Dh just called me a fat fuck

[Onlybbtolookforwardto]

He was stood a bit away and looking at me in such an awful way and mouthed it as Dd was in the room, he’ll likely deny he said it.
This was because I’m ill at the moment and he took Dd to the park, he didn’t offer this and seemed moody about this too.
They were gone a good few hours and when they arrived back, he stormed in and Dd looked sad and cuddled me. I asked what was wrong and Dh launched into a tirade about how Dd went on a bouncy castle and wouldn’t get off and asked for a toy and when Dh said no, she started shouting how he was a bad daddy etc etc (she’s going through a stage of saying this to us, me too when angry or saying we’re not coming to her party) He was really angry and looking at me and gesturing and saying ‘She can’t act like this!’ Obviously waiting for me to step in and tell her off too. I would have if he’d just give me a second/calm down and bearing in mind I don’t feel well either. He then said he was exhausted…after 4 hours at a park (nothing to do with being at his friends until 1.30 am)
I said ‘Why are you so angry?’
He went to walk out of the back patio and said the above, with a nasty look on his face.

I'm going to assume you weren't there and have no basis on which to challenge OP's interpretation of what was mouthed at her in anger.

What was possibly mouthed at her in anger.

She may also be projecting.

I love ❤️ your tiny Penis comment and rest of your post. @SkiingIsHeaven

L.o.l 🤣

Four hours is a long time for the child to be at the park anyway. Of course she was going to get ratty.

Am beginning to realise in MN world that I must be really lucky - my DH does actually thank me for ironing/laundry, dinner, extra special tidy ups/house cleans - esp if he’s been away on business - also thanks me for ‘being a great mum’ esp when our eldest (ADHD.ASD/MH) is being a shit or I’ve had a battle with school over youngests ASD support etc. However he will also call me out if I’m being an unreasonable biatch, though [not uncommon], just NOT with that language. I hope I reciprocate when he cooks/gardens/does the grunt jobs I hate.

That said, I think implying OPs DH’s behaviour was justified because she didn’t fawn over him the second he got home is barking. It’s never okay to be abusive, even if you feel unsupported.

You expect a thank you for looking after your child? Why?

OP, using your DH vocabulary I will defined him like a "fucking arsehole". In my case, no excuses provided or needed ,as it is not an appreciation or a comment made out of anger, is merely a definition of him according with his behaviour.

I find that a little odd to be fair. I mean we thank each other for cooking, but everything else we split 50/50. I can’t imagine us living a day where we continually thank each other. Thanks for emptying fhe dishwasher, no problem, thanks back for hoovering, no worries, thanks back to you again for making the beds, no no, thanks back to you for the dusting, ghanks go you for being a great dad today, oh thanks to you for being a great mum today, is that really how you live? Thanking each other for basic adulting?

unless you mean you do it all and he just rolls in and says thanks? As I do see you seem to highlight very limited jobs for him.

I was going to say, we do thank each other for things like this! We both really appreciate the other getting chores done and I think it’s nice to acknowledge it. If I’d taken the kids out for 4 hours he’d definitely appreciate it, and would say so!

Not sure 8 hours of garden grunt work most weekends for a guy that works 12-14hrs days mon-fri and often travels LD, is the main breadwinner allowing me to be a FT student/SAHM for our 2 SEN kids is ‘very limited jobs’. And, if I’ve changed the beds when the kids are out - or hubs has changed ours - yeah, we thank each other as we all love a freshly changed bed.

It’s called mutual respect and the way we were both raised (in different cultures, too). No cheerleading, or grovelling on bended need to the patriarchy, just common decency between family members to offer a passing ‘thank you’ if DH or DCs have hoovered or washed the floor when out…

I find other people’s attitudes rather odd. However, maybe that’s why DH & I have been chugging along mostly happily for 33years despite life’s up and many downs. 🤷🏻‍♀️

It’s awful that your daughter is parented by a nasty aggressive bully. For your daughters sake you should leave him.

I agree. I would not assume he said something I didn't clearly hear him say.

The child does sound awfully spoilt if they are asking for a toy randomly on a park visit. Not just 'for my birthday' next month.

this is an anonymous forum, you never said you were a sahm and that’s why you do most of the household tasks.

I’m not sure on this… I feel like if I’d had four hours (which is really long, are you sure?) at the park where my child behaved badly, I’d look for a bit of support / back up when I came home.

That’s a total derail of the OP’s post.

I DON’T do most of the household tasks where did I say that? I mentioned DH cooks/gardens/does the grunt work I don’t like. The list wasn’t exhaustive. I also said I am a FT student (BSc, MA and now PhD)… we have an even split of chores depending on workload/business travel/essays/sickness because we are a loving, respectful partnership.

But this is irrelevant to OP - the point is that it should be the norm to thank family members and spouses/partners for the things they do. Just as it should not be the norm to be abusive towards one another, even when one party feels unappreciated and especially with the other party is sick.

Oh I get it - you’re the wanky husband.

Did you miss that he didn’t volunteer to do this ? And in what world is ‘his Sunday’? It’s got everything to do with gender. Men like this expect their partner to do all the child rearing and when they are eventually forced to step up you think they deserve thanks ? I might think about a ‘thanks for that’ if he was an involved dad and it was a spontaneous act to allow me some peace. But that’s clearly not what’s going on here.

Your DH was very rude to you and that’s not acceptable or excusable at all.

However, I don’t understand all the people saying he shouldn’t expect thanks for taking his daughter out for 4 hours. Imagine a thread that that said “DH is ill so I took DD out, despite being tired myself from working all week. We were out for 4 hours so DH was able to have a good long rest. It was bloody hard because DD is going through a phase, and she was really badly behaved, it was a bit of a nightmare to be honest. I got home and DD ran up to DH crying and saying I’d been mean. I explained what had happened, and DH didn’t react. I’m annoyed - I’m tired, frustrated with DD, I’ve given DH the whole afternoon to himself - and he won’t even thank me or support me in managing our DD’s behaviour”. I expect the responses would be quite different….

I think parents should share the workload, and if one of them does the whole of something without help (makes a meal, takes the kids out to give the other a break, clears out the garage etc), then it’s polite to say thanks. Lack of thanks certainly doesn’t warrant insults, but thanks would have been nice.

Hmmm, child going through angry phrase and calls him a bad daddy.

The reasons why are staring you in the face. He is a bad daddy as he's a nasty, belligerent 🔔end. See him for what he is.

He sounds like he's got a screw loose. Who rants at raves about a kid that asked for a toy or had a tantrum? Just tell them no/let them tantrum it out and get on with your day.

This. FFS OP LEAVE. I feel so desperately sad for women in 'relationships' with bastards like this.
You are worth more OP and your daughter sounds like she is very unhappy.

Nice. I'd be more pissed off that he stayed at his mate's until 1.30am

This is not acceptable - it’s one thing to tell a child off/correct behaviour, even to take them home if they’ve not responded to those corrections or/and are escalating, but to call them names is never okay.

It sounds to me as though there is more going on here and that you need to get to the bottom of it, even if it means asking him to leave (temporarily while he gives his head a wobble?). He needs to apologise to your DD.

So I take it your DH is absolutely perfect and has no flaws? What a knob.

I hate him, OP. And I only read the opening post. Could you find your way to leaving the abusive bastard? You and your daughter would benefit. Don't go 50/50 either, she wouldn't be emotionally secure with him.