Four children 1-14 years sharing room

[Parques]

AIBU to think it's ridiculous and irresponsible that 4 children (same sex - male) aged from 1-14 are sharing a bedroom? There is a fifth child - a girl - who has her own room. There are no funds to extend/loft conversion etc. The children were all planned. No multiple births.

You shared a room but sounds like the house was huge...so presumably you could get peace and quiet when you wanted it.

So the twist is the op has 5 kids and 4 share. Do you still think it's acceptable now?

I'm joking but I'm sure if it was the other way round you would still be putting that boot in.

It's toxic on here. How is this situation "normal?"

Sharing a bedroom with ONE sibling 5 years younger / older is totally different to sharing a bedroom with THREE siblings with up to a 14 year gap.

Don't be silly, up until fairly recently this was entirely normal, both my parents are one of 5 and they all had to share rooms in 2/3 bed houses. My FIL is one of 7 and shared a room with 3 of his brothers until he was 20. Your own room as a child is nice but not a right FFS.

This was my set up too and I absolutely hated it. So many sacrifices each of us made - no sleepovers, no extra curriculars, moving out really young, being leant on to look after the younger ones etc. And the noise! And the squabbling!

I am yet to start my family mid thirties because frankly I’m still haunted by it all. But I can tell you now any I do have won’t be sharing rooms.

I'm sure you're right. But I don't know any of them.

In fact everybody I know without exception appears to view their siblings as a source of support if not companionship.

I don't get along well with one sibling, but few people would say don't have more than one child in case they don't get along.

And I don't know any miserable only children either. Seems weird to me.

Yes, sure. But no one needs to be having 5 kids and making 4 of them share a room. Even 2 sharing a room isn't bad.

I don't see why the age gap matters. I'd have chosen to share with my youngest sibling with an 11 year gap if she had been triplets, over my close in age sibling.

Maybe you just haven't asked around enough? I hated being an only child and I made sure that I had more than one.

It does?

People can and do have different experiences in this world. I know only one only child of my generation. It wasn't the norm in the nineties within my area.
Similarly it seems usual for those with siblings to have mutually supportive, even if geographically distant relationships with them. Particularly when parents are in poor health/pass away.

I don't think the number in itself is an issue, or the age gap.

I know a local family who have 5 sons in a 2 bedroom house. They’re going to keep going until they get a girl. No plans to move house. It’s awful

YOU might not, but the children might.

Half the people saying this is normal are probably parents who've switched it up to say they were the child in the situation. Or just crabs in a bucket who think that because they lived in overcrowding, it's no issue.

The "my parents divorced/were emotionally distant/slapped me occasionally /never let me out/didn't let me have friends round/bathed us weekly/didn't have central heating etc and I turned out fine" line.

Yeah, I do find it weird. I never get the concept of missing what you never had. I know different people feel different things, but you seem to be projecting your own feelings onto the situation.

See, this is what I don't get.

You "made sure" you had more than one because you assumed that your children would feel the same as you.

Personally I love having a sibling...I wish I had more...but I don't think I'd have enjoyed the set up the ops describing.

And the irony here is you had a miserable experience growing up so you didn't want your children to have the same, but people on this thread say it's fine to shove 4 kids in a room together because "they'll cope" and "who cares" if they don't like it. Bizarre.

With respect, as do you.

I don't miss siblings I never had. I agree that you can't miss what you haven't experienced.

I have never liked being an only child. I found it very hard when I lost my father very suddenly and at a young age.

I have been envious of friends' sibling relationships as they seem so supportive of each other during life's hardships and celebrate and are proud of each other's successes in a way in which friends don't seem to be able to be, through no fault of the friendship. Simply a lack of family ties, shared memories and investment in each other's lives and ongoing well being.

Not at all. I think people with siblings can be incredibly happy with their set ups, as can only children. But you'll never convince me that a teenager enjoys sharing a room with 3 other siblings including a baby and that it's all "happy families".

Conversely it's absolutely fine to have less children if you disliked sharing a room?

Because that decision would also be predicated on the very same assumption.

So I'm unsure what exactly you are struggling to understand.

Again, with respect that hasn't been the point of my conversation with you.

You are labouring under a misapprehension if you think that it has and I suggest you go back and read from the point at which we began to communicate on this thread.

So, no siblings, just in case? You could have one sibling and fight like cat and dog. You could have six and get along.

Where did I say no siblings? I said FOUR siblings from ages 14 to 1 sharing a room is awful.

If you have enough rooms to have 6 kids, have 6 kids. But forcing 4 to share will never be OK.