Grandparents keep giving toddler milky tea

[MrsTrue]

So for the third (maybe fourth) time me and DH have picked up our DD from grandparents around 6-7pm after they've had her for a few hours to be told she's had 'milky tea'. She's 21 months old.

We don't give her any caffeine at all and has asked them 3 times not to do it, we even offered bring round decaf tea bags for them as we drink decaf at home.

DH picked her up earlier to be told she had it again today. I'm really annoyed it's happened again and feel it's impacting her sleep. Apparently it's so weak ot wouldn't have an impact (it's the teabag they've used dipped in water and a splash of milk).

Am I right to be annoyed, or overreacting?

Honestly weak tea and a bit of cake and her grandparents once a week/fortnight won't harm her.

That's the fun of going to your grandparents - all the treats!

Taking it this is first baby? After 3 children OP I wouldn’t even bat an eyelid at this but I do remember those days of being a tad overprotective over my firstborn. Oh to have those dilemmas again - the teenage years are something else 😫

I don't see any caffeine listed.

https://www.calpol.co.uk/our-products/calpol-infant-suspension

What’s in this medicine? The active ingredient is: Paracetamol 120 mg per 5 ml Other ingredients are: Maltitol liquid, glycerol, polysorbate 80, sorbitol solution (E420), methyl parahydroxybenzoate (E218), propyl parahydroxybenzoate (E216), ethyl parahydroxybenzoate (E214), microcrystalline cellulose and carmellose sodium, xanthan gum and purified water. The flavouring is strawberry (containing propylene glycol (E1520) and benzyl alcohol) and colouring is carmoisine (E122).

The caffeine isn't the issue.

But tannins in tea reduce the ability of the body to absorb iron. Adults aren't usually very susceptible to this, but young children very much are. So decaf or not decaf, tea is not for toddlers.

Grandparents your giving up your free time in order that I can have my free time. My rules are as follows.
Please don't go overboard by giving them treats I dont agree with.
Do not let them nap too long.
Do not let them play in the garden if its muddy.
Make sure they eat vegetables with every meal.
Do not allow pudding if they dont eat main course.
Do not give them diluting juice.
Do not give them cake or biscuits and as the King says in the film king & I, exetera exetera exetera.

Above all keep your distance.Although I can't bear the thought of you loving them and its reciprocated, make sure when I snap my fingers you are readily available.

I think YANBU.

Buy decaf perhaps?

I laughed at this because when I was teaching two heads of department, ie reasonably well paid, had a system where each would provide the milk every other week. As a reward for this he had the first dibs on the tea bag, they shared a teabag every time.
The same pair magically put in an appearance for a school production when the VIPs were coming, I ran the front of house and asked them to set up the tea urn in preparation for the interval refreshments. I had to tell them to close the tap as the water was by now all over the floor. Idiots!

For me it's the ignoring of what you are asking.
Theres probably minimal tea in it so may as well just stick to milk.
I have low iron and tea reduces your ability to absorb iron so seeing as tea is something a child won't really miss I wouldn't get them started on it
Cake though we'll that's a tough one who doesn't love a bit of cake now and again

They are doing you a favour, but that doesn’t mean they can ignore your choices over drinks and food.

Our kids only had milk or water until they were about 10, and I’d have been very cross if grandparents ignored this. I’d also not be too impressed about cake. A toddler doesn’t need that in their diet.

How lovely of your in laws to be able to babysit.

Many dont or can't.

There is much bigger fish in the sea to fry than this.

Take flowers and a box of decaf with a hug of gratitude 🙏

Your over reacting there's caffeine in lots of things and a milky tea won't hurt her ,her sleep is likely affected because of being over stimulated not the tea.
Them ignoring your rules and boundaries though is a big problem what will they choose to ignore next .
Your child Your rules if they can't respect that they don't have her un supervised anymore

I think it's disrespectful mainly as you've asked them not to and they've done it anyway.

We used to have it, as small kids. But I wouldn’t give it to my toddler. He’s bad enough at going to bed already! They should respect your wishes.

My best memories with my Nanny are her having her tea and making me a milky one. I will say.. as an adult i am now off sugar in tea as my nan put a buttload in there!! but it was a dip dip out of the bag. Not the strong brewed one she had for herself always on the stove. I loved it. Now I know that tea tastes so much nicer without sugar, but i still put milk in it

Not overreacting at all. You’ve said she’s not to have the tea at all, and they have over ruled you, your child’s parent. As it stands they can’t be trusted to care for your child.

I was actually triggered by some of the replies “I just dip the teabag in a few seconds” 😂😂😭😭 THAT IS NOT TEA! (I do ofc get why people do this for their kids)

Your colleagues are nuts, what grown adults share a tea bag? 😂 Saying that my auntie sometimes does does it but I love her so I spare her my wrath.

The best parents are the parents who nurture their children's relationship with grandparents. Sadly there is often a lot of jealousy when children bond with their grandparents especially on the paternal side. When children are denied this for minor issues involving petty rules the only ones to miss out on the benefits of this very special relationship are the children. My grandparents on both sides meant the world to me and I treasure every memory.

@Thatslife18 I live in the Dominican Republic now.. from belfast. Our kids live in Canada. I am flying up in just over two weeks for five days at our daughters. Our grandkids are sending me menu requests. LOL.. We have 3... our eldest and second eldest are from our daughter ..youngest from our son and his amazing wife! I can hardly wait!! Our granddaughter is 14 (the eldest gc) and she is babysitting and saving her money as she wants to come for a month this summer.. her parents say fine as long as you save instead of spend. She is already almost up to her flight price, she needs some spending money saved, but of course this gramma and papa do not expect money towards her keep!! I also do some things that my daughter does not like ( I have been known to bow to icecream for breakfast lol) but she never complains. I was her childcare for about six years when they were little and we lived in Canada, and she appreciated everything. She rolled her eyes once in a while. Gramma's house..Gramma's rules. (except if they had done something wrong and parents took away screens or whatever, that I abided by)

The issue is that you have directly asked them to stop and they have not. So what else are they going to disrespect you about?

It’s a cup of tea for goodness sake, if such a non issue is all that is playing on OP’s mind then she’s very fortunate! The grandparents are providing childcare, if she doesn’t like their ways then she’ll have to find a different person to look after her DD (and likely pay for it). I never gave DM a strict list of rules to follow with DD, I’m not a control freak and figured that a woman who raised me and 5 more children might know what she’s doing. By some miracle she is now 19 and still very much living!

You have told them no tea but yet they persist in giving your child this drink. Absolutely unacceptable. Tell them that they will be seeing their grandchild under your supervision. Find other childcare.

You’re being incredibly silly and precious. My son used to love having a brew with his grandma.

I don't know anything about the rights or wrongs of toddlers and milky tea, but the point is you've asked them to respect your wishes – on this and on naps, cake etc – and they have ignored you.
I'd tell them firmly they respect your requests or they will only see her when you're there.
Or, if they're your DH's parents (sorry if you've said and I missed it), HE needs to tell them this.

oh ffs. as grandparents we love to spoil our grandmonsters. My daughter walke d in our house once and two were bouncing on the couch. She actually said.. "who the hell are you and what have you done with my parents?" She would have got a scolding as a child doing that, but we have chilled now, as we can send them home LOL Grandparents are supposed to be the fun ones. We have earned it. Especially if you want FREE childcare

I can see that a lot of people have said you are BU, but I’d be annoyed as well - it’s just unnecessary for them to give it to your DC. It’s also going against your wishes, which I wouldn’t be happy about.