Grandparents keep giving toddler milky tea

[MrsTrue]

So for the third (maybe fourth) time me and DH have picked up our DD from grandparents around 6-7pm after they've had her for a few hours to be told she's had 'milky tea'. She's 21 months old.

We don't give her any caffeine at all and has asked them 3 times not to do it, we even offered bring round decaf tea bags for them as we drink decaf at home.

DH picked her up earlier to be told she had it again today. I'm really annoyed it's happened again and feel it's impacting her sleep. Apparently it's so weak ot wouldn't have an impact (it's the teabag they've used dipped in water and a splash of milk).

Am I right to be annoyed, or overreacting?

It's the ops first child she is being over the top. I was a little crazy with my first child and then as I had more children I loosened up. To limit contact because of cake and tea is unreasonable especially if her daughter is happy. They won't be around forever and it's those little memories that children treasure later on.

You are massively overreacting. In times past people drank tea as boiled water was safest, and kids were having tea from a young age. Your dc will be fine.

I was like the op with my first child so I do get it. If her child is happy and content why spoil that. Grandparents are fun and give nice treats. I have lots of fond memories being with my grandparents.

If your child doesn’t sleep well after being with them, I would guess it’s because you have become tense and upset due to your wishes being disregarded. Toddlers often react to a change of mood like this. I think that is more likely than weak milky tea affecting her sleep.

Why bother then? Just use milk and water

Exactly this! My MIL used to buy my 9 month old chocolate!

My 2yo loves a "cup a tea". She has decaf (as do I now) and it's not stewed for long. Tea also contains flouride, which is good for teeth. She was first given it by her grandmother (also decaf) and loved it.

I was asked first, and I was always very clear that she wasn't to have anything we wouldn't give her without asking first. It's a nice way for them to have something warm to drink that isn't just milk. And a nice bonding.

But if you've specifically said not to give your child it, then it's quite bad to be constantly dismissed.

@Carpediemmakeitcount

I never used butter on sandwiches when mine were young. I would just fill with filling.

I also never have bought squash or fizzy drink.

A 'helpful person' ignored my instructions and once they had butter they always wanted it.

Fortunately they only became exposed to squash and fizzy drinks once they got older. But then they had developed really healthy enjoyment of water. It's their first choice. I'm horrified at how many British people don't drink plain water.

Limiting exposure to things until kids naturally discover them can mean it's not an automatic first choice

I think you’re missing her actual point here

Yep. And the usual MN culprits will be saying it's the grandparents right and that the parents are being controlling.

They'd probably feed vegetarian kids meat and ignore allergies

I think making a huge deal about / banning the cute bonding experience with loving grandparents will do more harm than the minimal caffeine will

I had a special relationship with my grandparents. Life was difficult at home and my grandparents were always there to wipe tears and listen to our complaints. Nonna used to call it magic tea (she was Italian and her drink of choice definitely wasn't tea, but she made an effort for my sister and I) because she said that it gave us superpowers to cope with whatever hell our mother was putting us through and keep dreaming. It is over tea and cake that we talked about how we felt when the younger children came along, when we didn't have enough money for new shoes and when we were hit for answering back. She understood the unfairness of our lives and was a tower of support for us....bonded over tea and cake from being a toddler. In fact my sister recently found a photo of the two of us with nonna and a pot of tea and lemon cake. We each had a little cup, which was replaced by personalised mugs when we started school.
It is because of our grandmother that my sister and I had the strength to leave and go to university. She's the reason why I'm a doctor and my sister a lawyer.
The only good thing my mother ever did in her life was to allow us to have our relationship with our grandparents. Though it was mostly because once a new baby came along she couldn't be arsed with us 🤷‍♀️
The bond between a grandparent and grandchild can be so magical and wonderful. I do feel for little children today whose parents are intent on them not having that. I'm forever glad that I did.

Personally I don’t see the harm in it, but I’d be more worried why they think it’s acceptable just to ignore your rules. As far as I’m concerned someone isn’t trustworthy to look after my child if they can’t follow such an instruction as easy as that. It’s not like your child is likely to be asking for tea and even if they are could be easily tricked at that age into thinking anything is tea, or make them a hot chocolate instead.

Sounds like they are challenging you to challenge them on it, otherwise why would they keep telling you they’d done it even after you telling them not to several times. I think your issues lie a lot deeper than giving tea to a toddler. I’d be asking them if they need to get checked for memory loss and ask them to explain themselves before I’d let them look after my kid again.

I've heard it all now 🤣

There is absolutely zero reason or rationale to avoid using butter on a toddler’s sandwich. At that age they need the fats, not ridiculous Slimming World style behaviour

ask them to explain themselves before I’d let them look after my kid again.

Yes to this!

I agree with you I would tell my children water is free drink it. I would very rarely buy squash because it has aspartame in it. My 3 older children didn't discover fizzy drinks and chocolate until their teens. I gave it to them now and again when they were little. They are growing out of it now they are gym bunnies. My youngest is the most spoilt out off all of them. He will grow out of it eventually.

@woahhhh why wouldn't put a bit of butter in your childs sandwich?

I got that from my Italian grandfather on my 10th birthday. He then taught me how to brew it properly and how to use a moka pot.

Grandparents are the best.

um the grandparents are deliberately doing something they have been asked not to. Thats not on.

Way over the top reaction, but if it makes you feel better, send her with the decaf tea bags, don’t just “offer”.

How is op being over the top if the grandparents are walking all over her

I would be annoyed if it is affecting her sleep. Personally I can’t consume any caffeine after lunch or it affects my sleep. It takes 4 to 6 hours for the body remove half of the caffeine ingested. I can’t see how this is benefitting your child, why can’t they just use the decaf tea bags if they want her to join in?

So giving OP free childcare is walking all over her? Quite the opposite.

Some people have become very odd about children. They aren't "YOURS". They are individuals. You don't own them. All this "My child, my rules" stuff makes me anxious. If it's not a safety issue ( car seat in car etc) then just relax.

I used to give my kids milky tea, I think you’re being petty