Did/Would/Should you contribute to the cost of your engagement ring?

[ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees]

Just curious what people think?

I think it's a bit outdated to think the proposer should cover the full cost when it's a joint decision to get married.

Definitely not! When my husband asked me to marry him I would never have expected to have made a contribution to the cost of my ring!

I personally wouldn’t contribute towards a gift that someone gave to me. An engagement ring is no different to me. I’m not contributing towards it, especially as I don’t necessarily have expensive taste!

Personally, I think engagement rings are outdated. They hark back to a time when a man was laying claim to a possession.

Well, as the point of an engagement ring is essentially a down payment on your honour being ruined if he commits breach of contract and fails to marry you - leaving you as soiled goods - then it would be a bit foolish of you to put any of your own money into it.

I didn’t!
I didn’t know about it. It was a surprise.

I would contribute, yes

Also if you didn't, did you get your fiancé(e) a gift also?

And, did whether or not you earned equally or whether they earned more come into it at all?

Hmmm. My long term partner asked me this weekend if I would consider using some of the jewelry I already own to remodel into an engagement ring. I'm torn - we've been together for a decade, we're 50, the jewelry is sat in a drawer, he would pay for it to be modeled to my design. I think I'm good with that.

I would not expect to contribute to some sparkly ring at age 25. But then I think the whole idea of a ludicrously expensive ring when life itself is SO expensive is nuts so meh.

I think it's a decision between the two people buying it, but dh bought my engagement ring (we designed it together, but not hugely expensive). And I'm pretty sure I paid for both our wedding rings. So it probably evened out.

I didn’t - however now that I’m divorced, if I ever married again then the ‘engagement question’ would be more of a discussion as there’s a lot more to factor in these days like my children and the house I own etc.

As such, I would definitely suggest that I contribute.

"Did/Would/Should you contribute to the cost of your engagement ring?"

Ffs. NO

Depends on your financial situation beforehand. If you are already living together and sharing all costs, then fair enough, although I think it would mean more if he bought it himself.

if you aren't already living together or don't share all costs, then he should pay for it.

As it is, I ended up buying mine. We had been engaged for a couple of years (only because we were waiting for my sister to get her act together and get married!) but then my mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer with only weeks to live and we arranged our wedding in a month. My now DH hadn't been paid when we went to buy our wedding rings, so I bought them both plus an engagement ring (not expensive, second-hand) for myself.

"Also if you didn't, did you get your fiancé(e) a gift also?"

Why?

No I wouldn't expect to but also, I would definitely give it back if the wedding didn't go ahead.

@qpz, "FFS" and "why" don't really say much.

Can you elaborate?

He didn't propose to me - we talked together about getting married.

I wanted an engagement ring (well a ring) and he was happy to buy one for me. I know someone whose fiance bought her a piano instead. I added in money so I could get a better diamond (my mum - born 1927 - advised me to do this). We bought the diamond and designed the ring together.

Why all the questions about engagement rings today? Is someone doing an internship at a wedding magazine or something?

To answer the question, I wouldn't want to contribute to the cost of my own engagement ring, but mainly because I wouldn't actually be that bothered about having an engagement ring at all. DP bought me a ring for my 40th birthday that I wear every day, and if we got engaged (not that we're planning to, as we've managed to clock up 21 years together without bothering) I'd be happy to just keep wearing that. So I wouldn't want to spend my money towards another ring when I didn't feel like I really needed one.

No I wouldn't and didn't, it is a gift. I did buy DH a ring a couple of days later which he wore as an engagement ring and then it became his wedding ring.

We were flat broke when we got married, so I pawned some old jewellery to buy my second hand wedding ring 💍

I didn't contribute because I didn't know the proposal was coming, but on our wedding day, I bought DH a Tag Heure watch that he'd had his eye on and give it to his best man to give him when he was getting ready.

I didn't contribute to the cost but I did pick my own as I wasn't going to let him choose something I'd have to wear every day.

As it happens, I've not worn it in over 5 years now.

Was the whole point of an engagement ring so that you can sell it if you fall on hard times?

Are you comfortable wearing a £££ piece of jewellery - I wouldn't be I'd worry I'd lose it, and what's the point if it's sat in a box at home.

I'd expect that by the time you get to the engagement stage many people are pretty much sharing finances anyway. We were.
If not, I'd probably see it as a gift and not expect to contribute. But I wouldn't expect a particularly expensive ring. If i did want a particularly expensive ring then I would offer to contribute.

I would if he wasn't able to afford what I wanted, no big deal. Not sure why some on here seem so violently against it - fine if it's not what you want but doesn't seem worthy of a strong reaction.

Why should they? They're not doing an interview.

I just thought that things might have moved on from the past and that there would be a shift given that men/women now more equal.