Dh just called me a fat fuck

[Onlybbtolookforwardto]

He was stood a bit away and looking at me in such an awful way and mouthed it as Dd was in the room, he’ll likely deny he said it.
This was because I’m ill at the moment and he took Dd to the park, he didn’t offer this and seemed moody about this too.
They were gone a good few hours and when they arrived back, he stormed in and Dd looked sad and cuddled me. I asked what was wrong and Dh launched into a tirade about how Dd went on a bouncy castle and wouldn’t get off and asked for a toy and when Dh said no, she started shouting how he was a bad daddy etc etc (she’s going through a stage of saying this to us, me too when angry or saying we’re not coming to her party) He was really angry and looking at me and gesturing and saying ‘She can’t act like this!’ Obviously waiting for me to step in and tell her off too. I would have if he’d just give me a second/calm down and bearing in mind I don’t feel well either. He then said he was exhausted…after 4 hours at a park (nothing to do with being at his friends until 1.30 am)
I said ‘Why are you so angry?’
He went to walk out of the back patio and said the above, with a nasty look on his face.

Must be for sure.

Sorry but your DH is an arsehole.

Wow!

My dad used to say vile things to my mother right in front of me, because he thought I was too little to understand.
He was right - I didn’t understand.
But little girls grow up and they have long memories. And I remember it all.
Protect your daughter from this, @Onlybbtolookforwardto- please.

Just here to say that you’ve started this thread and still referred to him as ‘D’H. There is nothing ‘dear’ about this man.

@DreamTheMoors So sorry
How old were you? If you didn’t understand, how do you remember it as being bad, if that makes sense? How did it affect you?
What was your relationship like with them, sorry if you don’t want to answer any of these questions

Hahahaha thank you sir for taking your daughter out lol

Not good at all.

At a stress free time today, expect an apology.
And you should acknowledge that it is not all fun looking after DD for four hours, and thank him.

Calmly discuss how, if one of you is sick, there is an extra reason for the other one to be well rested and calm because kids are stressful and relentless hardwork, especially when coping alone.
Discuss the fact that DD is a child behaving like a child and parents have to mind their temper and be in kind control.

Should you be discussing sleep deprivation?
Should you be planning for any on going chronic illness?

Things tothink about ...
Is there substance abuse?
Is there a need for anger management?
Does DP want to be a parent, in a relationship?

A child knows if their mother is being treated badly, or if their mother is sad.

It’s a general feeling of having to always be careful not to do or say anything wrong that’ll make your dad angry. Always knowing to check what you say before you say it.

Knowing that you are not the most important thing in his life, and even if he does love you he doesn’t make you feel good.

Accepting poor treatment in adult relationships as a result. Shattered self esteem.

He's not happy and when are not happy this is when they cheat. This isnt your problem it's his.
I know it's easy for us to say leave him but this is the start of a downfall, that's a vile thing to say to a partner angry or not.
Just consider your options

Bloody hell can we please raise our standards!? Why has this become a debate about whether or not the OP should have said thank you? This man has come home ranting and raving about the typical behaviour of a small child that he should have been able to deal with in the moment rather than bring home, and then he has insulted his wife.

Life is too short and too precious OP, please don't tolerate this behaviour. Your little girl deserves better too, you don't want her growing up walking on eggshells.

I'd tell him tomorrow when you awake and he is getting dressed, that he looks like a 'fat fuck' and he'd want to shape up to ship out. Take it from there and get rid.

I'm going to assume that you are not a lip-reading expert. Also, on the balance of probabilities, saying 'for fuck sake' under your breath near someone is more likely than 'fat fuck', especially your wife. If you mouth both phrases yourself, you will see they look similar. I wouldn't demonise your husband just yet, as hating him for a phrase he hasn't said will cause resentment for sure. Possibly you thought he mouthed 'fat fuck' because your are aware of your own weight gain?

Why should she thank him for just being a parent? I can’t imagine her thanks her.

OP can I ask how old your child is, as from what you've said they sound like they're not really much more than a toddler, in which case, you following up on him having already told the child off, is a bit excessive in my opinion. It's different if you have a DS of 15 who's been caught fighting at school, you hear about it and tell him off, then your husband or partner to follows it up with a further telling off, to show him that you both mean business, but a small child who has been a bit naughty at the park, should be corrected at the time, and then their misdemeanour should be put behind you, and you continue to show love and have fun, not harp on about it forever more.

As for what he called you, even if you have gained weight, calling you a 'Fat Fuck' is hardly conducive to making you want to make an effort to lose the weight, is it? As someone else said, the quickest way to lose a lot of weight is to kick this pathetic bully out, and regain your self respect.

Thank him? It's his kid too. Does he thank her?

You're assuming though.
You don't know what was said?
When people are muttering under their breath it's the worst, as you can mishear.
Only OP was there so surely able to guess tone and intent more than we are

Yeah, that kind of thing gets me too
Surely if you're a parent and you go out with your kids that's just being a parent?!
Can't remember ever being thanked as a mum for taking them out for the day 🤔😁

Me too. There's a difference between general parenting and dropping everything to go out for four hours - not sure which was the case here.

If my husband or partner called me a fat fuck it would be the end of the relationship. But, in my 20s, a boyfriend at the time called me a cunt, and I was upset but 'accepted' it. He didn't mean it etc. I'm now older and wiser.

I suppose it might depend on whether he repeatedly thanks @Onlybbtolookforwardto for all the other hours of the days, weeks, months, and years that she - probably - has the vast amount of the responsibility for caring for, feeding, entertaining etc THEIR DD!!

@Lazypeopledrivemecrazy 5 years old, I agree not good behaviour, but to pick her up and take her home and call her spoilt etc in the car (she told me this) then come home angry and get angry at me for not getting automatically angry at her too seems over the top

It is absolutely over the top and not an appropriate way to address the behaviour. Poor thing.

Id thank him. Id 100% thank him
Thank you for showing me what an absolute bollox of a husband you are.
Thank you for showing me exactly who you are
Thank you for being such a cunt i posted on mumsnet and realised i deserve better.

Fuckme some people have ZERO standards
38 years with dh. Know how many times hes called me an abusive name?
None. Exactly none.
Guess what though? I DO remember being about 4 and hearing my father being a bastard to my mother. And i remember the gut wrenching fear that came with seeing he was in one of his moods again.
Get the fuck away from this prick.

That is possible if he hasn't ever called you that before.

"For fuck" and "Fat fuck" would look similar if they were mouthed.