Didn’t bring a gift for the baby

[fauxpasfriday]

Friend A met Friend B’s baby this weekend but didn’t bring a gift.

However, Friend A gave a gift at the baby shower and posted a small present on arrival.

Baby is 2 months but friends don’t live close.

Is Friend A UR?

The OP has only made two posts and she said she was A in the second one.

The only one being unreasonable here is friend B if she expects another gift when A has already given her two!

I feel sorry that she was made to feel like this

WTF? I thought Baby Showers were now THE event for mothers-to-be to milk people for gifts. They seem to have replaced Christenings, which was the event you traditionally gave gifts. You send mum flowers and/or a card after giving birth, to say Congratualtions. After that, the best present you can give is your time to assist with new baby. But you don't keep spending money on other people's bundles of joy. Other people's kids are not your financial responsibility.

If I was B I would consider anything as a bonus not an expectation.

You have been more than generous. I probably wouldn’t have sent 2nd gift on top of shower, more likely a card to congratulate them.

I would have taken something for B rather than DB (but just a little treat for them, not a huge gift).

I was thrown a surprise baby shower 10 odd years ago. After being given so many gifts I didn't expect anything from those friends once baby arrived. A couple did bring another small gift, or flowers/chocolates for me, bur absolutely not expected.

I won't bother going to B's house ever again

The voting was not clear so my vote may not reflect the question.

Obviously the friend shouldn’t have brought a gift for baby when they visited. How many gifts does CF mum want?

Would Friend B like a gift every time someone sees her baby?

She seems greedy

It’s pay per view!

😂😂😂

seems it

No a gift at the shower and one at birth is enough… you can’t take a present everytime you see the baby FGS!!
I probably would’ve taken donuts or something for A& B to share over a cuppa though 😂

Of course not, she’s given 2 gifts already, more than generous enough

1 baby = 1 gift not 3!

So friend A made the effort (and cost) to make it to the baby shower with a gift. When baby arrived, present in post as friend A not able to get to see friend B sooner. Or was giving family time. Whichever.
She's made the time, effort and cost to meet the 2 month old baby. That's the gift this time around.
Two gifts, two visits. Friend B needs to stop being grabby and wondering where the next gift is.

Friend B is a complete joke and ought to be ashamed of herself. I had a friend who when I arrived at her house shortly after the birth, I presented a gift for not only her newborn but her older two children. Instead of just saying thanks, she went out of her way to tell me that some people had got her a present too which was a bit of a cheeky hint! She said “so often the mother is forgotten so it’s nice some people got me a present ”.

I was really pissed off because the very reason I had gifts for her kids was because I was friends with the mother ie. Her. And obviously my visit was more for her benefit than the newborn ! So how I forgetting her? 😏

unfortunately some people are just very grabby and use having children as an excuse for others to pour out all their resources on them which they often won’t reciprocate.

So yeah YANBU but your friend is and I’d take a step back from her if I were you!

This is why when I hear people with kids on here saying they lost all their “childfree friends” when they had babies, as they just “didn’t understand” I wonder if there may be two sides to the stories.

Sometimes friendships can be massively one sided when one person has a child. But it doesn’t have to be like that.

I’ve retained most of my friendships with people who have had kids because for the most part they are not entitled people who expect a present for their kids each time you see them (although sometimes I chose to) and they aren’t so absorbed in their children that they stop caring about being a friend or see themselves as marvellous individuals who must be rewarded by everyone around them all the time for being mothers to their own children.

Thumbs up to Friend A. Friend B is being unreasonable. And you are being nosy

The OP is Friend A and she hasn't said anything about Friend B apart from the fact that she's had a baby and has received 2 gifts from the OP. Pointless thread really since she hasn't come back to say what if anything Friend B said.

Sorry, voted the wrong one because I didn't know that you were person A from first reading it 😅
You gave a gift at baby shower AND posted one when baby was born, and then visited to meet baby. That's generous IMO.
Depending on how close you are with friend B, next time I'd get a gift is for Christmas / Birthday.
xx

Hard to know which button to vote on here as the question is “is friend a unreasonable” but the answers are a) you are not being unreasonable and b)you are being unreasonable….. neither answer actually fits the question!

But, friend A has already been generous buying two gifts. Personally I think one gift is more than enough, so friend A has already gone above and beyond. Why on earth would friend B expect a 3rd present?! So friend B is an AH. Friend A sounds lovely. As to whether you are being unreasonable…. I can’t answer that without knowing whether you are friend A or B!

op, thanks for confirming you are friend A, the person who has already sent 2 gifts.

who on earth has made you question if you’ve given enough?! They are being unreasonable.

Jesus.

I remember someone on MN saying that it was rude to 'only' bring a gift for the newborn and not all of the siblings as well. So on the plus side, you may have been rude to mum but you met the MN standard for the kids!

@fitzwilliamdarcy oh well yeah at least I’m not rude to kids by MN standards then 😂

Its definitely not rude to only bring a gift for the newborn - it’s silly and grabby of anyone to think that.

Years later, I actually transferred £50 to the same friends child for her 13th and popped along to her party the next day to say happy birthday in person. But my friend still made comments about how adults should be texting her daughter to say happy birthday - as if the gift and party attendance wasn’t enough?! The penny finally dropped at how self absorbed and demanding she was, especially when the following year she forgot to so much as text for my birthday . I no longer buy presents for her or her kids or attend their birthday dinners.

People who demand the most often give the least!

Some of these threads are absolutely fascinating