Did/Would/Should you contribute to the cost of your engagement ring?

[ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees]

Just curious what people think?

I think it's a bit outdated to think the proposer should cover the full cost when it's a joint decision to get married.

DP paid for my ring and I bought him one in return, a good deal for me because his ring will do double duty as a wedding ring.

As the entire point as laid out by you is now outdated and meaningless then the argument would be more in favour of sharing the cost. No soiled goods involved

I did and I also paid towards my wedding ring. I don't see that it's a big deal

Why? An explanation would be better than a simple statement.

They really are outdated now. The original reasons for them and the original position of women in society are fundamentally changed. If a woman wants something really high value i think it's rude to expect the man to buy it on their own.

I got my fiancé a ring too. That was 20 odd years ago.

Nope. Buy me one you can afford. I’m not paying for half, so it can be a stupidly expensive one.

I proposed to DH, which involved a gift - it was a painting (which meant something- called The Proposal, we were staying in the location of the picture too)
I used a very basic token ring for him
We chose my ring together, but he paid for it (& it was more than the painting!)

Are you quite old?

It's quite regular for the woman to buy the man an expensive watch. No idea why you have never heard of this.

Out of interest, who do you think should pay for the two wedding rings?

He needs to pay it all. An engagement ring is a sign that he can support you and is basically buying you. In return, you have to give him sex evedy day and make him sandwiches.

/sarcasm

Seriously though, I think it's outdated, even wedding rings, even weddings. If you love each other, that should be enough, but I understand some people want security. A simple wedding band and a registry office are enough.

I didn't contribute to cost of engagement ring, however, I bought my DH to be pair of gold cuff links. Nowadays I think the equivalent would be a nice watch

Probably quite traditional. I had no idea chipping in for your engagement ring was now a thing. Nor did my very newly married daughter.

No, I wouldn’t expect to, but I did buy DH an engagement gift with a significant value. So we’re effectively even or close to.

Expected in some social and business circles.

My OH handed over the credit card when we chose the ring, but considering we lived together with 2 babies and another one on the way, our finances were pretty much amalgamated already!

Yep went half and half.

Doesn’t make me love the ring any less or it means any less!

No, I wouldn't have been too happy to be asked to contribute. I did want him to have something picked and to have a bit of romance about it.

But an old colleague who I trained with has gone on to do financially very well for herself. Her now husband has a good job not on mega bucks. He proposed with a fake ring while away, then when they went shopping he said his budget and she upped it so she could get something bigger.

I contributed the ring to our engagement 😁. It was a family ring and he paid to have the stones re-set. We were young (in our early twenties) and it made the most sense.

I did not contribute to its cost.
But I did give it back to him when he left. I’m 52 now. It wasn’t really a thing to go joint on a ring when I was younger (or maybe I missed the memo).

If I had my way though, I’d wear no rings. I really hate wearing them. Sensory stuff. I don’t like wearing any jewellery apart from small earrings.

I bought my own. I had been quite vocal about not wanting a ring, didn't want to be marked as property blah blah blah. We had booked the wedding and my husband bought me a beautiful wedding band which I decided was not only fine to wear but also needed a companion

I paid for part of mine. Husband proposed with a placeholder as he (correctly) thought I’d like to choose it.

He suggested we go shopping together the following weekend. I went to a few shops on my lunchtimes the following week and fell in love with a ring. I knew it was what I wanted so paid a 20% deposit and got them to size it and brought him back on the weekend to pay. He didn’t realise I’d paid anything until he went to pay and offered to give me the money. But I really didn’t mind, I picked a rather expensive ring that I love and was quite happy to contribute towards.

I think each to their own!

I didn't, but in our case we pooled put money when we got married anyway, so it doesn't make any difference really.

I didn't but then I paid for his wedding ring. My ring was on sale at the time and a steal. It is now too small (still beautiful) and I'm getting an upgrade for our 10th anniversary later this year. We went together to go choose it.

I would think by the time you are getting married most couples sort of view finances as kind of shared in any case? - and after the actual marriage it generally is. Even if you aren’t actually merging joint accounts, you’ll be working towards shared goals.

Let’s say the ring is 5k. That’s 5k you less have between you for a deposit for a (shared) house or 5k less for your next (family) car or simply 5k less for your next (couples) holiday.

Personally, I think engagement rings are outdated. They hark back to a time when a man was laying claim to a possession
I thought they were outdated 35 years ago tbh when DH and I 'got serious' as we used to call it!
Same with wedding rings, father's giving daughters away and big weddings! ( I had none of these!)