Four children 1-14 years sharing room

[Parques]

AIBU to think it's ridiculous and irresponsible that 4 children (same sex - male) aged from 1-14 are sharing a bedroom? There is a fifth child - a girl - who has her own room. There are no funds to extend/loft conversion etc. The children were all planned. No multiple births.

It's fine. Why are you bothered. Are you the 14 year old?

You don't know the circumstances so you can't judge till you do.

I never understand this argument. 50% of threads on here aren't the business of the OP, but does that mean we can't discuss?

In the old days they would have 4 and 5 children in a bed never mind a bedroom.

I cannot get my head around the fact the couple decided to have 5 children in a totally inadequate environment.

Obviously!

But is this really the worst thing a parent can do to their child? Think about

• parents who work all the hours god sends with kids in after school clubs every day;
• parents who send kids to boarding school;
• parents who can’t afford a house at all and end up with black mould, in temporary accommodation or being moved every 6 months to a different school.

Some of these are choices which parents make thinking they are best for their kids but other parents disagree.

Then you have parents who get ill unexpectedly or a manageable condition gets worse and the kids become carers.

Then there are parents who drink, take drugs, drive dangerously or have mental health problems which they can’t/ won’t get treated.

Personally I think that the 4 kids sharing a room might be better off than many of the above.

It sounds like the parents need a new hobby. It sounds almost like animal hoarding, but with children.

I would hate to live in a place where there is no space to bring a friend back to play. The teens shouldn't have to feel like they are being forced out of the house if they want to see friends or study and only be home for tea and bed.

It is not ideal, but also not irresponsible and ridiculous.

Many people grew up like this and the way things are going, many will again. Needing your own bedroom is a relatively new thing.

Are the children’s NEEDS being satisfied? Are they loved and feel safe in their environment? Is the room tidy or does it look like a war zone due to lack of space? Is there a dining area where the teenager can do his homework/study? What’s the relationship like among the children? These are far more important factors than separate rooms.

Agree.

How old is the girl?

Is her room tiny so can't fit any more beds? As I find it strange they are strictly segregated by sex even though the youngest is only 1. Mine were still sleeping in bed with me at that age anyway!

My DS and DD shared until DS was 14. They were offered separate rooms when DS was 12 but wanted to stay sharing.

It's not ideal, but I really don't see a problem if they children are the same sex. my mum was one of five (four girls and one boy) who shared a room, and a bed, as a child because there were only two bedrooms. I saw her childhood home, and it was tiny, but they were a very very happy family.

@RampantIvy the little children can play in the living room if their older siblings are doing homework in the bedroom (or vice versa with the homework being done downstairs and playing upstairs).
Not that complicated.

That's a lot to share in a small house. I don't think it's ideal but it's workable. I'm an ex boarder and shared a room with three others, so the idea doesn't phase me at all. I also had to share a room with my sister for some years even at the point where we had three spare bedrooms.

If the younger children play in the sitting room for a period so the eldest can study in the bedroom, or vice versa I mean. Just a quiet space.

I know a family like this. Yes they're poor but they're a very loving family. I did feel sorry for the boys sharing a room as teenagers. I think they were desperate for their own space and privacy.

Persumably they are happy with the arrangement since they planned it and are living with it, so I really don't see the problem.

I also don't really see how we are supposed to have much opinion on people we don't know, children who's personalities/wants/individual needs we have no idea of, and a house none of us have seen. The room could be the size of a ballroom for all we know.

I'd have the toddler in the parents' room and maybe a boy with the girl if they are both under 10. Depends on the size of the third bedroom though, could be a boxroom. The eldest ought to have his own room by 16.

I think the 14 year old needs privacy. And the kids are only going to get bigger. Irresponsible to have that many kids if you can't give them adequate space - it's very easy to avoid pregnancy.

I’m surprised the baby isn’t still with the parents. If they sleep through then it’s no trouble to have them with you, but if they don’t then it’s really not fair on the other children.
What are the middle two ages OP?

Our 3yo has just gone into her own room from sharing with us. Eldest (16) has his own room and middle two (10&12) share. There was definite guilt knowing that we were having another child at the same time as adding an extra bedroom, despite the closeness in age but we do have two sitting rooms and are planning either a loft conversion or garden office (the latter being much cheaper) for as they grow up.

Without that second sitting room (done at the same time as bedroom addition) it wasn’t an option to have our youngest.

I always wanted a big family, but you have to have your existing children’s best interests first and foremost. My youngest is my partner’s only and I’m glad we could make it work bit if it would have impeded the others at all we would have done it. Are they a blended family?

I was one of four children. Three bed house, one boy in his own room and three girls sharing. I absolutely hated it, no privacy, no room. My parents didn’t have enough money to move because they had so many kids to support. Absolutely irresponsible. I decided I’d never do that to my own children.

I grew up in similar circumstances.

I despised it and moved out as soon as possible.

I think my issue with any of this logic is that, as house prices increase, are people saying that only people who are affluent enough, should even consider having children?

The issue that children NEED to have their own rooms or NEED space to study / have friends around / need to have x amount of extra curricular activities or some how they are being neglected is one that I don't get.

It's not ideal but I think it's better than a lot of other scenarios including ones where parents can afford those things but emotionally aren't available because they are perhaps too busy with work.

This is about what parents choose to prioritise, NOT about what the children NEED.

Children NEED food, shelter, school needs met and a loving and supportive family.

None of these things are materialistic.

I think it says a lot that there are many on this thread who ONLY see value in those materialistic things.

There's definitely a marked decline in birth rates because of this though and that will have long term social consequences too.

Well, as it seems extraordinarily common on Mumsnet to get pregnant by accident, I'm not sure what anyone could do about it.....

I shared a bedroom growing up and hated it. All those justifying the parents' unreasonable choice to have so many children - just why?

Things have changed since we were children. The pressures to do well at school and pass GCSEs and A levels have increased so much. I can't imagine trying to do GCSE revision and homework when you have loads of younger siblings running riot.

And before anyone says "just go to the library" not everyone lives near a library or near one that is open beyond 5pm. Our libraries don't open every day either.

I realise that how many children other people choose to have is none of my business, but do I judge people who have large families without any thought about the logistics? Hell yes.

Growing up, i shared a room with four of us girls (80s) we lived in a 3 bed house. 3 boys in the other room and mum and dad in the other room. Its all they could afford to buy.

It's far from ideal but the five children are here now 🤷