Grandparents keep giving toddler milky tea

[MrsTrue]

So for the third (maybe fourth) time me and DH have picked up our DD from grandparents around 6-7pm after they've had her for a few hours to be told she's had 'milky tea'. She's 21 months old.

We don't give her any caffeine at all and has asked them 3 times not to do it, we even offered bring round decaf tea bags for them as we drink decaf at home.

DH picked her up earlier to be told she had it again today. I'm really annoyed it's happened again and feel it's impacting her sleep. Apparently it's so weak ot wouldn't have an impact (it's the teabag they've used dipped in water and a splash of milk).

Am I right to be annoyed, or overreacting?

It's not just the tea, though, is it?

They pretty much ignore you completely

I'd rethink them seeing her without you around. And when you are, step in

(although one or two tiny things I would let pass)

Mine all drank tea from the ages of 6 months. The only issue I have is the fact they aren't listening to you when you tell them you don't want her to have it.

My whole family smoked around me. But on the whole I had a good childhood

Wouldn't like that now, would we?

I think you're worrying over nothing about her actually drinking the tea, however I would be really annoyed if I'd told people my child shouldn't have x and they kept giving it to her anyway - and then brazenly told you when you collected her! Like they're doing it on purpose!

I think you have to pick your battles tbh particularly if they are doing you a favour. It's not gonna hurt is it? Would not be happy however of they were adding sugar. Could be worse they could be stuffing her with sweets .

I don't understand this attitude. This is about relationships, not money. I helped a family member paint, should I have done it in my choice of colour because I wasn't paid? My Dad trimmed my hedge, he did the bits I asked him to because he was doing me a favour and hadn't just shown up to vandalise the place. Grandparents are going against the parental request to mark their territory - because they can. They'd do what they ry wanted to, even if paid. Money isn't relevant.

Yes, because a bit of tea and cake is a perfectly reasonable justification to begin to alienate your child from their grandparents

Only on MN

I wouldn't patronise my childrens grandparents by spouting rules and insinuating I'm a far beter parent because of my rules. Grandparents on both sides should be considered an extension of the parents. They are an extremely important part of a childs upbringing albeit if they they care enough and genuinely want to help. They are entitled to do as they see fit while they are in charge as long as they cause no harm. Having grandparents constantly worrying if parents noses will be put out of joint with the least thing they do is simply unfair. Parents can't take advantage of the grandparents help while also resenting the fact their children bond with them and love them too.

I didn't say not see them

They can see them as a family. As many, many people do.

And I'll bet as she gets older, it will be more than 'tea and cake'

Maybe some do use CO2 but according to this article: https://www.independent.co.uk/extras/indybest/food-drink/best-decaf-tea-b1820447.html
Yorkshire and Tetley's both use methylene chloride to decaffeinated which must account for a lot of the market. I don't know, maybe it is safer for toddlers than caffeine but I'd not jump to that conclusion personally.

Unless the 'rules' are utterly ridiculous (and I've seen some of those), it really isn't difficult to follow the parents' wishes.

Sometimes it would have suited me to let DGC sleep longer at naptime, but would have been a huge impact for the parents that evening so I didn't.

I did what I was asked

When she turns 5 do you think they’re going to start doing shots with her or something?

You have asked them not to do this. They should do what you asked End off. It is by no means an unreasonable request.

MIL used to be similar. It wasn't so much what she gave dd or whatever, but more the way she would tell me she'd done it just as she was leaving with that LOOK at me, kind of scornful, daring me to make a fuss.

Mostly, I just thought grandparents always spoil their gcs, it's part of the special memories your child will have which encourage bonding. It was the look.

Weak tea in a cup is much less squalid than. Tea in a baby’s bottle.

Calpol infant suspension does not contain caffeine (not sure about other brands)

Whole milk is advised becasue it contains vitamins..semi skimmed is basically processed sugar water. A bit occasionally won't harm but if they are doing regular childcare it is no good for the child to be drinking semi skimmed

in the tablets but not in the liquid. There's also hardly any caffeine in milk chocolate. You'd have to eat 5 bars to get the same as a cup of tea

I'd just be grateful that they're looking after your toddler. Don't mention the tea unless you don't want then to babysit anymore, as it's really a non-issue.

Very surprised at reaction here!

lots of studies show caffeine stunts childrens growth - it’s an absolute no no (and I’m usually very relaxed!)

yes it might be milky but unless you’re making it yourself, how do you know how long that tea bag has been in for, how many cups, how often - surely better to just not do it?

so weird about having to do this to involve in tea time - just give her some plain milk in a tea cup surely??

stand firm OP.

This is absolute bollocks, no scientific trial has ever proved that to be correct

The most shocking thing about this thread is that people dip a used tea bag into milk and dare to call it tea 😂

Someone call the police I’d like to report a crime

There’s caffeine in “paracetamol extra” tablets for adults, but in calpol tablets?

The caffeine is neither here nor there there.
It's the fact they continue to do something you've asked them not to. There will be other things they're over ruling you on.
The question is how much does this bother you? Are you prepared to give up your child free time?
I wonder...suspect not.

Fags and booze? 😆