoon. Then upstairs to her room to get a square of chocolate from the bar she kept in her bedside drawer, then in to bed.

These days, by the sound of this thread, that would get her reported to the police and everyone going NC.

P.S. my pituitary gland and gut is fine.

@LifeFlye so why are they doing it then?

I'm sure it's not harmful but annoying she keeps giving stuff against your wishes. I guess press with the decaf tea bags. My mum used to give me weak milky coffee for breakfast every morning aged 2 onwards! I laughed about it later on as realised it's quite uncommon. She said 'oh, well the french do it. It's chic'. Haha.

It's fine, my love a cuppa with grandad! It's actually quite cute that they all sit and have a cup of tea together. One cup every now and then is not going to do them any harm!
Pick your battles

It's unlikely to be doing her any harm but I think you have the right to be annoyed that your parents are ignoring your childcare instructions.

There is just no reason to give tea to a baby. Why would you?

God, the list of things parents are getting uptight about nowadays is just exponentially growing. It’s ridiculous. And so is complaining that grandparents give your toddler a small amount of very weak, very milky tea.

Meanwhile all the same parents moan that no one is interested in spending time with their children! I think it’s more likely they want to avoid the stress of onerous, ridiculous rules!

That strength of tea won’t hurt but if you’ve asked them not to and they still do, that’s rude.

As an adult, my cup of tea is one of my absolute boons in life. It’s so relaxing and not very harmful to me.
if my old dad hadn’t introduced me to tea with multiple sugars when I was small, I’d never have developed a taste for it. My daughter has no interest in tea or coffee and that’s because I as a conscientious parent made sure not to give a child caffeine. I probably should have gone the milky tea route, I think.

Of course, I'm just pointing out that the suggestion that decadf is the obvious answer is not necessarily that simple.

I think most agree the real issue is that GP's have gone against your wishes and that the actual giving of the tea is not really a bad thing.

So from their point of view your request doesn't make sense and when DD asked for the tea they didn't see the point in saying no and having to explain something they didn't agree with. (options: we were wrong before we are bad grandparents, or your mother is a control freak and told us we cant give it to you anymore).

Yabu op.

Im really learning a lot about tea now. If the teabag has already been used to brew a proper cup (especially a stronger cup) the caffeine will have mostly already been absorbed. A quick dunk in milk afterwards is going to do little other than add a little colour and flavour. Seems much better than using a new decaffeinated bag which has been treated with industrial solvents!

Again, I can see it's about communication and "your child your rules" and or course nobody needs tea but it is enormously beneficial for your DC to have a close and loving relationship with GPs.

Gosh it's fine. A weak, milky tea barely has any caffeine in and it's not going to do an almost 2 year old any harm whatsoever. How lovely that she gets to be all grown-up and share teatime with her grandparents.

I'd rather her only have warm milk or water (which is what we've asked them to give her in the past), but since they refuse to do that I feel the decaf tea bags is a good compromise.

You really think using tea bags that have been decaffeinated with ethyl acetate is a good compromise? Weird.

My kids had this at tea time with grandparents.
I insisted on no sugar but they still had a biscuit sometimes.

It's warm, it's in a little tea cup and saucer and it's slightly coloured, and pink if raspberry leaf tea like they sometimes had.

It's a point of social connectedness.

And me. Life seems full of dramas, over nothing, these days.🙄

YABU. If she has any chocolate, that has caffeine. Lots of kids round the world drink tea. If you want anyone else to look after your kid, you have to chill,out and have some perspective