Four children 1-14 years sharing room

[Parques]

AIBU to think it's ridiculous and irresponsible that 4 children (same sex - male) aged from 1-14 are sharing a bedroom? There is a fifth child - a girl - who has her own room. There are no funds to extend/loft conversion etc. The children were all planned. No multiple births.

My dad grew up in this situation. He hated it. Small 3 bed terraced house. Two eldest boys left to join the armed forces in their teens to escape. That took the pressure off and the younger boys didn’t need to rush to leave.

It's not obvious why the girl gets a room on her own.

I had twins and they shared a room when very young and asked to keep sharing up until they were about 10. We did have space for them to have a bedroom each.

I don't see why it's 4 in one room and 1 in the other.

This is hilarious 🤣

What exactly do they have less of?

Less material items? Less privacy?
You don’t need a room to yourself to have privacy. We can all find time and spaces for solitude. Material items are a plague on this planet.

You know what they don’t have less of - a family, people who love them and care for them.
If their parents pass before they do are they alone in the world or left with one sibling, or do they still have a family to find solace with.

In reality we can steal ourselves away from others whenever we want to find alone time.. you can’t magic away your loneliness or solitude.

@Weightlosssideeffect

Yes, all of those things.

I wouldn't wish cramped conditions with no privacy on my kids.

They have siblings, they don't need more siblings. And there's never any guarantee they'll get on anyway!!

You mean that you wouldn’t want to.

this family clearly did want to

So if your circumstances changed and you had one less bedroom would you wish your youngest hadn’t been born for the sake of your older children?

@Weightlosssideeffect I wouldn't have ever chosen to have 5 kids in the first place. Especially if I couldn't house them adequately.

The parents wanted to, the kids didn't get a choice.

I'm from a big family and hated it. Left home as soon as I could and none of us are close at all.

@Emptyheadlock

Exactly - the choices made in situations like these are only ever for the parents benefit, not the child's (however much the parents try to justify as being for the sake of the children).

Have 5 kids if you want to. But don't make choices that will almost certainly negatively impact them in some way.

You’re right. The kids don’t get a choice. But they’re alive and have unlimited choices in their life.

You hated it. Fine. But if your parents had a smaller family there’s no guarantee you wouldn’t have still hated it, and if you’re a younger sibling you wouldn’t even be here today 🤷🏻‍♀️

Also you’re not close with your family now - doesn’t mean you can’t be in the future

Two might not get along. I didn't, and still struggle to get along with one close in age sibling. The ones that come after may be a blessing. The only way to avoid any sibling issues is not to have any at all. Still no guarantee a child will be happy as a only.

Exactly. My youngest sibling is my best friend, she has only added to my life, not taken away anything.

I cannot get my head around the fact the couple decided to have 5 children in a totally inadequate environment.

Whether you can get your head around it or not it’s really none of your business.

It’s certainly far from ideal but what you hope to achieve by slating this family on MN I have no idea.

In my case, I got a room to myself and my four (younger) brothers all shared one bigger room. They were all very cramped, but my bedroom was only 35 sq.ft., and they'd have been even more cramped in with me.

Tbh my MIL had 3 children in a 1 bed flat. She bought the flat in 1989, dh born next year and then two sisters. Youngest was 7 months when they finally moved to a 3 bed terraced (where they had the fourth child two years later, one of the reception rooms also became a bedroom where the oldest sister stayed and which was also the room dh and i stayed in while saving to buy our flat) . Dh was 5.5 years old and sisters were 3.5 years old and 7 months. But they had at least the first two when there probably was no prospect of them moving out.

Maybe they planned to move out but it didn't work out.

The girl is Year 7, so 11

Official recommendation is same sex after 10. I'm not clear if this is the older of the two but an 11 year old girl and a baby boy would not be an issue though neither a 15 year old girl nor an 18 year old boy would be pleased to share a room with a 5 year old boy.
How old are the other boys?

It wasn't an issue for the dc either 🙄🙄

I grew up sharing a room with my 2 siblings. It was fun.

@Nospecialcharactersplease Yes , so many sacrifices for something totally not of our choice.

I know a woman over here in Japan with eight children in a three bedroom house. She had two sets of bunk beds in two bedrooms. They are all grown up now and seem perfectly well adjusted, though it’s probably not ideal or easy.

You are not "alone in the world" if your parents pass before you do. So ridiculously dramatic.

I don't think it is statutory overcrowding. Any living rooms count as 'sleeping accommodation' which presumably they have at least 1.

This is starting to sound like the 4 Yorkshire men sketch.

Bunk beds? Eeeh, luxury that were. Me and me 9 brothers all slept in a bottom drawer with one blanket between us......