Grandparents keep giving toddler milky tea

[MrsTrue]

So for the third (maybe fourth) time me and DH have picked up our DD from grandparents around 6-7pm after they've had her for a few hours to be told she's had 'milky tea'. She's 21 months old.

We don't give her any caffeine at all and has asked them 3 times not to do it, we even offered bring round decaf tea bags for them as we drink decaf at home.

DH picked her up earlier to be told she had it again today. I'm really annoyed it's happened again and feel it's impacting her sleep. Apparently it's so weak ot wouldn't have an impact (it's the teabag they've used dipped in water and a splash of milk).

Am I right to be annoyed, or overreacting?

If you hand the responsibility of caring for a child to the grandparents then the parents should respect their wishes. They shouldn't be made to feel guilty for every move they make thats not according to rules which if not strictly adhered to would cause absolutely no harm. Control freakery is not an attractive trait.

I had it as a kid, did me no harm whatsoever.

This. I would never have dreamed of giving DM the orders that some posters think are reasonable to inflict on their parents who are very kindly doing them childcare favours. As long as DD was kept happy, safe and healthy that’s all I cared about

I don't think I could get worked up over milky weak tea. As a pp said, it keeps her hydrated and the milk is calcium.

how much caffein do you think is in her milky tea to affect her sleep lol😂🙄

You’re absolutely right to be annoyed.

Although like many others have said it is probably fine to give her, that actually isn’t the issue here. The issue is the repeat and disregard for your boundaries for YOUR CHILD. You’ve said not to do something and regardless of what it is and what their opinion is they should respect your wishes. It’s so incredibly disrespectful and wrong to ignore a parent’s boundaries (repeatedly too!). What else are they doing against your wishes and not telling you about?

The worst part of they ignored you three times. That would piss me off. Presumably they said 'yeah, yeah we won't do tea anymore, fine' and then just did it again.

Tea is addictive. You can get withdrawal symptoms from it.

How lovely of your in laws to be able to babysit.

Only in the UK do we congratulate family members for doing the bare minimum. They're seeing their own grandchild because they want to, they aren't saints doing it from the kindness of their hearts.

And they're also not listening to op and her Dh, the parents. Paid babysitters would actually respect her wishes, yet these folks can't.

My kids love/loved a brew in a bottle although I don’t give it to them before bed. I guess if you’ve asked them not to do it and they still are, that would annoy me. You will always get the Grandparents or Parent friends who think they know better because they did it but it’s not about that. You’ve told them not to so they should respect that.

My kids were brought up on milky tea from 1 year old. I bought decaf teabags for them. Everyone in both families are avid brew drinkers but they knew to give them decaf when little and would always say they had one. Now in their teens we love nothing better than to sit and have a brew at the table and talk over our days. Unreasonable to go against your requests as parents as we’ve had this issue with other things in the past and had to dig our heels in but a milky weak tea isn’t the end of the world.

My mother gave me tea like this when I was a child. I gave it to my kids as well. They loved it. It is known as cambric tea. Nothing wrong with it.

Im not in England...I m not English or in the Uk...Is a brew a northern expression? My nice Manchester builder liked to have a brew.

Then you might not be able to ask for help with your child. Honestly, you’re making a fuss about nothing.

Exactly this for me. Also, I’m not a tea or coffee drinker. My husband is and wishes he wasn’t as it’s quite a costly habit - coffee esp of course. He also has stained teeth! He doesn’t want our DC to start it unless they want to as young adults. So I think he’d even be a bit annoyed too.

But obviously free childcare is a tricky one to navigate……

I don't think your child will experience any harm from a cup of weak milky tea, but I also think grandparents should absolutely follow the instructions given by the parents. Now it's milky tea, maybe later sugary drinks? Soda? Candy?

I’d be a bit put out that they are ignoring your rules/requests/ wishes.
I wouldn’t give my grandbabies anything that their parents have said no to.
The argument for not wanting kids to have tea isn’t just the caffeine, tea isn’t recommended for children because it stops them absorbing iron.

Stirring the pot with this post. The op is controlling her child's time with her grandparents and what they do together. She is spoiling her child's relationship with her grandparents who dote on her. It's important for a child to have a relationship with their grandparents. I wish my children did bringing them up would have been a lot easier and less stressful. The days I hated when my kids were at school was grandparent day. As long as her child has good oral hygiene she should be fine.

Another point well made. I may have a few different views to my childrens grandparents but as long as they do no harm & they never would then I leave the childcare decisions in their capable hands. My parental skills are no better than theirs and I wouldn't patronise them by making them feel they were. If it was a rule that by not adhering to it would cause great harm to their health or wellbeing that's different but from what I'm gathering this is rarely the case.

The op is controlling her child's time with her grandparents and what they do together. She is spoiling her child's relationship with her grandparents who dote on her.

WTF

Did I miss the part when op stopped the grandparents seeing the children? (Genuinely)

Also, grandparents are dicks for agreeing not to give tea, and doing it. And I say this as someone who loved tea as a kid, but their behaviour isn't on. It's not their child, and it's so disrespectful when they've been kindly asked multiple times

Given how they've been sneaking cake into her diet I think you need to ask them directly if they are putting sugar in the tea.

.

It’s cake, not cocaine. Relax a bit

She’s absolutely not controlling or spoiling anything. She’s asked they don’t give her child something, that’s a very simple request to follow. The grandparents can still have lovely quality time with their grandchild whilst adhering to their wishes. The grandparents have had their time to be parents, now it’s this mum’s time and she has a right to request them not to give her child tea. Whether they agree or not, it’s not up to them.

I don’t want my baby drinking a milky tea when she’s older, so if my parents or in laws did this when I have specifically requested them not to I would be furious. It’s a very simple request and there’s an element of trust that they’re breaking there.