Did/Would/Should you contribute to the cost of your engagement ring?

[ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees]

Just curious what people think?

I think it's a bit outdated to think the proposer should cover the full cost when it's a joint decision to get married.

No? WTAF?

I got mine a gift. We had been speaking about marriage for a while and I was happy to go ahead and start planning the wedding but he said he wanted to do a proposal with a ring. It felt odd to me that he should go to all that effort and not get anything for himself when it had been a mutual decision, and I wanted a chance to surprise him too so I bought him an engraved metal and leather bracelet (he wears bracelets a lot). I produced it from a drawer after he gave me my ring. He was very surprised and touched.

If money had been no object I would have bought him a watch.

What on Earth?????

No.

If this is the way things are going, maybe do away with engagement rings and engagements altogether.

It was only a conversation we were having earlier today.

Very surprised some people think that both people shouldn't contribute. So much for equality!!

We earn pretty much equally & assets are similar value, although different in nature.

Turns out, BF is far more traditionally than I thought. He didn't like the idea much either!

He pays now, you'll pay later...

Of course not! The person doing the proposing should pay for the ring. Unless it's not a proposal situation and more of a discussion, and the person getting the ring is choosing it themselves then maybe. It doesn't seem right to me though.

No... but it was €10 and we were both there 😂proposal was without a ring.

For full context, when we considered more expensive rings it would have been coming out of the whole wedding budget which was joint savings.

@Blossomtoes

Probably quite traditional. I had no idea chipping in for your engagement ring was now a thing. Nor did my very newly married daughter.

There are so many different circumstances. As many people have said, by the time they got engaged they finances were shared anyway.
If a bride to be wants a more expensive ring then it makes sense she contributes above what he budgeted for.

Back in the day people dated, didn't life together and the woman was 'given away' by her father. The engagement ring was a promise and secured her against being dumped. There was a little of stigma.

Today people more often then not already live together. Even have a child. Have shared finances. Who pays is often a technicality as it's all the same money

Thank you so much for teaching your grandmother how to suck eggs. Very kind.

No. But then I don't see the point of an engagement ring or engagements and would rather just focus on the wedding one. I'm not really a jewellery person and have never really worn a ring on my finger at all. For me I'd rather just save the money and use it for something else.

There's a difference between the guy expecting you to chip in and you offering to chip in. I got engaged in the 1990s and followed my mother's advice to offer to put in a bit of money and get a really good diamond. She wished someone had told her that you could do that back in the 1950s when she got engaged. She was a jeweler's daughter and appreciated good stones. I also bought him an engagement present - why wouldn't I? Mind you I got a diamond solitaire and he got Delia Smith's Complete Cookery Course.

We have joint money and always have done. I paid the initial payment as I have a credit card, but it was paid for via our joint savings.

Interesting to see the replies. Genuinely thought the man fully paying for it woukd have evolved more by now.

@BIossomtoes

Thank you so much for teaching your grandmother how to suck eggs. Very kind.
Why so hostile? Do you regularly get snippy to people?

@woahhhh is spot on with what she said.
Don't see the need to be so snippy with her.

I had no idea chipping in for your engagement ring was now a thing

Not sure about "now" - we bought it together when we got engaged over 30 years ago.

Nor did my very newly married daughter

My adult dc (just like us) were already linked by their joint finances (mortgage, bills etc) before wedding planning / engagements started. My 'DiL-to-be' has clearly stated she'd rather have more money to put to the wedding than on a particularly flashy ring, as ultimately both their salaries go to all the bills. She'd rather knock £1000 off their mortgage than wear it on her finger.

God forbid we maintain any type of tradition these days 🙄

Why have so many women become so obsessed with unnecessary forms of equality these days, when it only benefits the man further? Aren’t they privileged enough?

Until the day men go through pregnancy, childbirth and take on the lions share of childcare we’ll never be 100% equal, so take the perks like a free ring where you can.

Martyr yourself and go halves on your engagement ring if you wish, just remember you won’t get a prize from the men’s club for it if

Surely the whole concept of an engagement ring is inherently unequal? So the idea that you have to split the cost because equality is predicated on an inequitable situation.

Martyr yourself and go halves on your engagement ring if you wish, just remember you won’t get a prize from the men’s club for it

Great because the last prize I want is a prize from the men's club.

I put in money to my engagement ring because a ring was a nice thing I was getting and I wanted the best diamond. Not because I was martyring myself or getting a ring to pay for my future pregnancies and childbirths (what??? - no ring would have "paid" for what I went through and what kind of person would say it would?)

No I didn't contribute, he didn't ask me to but it didn't cost much either, it was the one I wanted and I love it.

Very surprised some people think that both people shouldn't contribute. So much for equality!!

Yeah. Both people contribute to a pregnancy as well. And then comes the labour/delivery. "So much for equality!"
We deserve ALL the diamonds for that.

I don’t actually know where my engagement ring is …shall have a look in the morning!

“What kind of a person would say it would?”

Not me, you missed my point

The sentiment of your engagement ring died when you put your own money towards it in my opinion. But it’s your life your finger it’s on, you’re still getting married the result will be the same.

I've just bought my DH a Tag Heuer watch for his early retirement gift at the end of this month. I know he'll love it.

No, it was a gift for me.

I only know 1 woman who contributed to her engagement and wedding rings. She bought her wedding dress too. She was always banging on about equality, to me she had a competitive transactional mindset when it comes to men, combined with thinking women who didnt do as she did were 'lesser'. She's too silly for words tho as every so often she phones to rant about her husband being tight. Only ever phoned me & 1 other friend but I stopped taking the calls I can't listen to all of that. Not quite sure I believe her but she once said he has a spreadsheet so everything is shared equally and exactly. Some people get what they're looking for then complain - but not to their man.

I didn't pay for my engagement ring, wouldn't even consider it. It was a lovely gift.