Did/Would/Should you contribute to the cost of your engagement ring?

[ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees]

Just curious what people think?

I think it's a bit outdated to think the proposer should cover the full cost when it's a joint decision to get married.

Pretty much the same. Except the piano bit.

Yes, I would. I wouldn't have a problem with that at all. I did in fact. We already had joint finances.

Depends on your financial situation beforehand. If you are already living together and sharing all costs, then fair enough, although I think it would mean more if he bought it himself.

This.
If you are financially interlinked, then even if he "pays" in the shop, - for the majority of couples at that stage in their lives - means that he then is going to be short that month, or for a couple of months, so you are picking up other things anyway.

No but I also don't think they should be stupidly expensive either.

No I didn’t contribute but we had already started to consider money ‘our money’ so didn’t really make a difference.

I bought him a watch as an engagement present.

If it helps, my mate and her fiance bought each other matching watches instead.

With the COL crisis it seems reasonable. Why not?

Relax! I only asked because context helps understanding and I don't understand the point they were trying to make given there was so little detail but yet had a very strong response. 😀

I paid for my engagement ring - all of it. I had money my DH didn't. I would be the one wearing it, I wanted it, who paid for it was and is irrelevant. We shared all finances as soon as we were married anyway and that was 26 years ago. Since we married as all money is joint and I am still the higher earner I could say I pay for all my gifts but it is the thought that counts and the fact I paid for it doesn't change the thought process.

We were very short of money and I opted for an electric sewing machine instead. This was many years ago though. Did buy me an eternity ring when our 2nd child was born. Guess we had a bit more money then. Sewing machine was invaluable as I made all my own clothes and children’s clothes plus curtains etc.
Did have a super Platinum and diamond ring and platinum wedding ring bought after 30 years of marriage though. And I bought him a platinum wedding ring.

No. I would think poorly of any man that asked me to. I wouldn't give it back unless I broke the engagement. I chose what I wanted and it was cheap not because it had to be but but that was the ring that stood out.

My mother bought my father a ring when they got engaged in 1970. I don’t believe in marriage but if I did I would have done the same thing.

"can you elaborate?"

I've never in my life heard of anyone chipping in for their own engagement ring or having to buy the guy some present in return. I've heard it all now. What is the world coming to?

Is this what he's expecting you to do OP? If so, run for the hills, would be my advice. You don't need to even entertain such nonsense.

A lot of posts about engagement rings today. Someone doing a thesis or some kind of news story? They just seem like weird questions really. Why do you care what other people's thoughts are on any of this? An engagement ring is a gift but presumably you know this.

My engagement ring was a gift to me from my husband. I wouldn't have dreamed of contributing towards the cost any more than I contribute towards the cost of my birthday or Christmas presents. Of course, even though we have separate finances, we consider all our money to be joint money so it's kind of irrelevant.

No, the thought wouldn’t have entered my head tbh, I did get engaged about 35 years ago though, so perhaps I am out of touch.

We've been together for 9 years, we have a joint mortgage and a joint child. We discussed together getting married. We chose a ring together, and paid out of a joint account.
DP did then take the ring and propose when he wanted, but it felt very much a joint decision until that point, so it was natural it would come out of our joint bank account.

I got him a watch.

Bought my own engagement and wedding ring. I am the higher earner and our finances are family money, so why wouldn’t I?! They weren’t expensive as I fully expected to lose them quickly but have surprised myself and they are both still safely on my finger.

Absolutely not and no he doesn't get a gift, I am the gift.

If it was a decision made together then I wouldn’t be bothered about a ring. If I was being proposed to as a surprise then yes, or the surprise would be ruined! Would be shit for him to turn round after and say “by the way, you owe me £xx”!
But I’d be happy with a £20 ring as long as it was nice/my style. Would hate to find out a ring had cost thousands and we could have had a nice holiday instead.

That would be a no from me and it would be accompanied by a very hard stare!

I didn't as was a surprise, but I wouldn't have minded contributing. It wasn't an expensive ring. We split everything else 50/50, including the wedding.

I chose and paid for both of mine (initial £5 piece of costume jewellery, later proper one). I also chose and paid for my eternity ring and our wedding rings.

My bloke would have been horrified if it had been suggested that he couldn’t afford to buy me a ring.