Did/Would/Should you contribute to the cost of your engagement ring?

[ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees]

Just curious what people think?

I think it's a bit outdated to think the proposer should cover the full cost when it's a joint decision to get married.

I didn't contribute towards mine, nor did I get him a gift.

I would also prefer a piano to a ring. I much more prefer a house deposit though.

Nope. The gesture/ tradition is important. If the guy can’t afford an expensive ring, and the woman is ok with it, he can go for a cheap ring. If she’s not ok with it and must have a pricey ring, I guess she’s with the wrong person (its unlikely an expensive ring is the only expectation she’d have that is beyond his means so she’d have to compromise on a a lot and ,well, it rarely ends well).

I didn't pay for mine, but he bought it without my knowledge. We bought the wedding rings together.

It was a gift. He wanted to buy it, I don't feel bad about it. Over the course of a lifetime together it's not a big deal. He's the higher earner so if we got picky about 50:50 on everything, things wouldn't last long.

I didn’t… but I did buy my now husband a ring when we got engaged. The plan was to upgrade it when we got married but he decided he liked it and didn’t want another one when we got to that point.

Been married twice and never wanted an engagement ring.

If marriage is a 'partnership' then that means financially as well! The man paying for a ring seems a big bizarre when as a couple most split their finances.
At the time of my engagement I had a bonus so I gave my husband the money.
20 years later he is in a much better position financially and basically pays for our life! The money in the pot is 'our money' so I don't think it makes a difference who pays for a ring!

I did, not only contribute but we bought the rings with my gift money from my grandma. At that point we already had a joint account, all our money was in one pot, so it didnt matter his or mine. My DH was a very generous person anywau, it really didnt bother me.

MY grandma gifted me some money when we visited my home country. We used that money to buy rings so we didnt have to exchange currency.

Its been 13 years now and I have no regrets. DH and I still have one pot and all finance is shared with 100% transparency.

We were already living together with kids when he proposed. We went to the jewellers to pick out the ring together, it was paid for by money from our joint bank account and a bit with a credit card. I didn't see any problem with that.

I agree with what you said, I think it's a bit outdated. Nothing wrong with covering the cost together of something that represents the promise of you about to share a life together.

He paid but given that the whole point of the ring is to mark the fact that you’re about to get married and thus endow one another with all your worldly goods, it’s a technicality.

My husband proposed with a ring, it would have taken the surprise out of it if he had asked me for part payment of it. That said as soon as we were married we went to shared finances, so ultimately came from our pot anyway.

It seems to be more common now with couples being older, living together and having joint finances prior to being engaged.
Contributing is probably the wrong word, but coming out the same pot.

I was never bothered about a ring. We knew we'd be buying a house together etc sk that was our 'commitment'. Totally surprised when he proposed so we hadn't discussed paying etc. The ring is small, understated and exactly what I'd have chosen. I think you can look/choose/pay together if that's what you want to do, but the way some women act about their rings/demands I find quite distasteful.

No. As others have said, ultimately it's insurance that you can flog it if he does runner. Which is super old fashioned but there you are! Everyone thinks it won't happen to them. But statistically it happens to some of us!

It is a gift, take it as such, not EVERY tradition needs to be binned.

I bought my DH some cufflinks a few weeks later, he still wears them. So if it's about contributing, get yo man some nice bling too!

If you want a bigger ring, have a think about your motivation, I would rather have a small ring bought with love than a massive rock I knew I'd co-financed.

But no, I would not contribute to the cost of an engagement ring, I think that would just feel a bit weird!

Wedding rings, we both bought our own (but unless you have freakishly sizes fingers, his will be bigger than your and cost more)

Also if you didn't, did you get your fiancé(e) a gift also?

Yes. Me.

10 years of my life only to have to flee with nothing when he became violent and abusive because I spent too much time looking after our baby and not enough looking after him.

I didn't contribute to that ring. I still have it and will probably sell it to put towards all the things DS needs in his life. I contribute to the cost of alot of things that I did not get to keep.

I have a new partner now, I know he intends to use an heirloom ring so that would be irrelevant. I wouldn't expect an expensive ring this time though. He's provided that commitment in other ways. He contributes equally to our home and our family, his money is family money, he doesn't earn alot and spend alot on himself and hoard money for himself.

So I guess. If you want a relationship where the woman takes on modern roles and contributes equally financially. You have to take on modern roles and contribute equally practically.

If you don't come in from work and cook dinner then change your babies nappy then you need to fork out for the engagement ring if you want the honour of her in your life.

No I didn't, No I wouldn't expect to, Yes I bought him an engagement present (expensive watch).

He gifted me a diamond ring and I gifted him an expensive watch.
We didn't go halves on each others gifts and the wedding rings came out of the joint pot.

Well in my view once you are married (and arguably once you are engaged) all money should be shared anyway - so it doesn’t really matter who pays at the time as it’s coming out of what will be a joint pot.

Wedding rings, we both bought our own (but unless you have freakishly sizes fingers, his will be bigger than your and cost more)

Not necessarily, it depends on the metal, stones etc. DH has much bigger fingers than me but his ring was a cheaper than mine, 9ct gold versus 18ct gold with diamonds. I now have a platinum ring (lost the others) which was more expensive again.

I voted YABU because people shouldn’t propose/get engaged, the whole thing is a charade.

DH and I just decided to get married and did it.

Several people have said this but what about if children don't come into it? I.e. if you've decided as a couple you don't want to have them, or you're marrying later in life? What's the argument then?

Indeed!

Also my pregnancy was uneventful, birth was painless and recovery was swift. Should I get less?!!

How was my husband supposed to buy me a ring when we share all our finances? Once we bought a house together we stuck everything in the same pot.

If people want a ring bought for them, then fair enough. It wouldn’t be the life I’d choose, although my husband is amazing at buying jewellery and clothes for me at Christmas and birthdays. I really loved the day we had shopping in Hatton Garden, we chose all our rings on the same day. Then we went for a few drinks and cosy meal in Farringdon. Had such a great day, I’ll remember it forever!

No. It’s a gift.

However if the recipient of the ring is insisting on a massive diamond or whatever because they want to show off, and it costs more than the giver of the ring wanted to spend then absolutely they should contribute.

Bought it together and I suggested that.

I think he'd have been happy enough to buy it for me but this worked better for me. We have shared money and had been together for years with a house when we decided to get married.

I recently bought an expensive watch from my/our money as a belated anniversary present (told him not to get it as I was flying duty free the next month).

I was going to buy him a watch but he inherited one and likes to wear that.