Grandparents keep giving toddler milky tea

[MrsTrue]

So for the third (maybe fourth) time me and DH have picked up our DD from grandparents around 6-7pm after they've had her for a few hours to be told she's had 'milky tea'. She's 21 months old.

We don't give her any caffeine at all and has asked them 3 times not to do it, we even offered bring round decaf tea bags for them as we drink decaf at home.

DH picked her up earlier to be told she had it again today. I'm really annoyed it's happened again and feel it's impacting her sleep. Apparently it's so weak ot wouldn't have an impact (it's the teabag they've used dipped in water and a splash of milk).

Am I right to be annoyed, or overreacting?

Well I just wouldn't risk the relationship with my own adult dc nor my gc by being so openly disrespectful to them.
If they asked me to do or avoid something I thought was crazy I will simply talk to them about it and ask.

Well, they're not you. So it's up to the OP and DH to decide if they want to end the grandparents/grandchild relationship over this. Because what they can't do is force the grandparents to grandparent to their standards.

Arf Holly.
Of course it is and they may be happy to continue the relationship..
I'm just saying I wouldn't want to risk it if this was my gc. Our mutual respect and relationship would be far far more important to me than rubbing indescretions in their face

I did this when baby sitting my dgc .
I honestly haven't thought anything about it .It was a cuppa tea like the rest of us were having and had happily done same with dc.Ds did comment so I did stop giving the hot milky water with a used tea bag swished through it .
I never commented on the sweets dsc was allowed lol .

Much better to get them drinking tea 🤷‍♀️

So many young people don't drink hot drinks now only squash or fizzy pop.

It won't do her any harm at all 🤦‍♀️🤣

No cake and only milk or water - what lovely times she'll remember being spoilt at nan and grandads 🤔🤦‍♀️🤣

@MrsTrue i think some posters are missing the point here.

you have asked them not to do it on more than one occasion.

it doesn’t matter if it’s tea or chocolate or apples. They have crossed a line by going against something that you have asked them not to do.

huge breach of trust for me.

YANBU

Tell us about all your fond memories of visiting your grandparents at 21 months old 🙄

All my grandparents are gone unfortunately, I have some wonderful memories but none of them are about what I ate or drank there. They 'spoiled' me with love and warmth and cuddles though, I remember that.

Honey is not less harmful to teeth than sugar.

I doubt the actual drink, itself, will do her any harm, BUT what I’d really be cross about, would be the disregard of your request not to give her it!

Ultimately she is your child and it is up to you what she can and cannot have, not up to her GP’s.

My DS LOVED a cup of tea at that age. He loved a trip to Costa or Starbucks for tea and cake and they were always so good with him giving him a espresso cup of very milky tea and he would get his own plate to have a small piece of my cake on for himself. I think you need to lighten up I bet your DD loves her cuppa with grandma.

If it was the 1st time I’d say it’s not the end of the world. However you have repeatedly asked them not to & they have completely disregarded your wishes. That’s not ok you are the parent not them

If it was me then grandparents are no longer permitted to babysit as they cannot respect a very simple boundary you have set. If they cannot respect that then it shows they don’t respect you as a parent & I would tell them as such

When my grandad was in charge of me he would let me sip away at his Guinness from age 4. I think really diluted milky tea is absolutely fine. Supply the tea bags for them to use and I think it’s no problem.

As a fellow parent of a 21 month old, I would be fuming! Especially if you’ve notice a correlation in sleep too.

You are correct to be annoyed.
Also this can be addictive aspect.
There are so many alternatives ...I would be livid too.

The only thing I can suggest is ( if theyre being underhand) SECRETLY SWAP the bags in their cabinet ( while theyre not looking) for decaff.
Theres more than one way to skin a cat.
But , after you have done it : keep reminding them : " no tea" ( encase they smell a rat)
😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆

Ditto..HONEY is not LESS but more harmful.due to its sticky consistency !!!!!

YANBU. It's not about the tea. It's your child and they should respect your rules.

It is a small thing, but will they stick to your rules on more important things?

Yes they're doing you a favour and you should be prepared for them to do things differently to you but what rules will they decide are unnecessary in future. Maybe your kid doesn't need a helmet on their bike - granny's house, granny's rules? Etc.

For me it would come down to whether I can trust them with bigger stuff. If not, stop using them for childcare. Acknowledge with them that this is a small hill to die on but you believe if they won't stick to your boundaries on small things, they won't on big things and that's unacceptable.

I came to say this.
It has little to do with tea or caffeine and everything to do with ignoring your wishes.
You might want to bring that up with them as kindly as you can.

Another goady MIL thread created to watch the gnashing of teeth for yet another innocuous reason. I don’t suppose OP will return to this thread. They never do….

I’m almost 66 and one of my happiest memories is the bottle of weak tea my grandma would give me when we were watching watch with mother.

Actually it alternated and some days she’d pour it into a saucer and I’d slurp it up out of that. By the time that days episode of the show was over my head would be on her lap and I’d almost be asleep. She’d also have a wee fly 40 winks as well.

Happy happy happy days❤️

Yeah I agree with you. While I'd be fine with my kids having anything non-alcoholic that's not the point is it - the OP has made a parental decision that's getting overruled. It's disrespectful and creating distrust

OMG! A cup of milky tea for an almost 2 year old!!! Won’t somebody think of the children!

Get a bloody grip! It’s half a cup of milk with a little boiling water to take the chill off and a squeeze of a teabag.

The way some posters are acting you’d swear dc was ordered to drink a cup of arsenic. Apoplectic over a weak cup of tea? Ok… 😂😂 Only on MN

It never crossed my mind to give my young kids tea. Nobody I knew did either!

It is irritating they have gone against your wishes but not worth escalating really.

Why not just take a box of decaf round they would probably use it if it were there. I do believe grandparents should be given some slack because although they enjoy seeing grandchildren it is bloody exhausting to have them my parenta give the kids all sorts of stuff we wouldn't but I feel it's not worth getting het up about, they're not doing it to defy me as a mother but to have a lovely time and treat their grandkids. As I read your post I could see how this milky tea is a bonding thing for your child and their grandparents and a lovely one, my grandad used to always pour a bit of his tea into his saucer to cool it down and help us sip from it as toddlers it was always 'grandads thing' please don't spoil that 'thing' for them all. The caffeine in tea once in a while, especially if you're not giving it at home is really not that bad and decaf would eliminate a lot of your feelings about it. I understand the frustration at them not doing exactly what you want but I think with the cost of childcare you'd be kicking a gift horse in the mouth over milky tea if you drill this home to them.

While the caffeine on its own is already a good enough reason to avoid (English) tea, there is a more important one, which is that tea, especially milky tea impairs iron absorption and thus leads to a significantly increased risk of anaemia. I have seen quite a few of these cases and some even needed a blood transfusion (granted these were toddlers who drank several bottles of milky tea every day)