Four children 1-14 years sharing room

[Parques]

AIBU to think it's ridiculous and irresponsible that 4 children (same sex - male) aged from 1-14 are sharing a bedroom? There is a fifth child - a girl - who has her own room. There are no funds to extend/loft conversion etc. The children were all planned. No multiple births.

YANBU. Selfish of the parents. Poor 14 year old.

😂

I honestly cannot fathom why anyone would choose to have 5 children in the 21st century.

4 boys aged 1 - 14 in an average sized room is borderline cruel imo, particularly on the teen.

I had to share with 2 sisters, one 6 years younger and one 10 years younger. Brother had the tiny box room. I would have loved my own bedroom but it wasn't possible.
We just accepted life and got on with it.
Something many people seem to be unable to do nowadays.
It's called resilience

I shared a room with three sisters until I was 13. We would have been 18,13,11 and 7. Two sets of bunkbeds didn't seem to be an issue. Homework was done at the dining table. My two brothers shared the other room. I think siblings sharing was really common and has only become less common as families have got smaller.

I’m sorry but that set up sounds so bloody awful to live in. I know you know no different. I don’t understand parents having more and more children, thus reducing the tiny space the existing kids already have. It seems so….selfish?

Voting not enabled and OP only replying to those who share the same view… Why post in AIBU? Getting tired of people who just come here to bash others

My DH is one of seven children. The five boys shared a room and there were 17 years between the oldest and the youngest. As they left home for uni/work/marriage, the numbers sharing decreased accordingly. I don't think it was ideal but no one suffered any long term effects and they remain a close family.

@Ihearyousingingdownthewire well I’m mid fifties and it wasn’t unusual and tbh I never questioned it. We had a lovely childhood and didn’t feel at all deprived. There was always plenty of love, good food, nice clothes, we had music and riding lessons, went on holiday every year. The only friends I knew had their own room were only children tbh. My friend had a two bed terrace that housed her parents a set of grandparents, herself and her twin siblings B/G. Our 3 bed semi was massive in comparison.

No family "needs" any children. If you decide to only have one or two children, because that is your ideal number, is that more or less selfish than having 5 when you really want 7?

Less selfish, quite obviously. Having the children you can afford allows you to have a family and also look after your children's needs.

People are entitled to have children as a human right. Doesn't mean you should dismiss their well-being and chirp on about how it's fine cos others have it worse.

My gosh some very nasty comments on here.. l grew up with loads of large families.. we all shared..
My friend shared with her sister and her four brothers in another bedroom .. 3 sets of bunk beds.
I have four sisters.. two in one room 3 in another .
If the kids are happy.. it's fine.

At secondary school, I used to stay after school at the library to study. I wasn’t the only one. I actually made some friends via this, a few of us would be there on a regular basis!
Do secondary schools not keep their libraries open after school hours any more?
Regular libraries are also a great place to study, computers, WIFI if you have your own laptop etc.

As long as they’re loved, fed etc, I don’t see an issue. My grandmother used to share a bed with her sisters and they were all very close even as old ladies! I really don’t think there’s anything wrong with this set up at all.

I don't understand why the parents don't sleep downstairs? Loads of parents do that. Then it is only 2 max sharing.

I actually wonder if it was more bearable because kids moved out earlier. Dh is in his fifties...he left home at 17. Kids nowadays are living at home for much longer now. The eldest in the family we're discussing is 14. If it were the old days, he'd be gone in 3/4 years and there would only be three sharing.. then the next would move out and the living situation would probably get easier very quickly. Chances are though the eldest is going to living at home for at least another decade.

My DD's school has the library open before and after school and at lunchtime. They also have a Learning support centre for the DC with SEN.

Meh, it's not the end of the world. A quiet place to study in the house would make all the difference though.

Persumably they are happy with the arrangement since they planned it and are living with it, so I really don't see the problem.

Presumably the parents are happy.
Is the 14 year old?

I just remember what DD was like at that age and there were times where she needed to be on her own.

@MamaSnaill I think a lot of Secondary school libraries do stay open for an hour or so for children to do their homework.
I was the type who actually couldn't concentrate in a quiet environment and listened to the radio/cds when I did mine. I vaguely remember a study being done that found listening to music when doing homework often was beneficial.
(Although I was terrible for doing homework in general - I've never been diagnosed but looking back I think I have adhd in one form or another - that's another story 🙂)
You don't always need quiet to study (also when did "doing homework" become "studying" 🤔).
Kids downstairs playing. Older kids upstairs with either music on (or noise cancelling headphones if they prefer quiet) doing their homework.
A perfectly normal family environment that 1000s of families are like.

so your preferred alternative is that the 3 younger siblings shouldn’t be alive at all?

General concern? Wondering if others agree?

I think sharing with one sibling is fine if the room is a double but 3+ in a room is really suboptimal - cramped, claustrophobic and stressful.

@RampantIvy but people can't decide not to have more children just incase their eldest might not like it when they are older.
Some children love being only children.
Some hate it.
Some like having siblings.
Some hate it.
The 14 year old in this scenario might absolutely adore his baby brother and doesn't find him being in a cot in the bedroom an issue.
We don't know.....the OP hasn't come back for a while.
🤷

One of 8 here. But we did have an 8 bed house. So only two had to share at a time but we all chose to share so most of the rooms were free lol.

Not for you maybe

Who are you in this scenario and why do you think it's your place to judge them?

No one actually wants the current children to disappear....but planning your family based on what you can manage is a sensible idea. I assume it's a three bed house therefore they could have had two children and a much more comfortable living situation. This is what most people do. I have two children and they have a room each. I'm not more privileged than the family we're discussing...I've made different choices. I could theoretically have another child...I don't because I can't manage another. That doesn't mean I'm wishing that theoretical child ill will.