Grandparents keep giving toddler milky tea

[MrsTrue]

So for the third (maybe fourth) time me and DH have picked up our DD from grandparents around 6-7pm after they've had her for a few hours to be told she's had 'milky tea'. She's 21 months old.

We don't give her any caffeine at all and has asked them 3 times not to do it, we even offered bring round decaf tea bags for them as we drink decaf at home.

DH picked her up earlier to be told she had it again today. I'm really annoyed it's happened again and feel it's impacting her sleep. Apparently it's so weak ot wouldn't have an impact (it's the teabag they've used dipped in water and a splash of milk).

Am I right to be annoyed, or overreacting?

Probably 15ish? I don't know why a child would want to drink tea.

I think of it as a grown ups drink - like beer or coffee.

My kids have cows milk or water. I honestly wouldn't have thought to offer them a cuppa!

Next thing you know your todder will be doing heroic doses of MDMA out of straw and a broken lightbulb.

When did parents turn into such control freaks? I used to leave mine with my mum and just let her get on with it. She made a decent job of getting me to adulthood so it never occurred to me to tell her what she could or couldn’t do. The result was the closest of relationships between them, they adored one another.

Are the Grandparents Irish? I remember this was a thing in rural Ireland.

If my parents are good enough to have the children then I let them do what ever they like. They gave me a fantastic childhood. I even had tea and the froth off my dads bitter and it didn't harm me at all. I don't get why people micro manage grandparents 😕

It's funny because my siblings and I grew up drinking STRONG lattes since we were little toddlers. If you're from the Caribbean then you know! My hubby had to remind me that this is not a thing in the UK and I can't give our child coffee. It was confusing to me. A milky tea wont do any harm but it's your child so it's your say.

Maybe because it’s a perfectly normal drink and kids often like to feel grown up and have what their parents are drinking? DD was partial to going out to cafés for a ‘cappuccino’ (actually just frothy milk with chocolate sprinkles on top) when she was about 3!

You don’t allow your 15 year old to drink tea? If so you’re going to have a very hard life over the next few years when the other forbidden drinks come along! Get a grip

Personally as a parent I’d rather you just gave my child actual sugar, not harmful chemical sweeteners but each to their own

Kindly, I would try to relax about it. Even the cake thing, once a week or every 2 weeks isn't going to harm your toddler. The tea would be a non issue for me unless there's always sugar in it. I do actually think it's good for children to have variations in schedules and treatment from caregivers so they understand different people do things differently. If they start begging for tea and cake at home, I'd firmly stand by calling it a grandma and grandad thing and it's a treat because you don't see them every day. I'd recommend not getting too cross about it because you might sour relationships which are benefiting your bubba. I know it's hard when you have a big plan in your head of exactly when you'll give them X thing or let them have A B C to eat or drink but it is harmless. If they are giving baby cake every time they see them and that's multiple times a week, I'd tell them to stick to one day a week with it and a smaller piece. Often or every other day would bother me a bit too and I'd tell them to stop in a polite but firm way

Imagine telling your kids when they are older that the reason they never saw their grandparents is because they gave them a cup of milky tea.....

Taking it slightly to the extreme there. Nobody has said don’t let them see their grandchildren ever again. The op had posted to say it’s not just the tea thing, there have been other occasions where other instructions have been blatantly disregarded. It’s more about boundaries, respect and trust than it is about tea. But you know that already.

The thing that would annoy me more is the fact they refuse to listen to you. My parents were like and so I would never ask them to look after my children.

What you have described there is a 'baby chino' round these parts! And very much a kids drink... unlike tea!

I understand being upset at them repeatedly doing something you’ve said you’re not happy with, but I really don’t understand the concern over tea. I had it from infancy, as have my children (now 12 and 10, though I didn’t start them on it as early as I had it myself, and they’ve never had it with sugar, which I had to wean myself off as an adult!). Starting with half and half milk/weak tea and building up to a proper cup which they now have at breakfast and after school. To the pp with children the same age who said “why do children need tea” - for the same reason anyone else does! It’s comforting, it tastes nice without being sweet and it’s a social lubricant which to be honest, as a Brit, I felt it was important they developed a taste for! They have hot chocolate sometimes as a treat, (and DD likes an occasional coffee now) but I’d much rather tea was the default hot drink.

I drank tea from a young age as I was always up early with my dad who was a very committed tea drinker. We were also given very weak, milky coffee at nursery school (no one ever believes me when I say this, but it happened- it was the late 70s if that makes any difference.) I don’t believe very small amounts of caffeine are harmful for children.

Having said all that, if you’ve asked them not to, then I don’t think they should. Grandparents can’t always ignore their feeling that they know best! My mum insisted on doing potty training when my DD was round there, even though I’d told her that we were taking a break from it because it had got stressful for us all and it didn’t seem like she was ready. 🙄 All worked out all right in the end.

It is made to resemble a cappuccino, as like I have said previously kids enjoy being able to have what their parents are drinking. I may have to send you into a state of shock and tell you that her favourite thing to do was to eat the foam off of my ‘real’ cappuccinos too. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with it, it’s a bit of caffeine not a shot of vodka

personally milky sugary very weak tea is something we gave DD.... BUT

this issue here is not what we all think of that but that you asked PILs not to do it and they ignored you!

Oh no, not chemicals! All chemicals are guaranteed to be deadly. Better not give your child any food, or medicine, or water ever again. Breast milk? Full of them.

Actually, they mostly use CO2 to remove caffeine, but who cares about facts when you can scream about chemicals.

Well said 👍

This

I'm surprised at the support for this - fundamentally they are ignoring your boundaries. It's also such a bizarre concept to me and what is tea time - is that not just snack time? Maybe it's just cultural

There's definitely a cultural element. If you had a thread filled with people who grew up with strong lattes and the odd one saying nope. The thread would pretty much be like this one.

My mother and grandmother thought it was ok to ask us to light their fags for them from the cooker... We turned out alright... It's the same sort of attitude. We entrench customs passed down and will not be told otherwise.

People are weird about drinking tea I've gleaned.

This is a very good one, it seems quite popular in some places for grandparents to give the little ones quite a lot of warm milk with a bit of colour on in. (Tea or coffee) with sugar so they can soak their biscuits in it.

I'm not a fan of it, but it happened to me as well, the little ones like copying the adults so everyone is having a cuppa.
I told my daughter grands to avoid to get the tea on it and bought decaf tea/ coffee as well just in case they will put some in hers the odd day.

@Caiti19 dh grew up in rural Ireland and his family do love to give toddlers a bottle of milky tea with sugar in it. It wasn't something we did with our kids.
My grandfather lived with us in urban Ireland and for our elevenses we had blckcurrant jam with boiling water to melt it. Obviously it was cooled a bit before we drank it. And at the bottom of the cup a spoon was needed for the blackcurrants.
I was 7 when he died...I m in my sixties now. But I remember the blackcurrant jam ritual. (I didn't replicate it).