Four children 1-14 years sharing room

[Parques]

AIBU to think it's ridiculous and irresponsible that 4 children (same sex - male) aged from 1-14 are sharing a bedroom? There is a fifth child - a girl - who has her own room. There are no funds to extend/loft conversion etc. The children were all planned. No multiple births.

As others have said, it’s not ideal, but used to be the norm not that long ago. I wouldn’t call it neglect. Could be a blended family, unexpected twins, contraception failure. Maybe they have religious reasons for not believing in abortion or even contraception. If you’re an observant Catholic or Orthodox Jewish this is normal. No point in judging.

Are your DC friends with theirs? If so can you help by inviting the siblings who are friends with your DC round for dinner? Maybe suggest they come round every week to do some homework in a quiet room with your DC?

This does seem hard on the teenager!
Unless I've skimmed too fast we don't have the other children's ages but if the girl is under 10 she can share with any other under 10s and indeed she can definitely share with the baby once he's 2 (could be with parents now) until the oldest leaves home - though if she's 13 this is also way less than ideal for her.
Is there an option for the two oldest boys to have a bedroom downstairs till the oldest leaves home?

Yes, not really relevant to this OP but I'm a bit baffled by this when I see it on mumsnet too. We all had our own bedrooms growing up but none of us had desks. Homework and studying was done at the kitchen table.

Thinking back to all my friends' bedrooms, ranging from very working class to very middle class, no one had desks in their bedrooms.

But yes four children in one room does sound less than ideal.

Probably half this country grew up in similar circumstances OP.

60 years ago people didn't have showers, maybe it was fine when everyone was the same, but it's not 'fine' now. Like, at all.

I grew up with six siblings, we had all sorts of bizarre sleeping arrangements including all seven of us in one room at one point.

We all survived! It's not ideal but there are worse things.

Not ideal by a long shot but you seem really over invested and venomous about it @Parques

Why are you so bothered? and what can you do about it?

It’s unfair on the children - OP has made clear that this isn’t a case of multiples or waiting for social housing. A 14 year old shouldn’t be sharing with a baby, a 14 year old ideally shouldn’t be sharing with anyone - teenagers need privacy.

What the fuck does it have to do with you OP?!

My neighbour told me about her husband who grew up in a family of 16 children in a two bedroom house. Many years ago, but people have always managed and found a way.

This.

Who are you in this scenario? Obviously not the couple, presumably none of the children.

So why is it anything to do with you?

I don't understand why everyone is saying it's nothing to do with the op. I have opinions on loads of stuff which is none of my business! I don't express it to the people involved but I can't help thinking

I’d think they were twats doing that to the poor boys.

I had a 2 , 4 and 12 year old sharing a room for a couple of years until older ds moved out . It wasn't an issue

I am one of 7 and shared a room with my 3 sisters until I was 19.. I hated it.. I never had privacy or any kind of personal space. The house was chaotic. I wouldn't judge those who have large families but at least put a bit of thought into how the children will feel. Not just keep having kids because you want to.

You married your brother???!!! 😮

Yeah right

@thepastinsidethepresent
"I'd have hated that growing up. Kids' need for a space of their own grows as they do. I think don't have 5 kids if you can't afford adequate bedroom arrangements."
But maybe their circumstances have changed.
Maybe they were once well-off, and have lost a business, been made redundant; had to pay for some unexpected expenses requiring a downsize...
That said, if I were one of the parents, I would try to find some private space for the 14 year old, who will be studying for exams in the next few years.

I’ve just been re watching the 16 kids and counting episodes….one family had their 2 youngest sleeping at the foot of their bed until the age of 11 and 9 respectively when their older son moved out. Surprise surprise their son had got a girl pregnant and 1 of their own daughters was pregnant at the age of 20. Some of these larger families seem to have no wish to support their kids educational achievements.

If it’s a happy home and they are good parents then I think your judgement is unnecessary. More room would be better but it doesn’t sound terrible. I had my own room as a child and often felt scared of the dark at night or scared about something under the bed or some mildly spooky kids program I had watched. I would have found it wonderfully comforting to have had siblings in my room. I only had one sibling and they were much older, it was pretty lonely.

Tbh though if this was my family I would definitely have the 1 year old in mine and DH’s bedroom, I can’t fathom why they would put him in with his brothers at such an early age. Does seem a little selfish and odd in reflection.

No family "needs" any children. If you decide to only have one or two children, because that is your ideal number, is that more or less selfish than having 5 when you really want 7?

It's not ideal. It seems there is no choice however and that the children will have to live with the choices their parents have made, as we all do.

The fact that the only girl has a room of their own will cause resentment. If the parents kept going until they had a girl then this will be even worse.

I realise the house may be busier than most but I don't understand all this outrage on behalf of the 'poor' children. Lots of us shared bedrooms growing up but it's rarely (if ever) blamed for our unhappiness or failures in adult life. My sister and I did our homework in our shared bedroom, at the same time. We didn't study or take exams in isolation at school - the important thing was to have space and quiet.

I'm sure, that as plenty of people will say, that of course there will be plenty of children in far worse situations (there are) and that it didn't do them any harm, who needs a space to study etc.

However, is it the optimum arrangement for children? No of course not. If it happened due to circumstance, ie family fell on hard times then obviously making do and a roof over your head is the most important thing.

But if the parents have a choice and chose to have 4 children sharing 1 room then I think that's a very poor decision. Sleep must be affected and there's little chance for privacy or space to be alone, study in private and generally be a boy in private.

Unfair and selfish choice.

My DH's four sisters all shared one room whilst as the only boy, he got a room to himself. They all did ok.