Dh just called me a fat fuck

[Onlybbtolookforwardto]

He was stood a bit away and looking at me in such an awful way and mouthed it as Dd was in the room, he’ll likely deny he said it.
This was because I’m ill at the moment and he took Dd to the park, he didn’t offer this and seemed moody about this too.
They were gone a good few hours and when they arrived back, he stormed in and Dd looked sad and cuddled me. I asked what was wrong and Dh launched into a tirade about how Dd went on a bouncy castle and wouldn’t get off and asked for a toy and when Dh said no, she started shouting how he was a bad daddy etc etc (she’s going through a stage of saying this to us, me too when angry or saying we’re not coming to her party) He was really angry and looking at me and gesturing and saying ‘She can’t act like this!’ Obviously waiting for me to step in and tell her off too. I would have if he’d just give me a second/calm down and bearing in mind I don’t feel well either. He then said he was exhausted…after 4 hours at a park (nothing to do with being at his friends until 1.30 am)
I said ‘Why are you so angry?’
He went to walk out of the back patio and said the above, with a nasty look on his face.

There would be no going back for me if I was sure he said it. Even fuck off is too much from father of child.
It's not like she was really naughty. I would worry how angry he's going to be when she does something really naughty tbh. Sounds like she's picking up negative terms and attitude from around her.
30 odd years ago when I realised my ex's behaviour was affecting my child negatively, I left.

I can't believe that OP is coming to MN needing support for a disrespectful, poorly parenting OH and other posters are trying to excuse him on the basis that he MAY have used some form of fuck related insult other than fat fuck.

Male-identified gaslighting.

OP, you're worth more than this and so is your DD.

OP I am so sorry your thread is being derailed by some bizarre and irrelevant debate around thanking your husband. As for whoever called your child spoilt for playing up in a way that almost every 5 year does sometimes, they should be ashamed of themselves.

I hope you're also seeing the supportive messages here and that you understand that you and your daughter deserve better than an angry, abusive manchild.

@Pinkdaffodils900 Thank you 🙏
I feel so low today and like I can barely function but have to take Dd to school, work etc

He shouldn't have called you a fat fuck.
4 hours at the park is too long.
Your daughter does sound a bit bratty and i think you should have backed him up a bit.

Unless you are suggesting that he wasn't angry, you have completely misunderstood my post. Oh, were you there too? That living room must have been packed.

Do you have a friend nearby who you can talk to and get some support from today? Anyone who might pick up DD from school for you and give her some tea while you get better? Sounds as though you need some TLC and DH is being an @-rse.

So your husband and child come home, your child is distressed and your husband is visibly angry with a raised voice and saying things to you, in front of your 5 year old, like 'she can't act like this' and your response is she should have backed him up and the 5 year old sounds bratty? Wow.

OP i hope you feel much better soon and find the strength to loose that man form not only your life but your Daughters life too, please do not let her grow up thinking it is ok for me to behave the way he did yesterday. Ever time she see's him acting like that it is showing her that this is acceptable behaviour.

My ex said this to me once. I lost 4 stone and dumped him.

Not exactly that, but it sounds like a recipe for disaster. Why did he take the child to the park for 4 hours. That is stupidly long and an endurance test in itself. The child should have been sent off to watch tv or something so they could discuss it like adults. Calling the Op a fat fuck is unforgivable. It all sounds a bit dysfunctional tbh. Like the dad is so used to not parenting and the OP too worn out.

TYPO: OPs DH’s behaviour was unjustified 🤦🏽‍♀️

explains some of the pushback I got…

Further to my last message OP, I think you may have misunderstood me, as you said in your first post 'Obviously waiting for me to step in and tell her off too. I would have if he’d just give me a second/calm down and bearing in mind I don’t feel well either.' This made it sound like you too would have told her off if he'd given you a moment to gather yourself, which to me would have been totally over the top. So are you saying you would have told her off too, or you wouldn't have?

Your husband doesn’t respect you and sees parenting his own child as a favour to you.

Your daughter is only 5 and is learning how to control her temper.

What's his fucking excuse?

Children copy the behaviour they see, so it's no wonder she tantrums when her own father acts like the tantrum king.

She's a normal 5 year old, but your husband is a poor specimen of a man.

Very true but his behaviour shows you that he himself has not progressed beyond the level of a child i.e no impulse control.
He is a primitive proto-hominid.

Agreed. He's had it too good for too long.

You have abysmally low standards.

What am I reading, she’s five. 😱

OP, take some time to heal emotionally. And then please give some serious thoughts to planning how to leave. I’m nearly 40 and have spent the last decade in counselling having grown up around an abusive parent. I have everything going for me but I am just too broken inside to not feel like I am forever dragging a massive lead weight around. Please try to give your daughter freedom from that as her future.

@Illstartexercisingtomorrow So sorry
Was it to you? Dh wouldn’t be abusive to Dd

But he was yesterday?

@Freakinfraser To Dd? In what way?

Oh OP. He told off your tiny child so much she came home frightened, clinging to you and saying he is a bad daddy. He then continued his 'tirade' trying to persuade you to join in with making her feel sad and scared.

Can you not see that's emotionally (and probably verbally) abuse directed towards her?

Do you really not see it?
Really?
He was highly abusive to her. And to you.
Abusing the mother is also abusing the child.
Even if he never opened his mouth to her , when he abuses u , he abuses her.
Except he does directly abuse her.
His behaviour to her is appalling.