WWYD: Son and Money

[ClamFandango]

DS (15yo) gets £60per month allowance, from which he pays for his phone contract (sim only: £6), and all non-school uniform clothes plus socialising, snacks etc.
He is not good at saving, although we encourage him to save £30 per month - so that it doesn't all get spent on snacks and small things. On top of that he will usually ask for money from family for birthday and Christmas, and usually gets given about £150 in total each time. He tends to save up for a bit and then blow the lot on a big ticket item (usually equipment for his music hobby, clothes or gifts for friends).
He recently bought his sister a v generous birthday gift, and a valentine gift for his girlfriend. Then he dropped his mobile phone and it broke - repair cost barely less than replacement (with secondhand reconditioned phone), so he spent £200 on a new secondhand phone, which cleaned his savings out and we had to advance him £60, which wipes out his next two months' savings (so his allowance is down to £30 per month, which is generally earmarked for phone contract and snacks at school).
This morning he was sad that he won't be able to buy his best friend a birthday present next month, and got very defensive when I suggested he was angling for a further loan / more cash from us. I said he wasn't getting any more money from me beyond the allowance, less the loan he already owes, and he had to learn to save more prudently.

We could afford to give him something to buy the friend a present, but the purpose behind the allowance is to teach him budgeting. We feel so mean saying "tough luck - you've spent up and that's it. Tell your friend you'll get him something in a couple of months' time". AIBU to take this stance?

Considering how much clothes cost it's really not a huge budget. I buy my kids the necessities, but they have to finance anything extra they want.

How ridiculous to expect him to pay for clothes you sound really greedy.

Pretty sure I had £30 a month allowance when I was a teenager in the 80’s! Not surprised he can’t afford to buy anything

We have a 16 year old. He gets £20 a month for toiletries and to save for things we don’t think he needs. He then gets £10 a week pocket money. So essentially £60 a month.

We pay his phone contract and buy all clothes. He couldn’t pay off those things and have enough to live. We don’t insist he saves either.

My (16 yrs) teen gets £10 a week allowance. I pay for their mobile phone each month, plus I buy all their clothes, shoes, toiletries, hair cuts etc. Basically all necessities plus gym and hobbies. Oh and some snacks on the weekly grocery shop Their allowance is for them to save up for things they want as opposed to necessities. They are expected to help around the house when asked, to earn the allowance.

I feel sorry for your son to be honest.

He sounds like a kind, generous and responsible lad. You could cut him some slack, pay for half the cost of his phone, give him jobs so he can earn money. You're right to want him to be responsible, but you need to make it possible for him to succeed.

I agree it's probably not enough money - but disagree with the principle of the allowance. My parents gave me the option at 14 of having an allowance and buying my own clothes and presents for people, and I jumped at it. It was the 70s so no phones then, but the rest was the same - I suppose we didn't go out to eat with friends much but the occasional Wimpy, and of course sweets, came out of it.

It was great. I still have some diaries with every penny I spend recorded in the back - 2p mars bars and the like. I think there was less pressure in those days to buy branded clothing or things like expensive trainers - but OP probably wouldn't buy those for him anyway, even if she was paying direct. You have to cut your cloth, and it's good for her son to learn that.

Perhaps replacing the phone for him and letting him carry on with the rest would have been a better option? If he has to buy his own phone from time to time that is a big cost. And I agree he should do chores to earn extra cash. But learning to budget must surely be a good thing?

Sorry - I mean I disagree that the principle of the allowance is a bad thing......

Ooh just looked. I got £10 in 1979 and £12.50 in 1980. I imagine that was a lot more than £60 nowadays......

You are being somewhat unrealistic OP but it sounds like you’ve done a fantastic job at teaching money management. Your DC sounds kinds, thoughtful and already great with money. In my opinion DC should not have to pay for new mobile phone or the clothing basics such as jeans tees and jumpers. These costs should be your responsibility as a parent of a school child.

My daughter is a bit younger but
she gets 80,00 a month - for leisure activities / days outs / anything in shops etc or to save for big ticket items if wanted. This is also for gifts for friends / family that she wants to buy for
in terms of clothes this is included if it’s something that is out of the ordinary / not needed - for example a pair of dr martens despite already having a pair 😂

clothes we do 3 times a year where will go through her clothes and get rid / sell anything that she has outgrown etc and then we go out and she probably gets 300 pound budget to replaced anything that needs replacing every 4 months. she does growth very quickly though at the moment.

school uniform is Seperate and done twice a year ( winter and summer )

then she has
phone bill - 20.00
crunchy roll -5.00
and her graphics edit subscription thing at 10.00
and gaming subsection which I think is 10-12.00

So just under 2.5 k a year on apart from school uniform and like her part of the food for the house / bedding etc

I give my older two £5 per week in their banks and then I put £5 a week away. This isn’t much spends for them when they go out with their friends at weekends and decided to buy McDonald’s or drinks/sweets etc. the bit I put away they can have if they need to buy gifts for example or if there’s something more expensive they want to get. I usually end up subsidising too even though I can’t really afford to. I also don’t expect them to buy clothes out of it and if they were thinking of it, I tell them I’ll get it for them soon. I also pay their phone contracts £8 a month, they’re too young to be paying their own

Maybe not to you, but to someone like me whose had a terrible round of luck with employment last year and this year, have suffered with unstable mental health conditions and is literally now living on the poverty line after living comfortably until last year…. I don’t think that’s a very fair comment.

Clothing doesn’t have to be crap just because it costs less than £30 per item. Vinted is awesome and sustainable!!

Your teaching him the reality of life. It's ok to feel crappy that he can't afford a present. As parents we have the underlying need to fix things but he needs to learn. I feel £60 is more than enough! It's great he can save an buy what he likes.

I believe adults nowadays don't know how to self regulate because parents couldn't stop themselves from "helping". How come we don't stop our child from getting excited but will try and fix their frustrations? It's our job to teach, not control. They have to learn otherwise what's the point.

I plan on doing the same as you so don't understand the attacks. Mine are still 7 & 5 so we aren't there yet but the eldest already has his own bank account and is expected to save up if he wants something in particular and it's not his birthday or for special treats. He also only gets pocket money if he does his chores - with some flexibility.

I think it's great to give him an allowance to buy his own clothes, etc.. as a teenager. It allows him (teaches him!) to manage his funds. It's brilliant!

However, I do think saving £30 out of £60 per month is unreasonable. I'm not sure where you live but we are in London and my children would easily be spending £10-20 each time they went out. I'd like them to be able to go out every weekend and not be restricted (within reason). I would say at least £100 pocket money is appropriate at that age and how much is saved from that will vary from month to month.

I used to get £200-300 as a teenager. I appreciate this is higher than usual and it's only because my parents were divorced. I paid for absolutely everything I needed from that ( aside from school uniform, books, school lunch...) - including my travel to school.

There are a lot of 'rules' here OP. You'll buy underwear but not outerwear!? At 15, he's still a child - clothes are a basic need, so should be purchased by the parent.

At the end of the day, you can afford what you csn afford. If there isn't any more money then there isn't any more money.

But you're acting and writing as though it's his fault he's struggling to budget. Which is exactly the way low income families are treated actually. It's not laziness or frivelousness that means that people with little money struggle to fund everything they need. Your 15 year old gets a small amount of pocket money, but he also has to buy his own snacks at school, has to buy his own clothes, has to pay for his own phone, has to fund gifts for his siblings and friends. These are things that should still be covered by parents at such a young age.

I think you have very high money management expectations of a 15 year old child. I would definitely struggle to keep to his budget

My kids are not at the age yet but back in the 00s when I was a teenager I got £50 a week and £50 extra for the weekend if it was a fancy occasion (going out to celebrate a friend's birthday etc). My friends also received a similar allowance. I wasn't expected to save any of it although I did try to save up for big ticket things I wanted.

Min of £200 a month then .That's an awful lot. Bet there's a lot of people who can't afford to fish out that amount per teenager. My mortgage was less than thay

I can't comment on the amounts because I'm in a different country with a different currency, but money is also tight in our house and I have a similar setup with my kids. Since we've been doing this, phones get broken with a lot less frequency and clothes etc get chosen with a lot more consideration. As well as trying to teach budgeting I'm also trying to encourage thoughtful spending and taking care of belongings, and I've found that my kids appreciate the value of things much more when it's their own money they're spending. I fund all their needs and certain extras, but encourage them to pay for their own wants.

If you can manage it financially, you could think about going halves on big-ticket spends like phone repairs and gifts for friends? That way your child is still learning how to manage his money, but you're rewarding his money management by giving him a boost.

I can't remember how much money I got growing up but it definitely wasn't enough to learn to budget with, so I guess it's important to hit the balance between too little to be meaningful and too much to teach value.

I have a 15 year old boy too. He gets £40 a month from us as pocket money.

He does not pay for his phone, or his clothes. If he is going to a friend's birthday party or something like bowling for a friend's birthday, we fund the gifts. He has the option to earn £30 every couple of weeks by washing the cars.

A meal at Nando's (burger, side, refillable drink) is £15. Even a McDonald's meal is £6. Expecting a kids of that age to exist on £1 a day is unrealistic. Even £2 a day or £60 a month when you expect him to buy his own clothes and phone. And then you say you don't want him getting a job??

He is learning absolutely nothing if he physically does not have enough money to buy necessities. You can’t save money that you don’t have. £60 per month is absolutely nothing these days. A few years ago I would’ve said that was reasonable, my own DD got around the same per month at that age but now that would barely buy him a pair of jeans, never mind anything else that he needs.

I’m shocked at the reactions here. £60 is good. In our house, if you want more you can earn or get a job. I think it’s good to encourage mindfulness with money, I don’t think there’s enough of that. If he can’t afford the type of phone he has he needs to down grade, same when your earn if your can’t afford, you shouldn’t have it.
I wouldn’t expect to save 50%, however I would expect some to be saved and when needed it would be used for phone or presents. He’s 15, if you don’t teach how to use money who will… does he expect you to shake the money tree?
as an adult you can’t (in my world anyway) just have whatever you want,
you have to think about. Yes I’d love to buy myself and others (expensive) lovely presents but if I can’t afford it then it wi be within budget.

The issue is that despite OP not giving her DS enough to live off (it’s 2024, have you seen clothing prices?!) she also does not want him to get a job so that he can actually fund these essentials. Something has to give

We give our Dd (14) £100 per month and pay for contact lenses (£45), phone/watch (£35) and lunches (£35) on top of this. The expectation is that Dd will save some, have freedom to buy clothes, beauty and things for her room that she wants.

We buy uniforms, shoes, jackets, essentials. We also buy essential toiletries - shampoo, conditioner, sanitary towels, shower gels, hair stuff.

We also randomly go halves on random purchases she makes and contribute to meals out with friends.

Dd is desperate for a job But her ages is making this difficult. She does make money from pet sitting. She’s an avid saver and often buys her own bedding and stuff for her room. She’s a great saver.

Unfortunately, whilst £60 per month is a lot - it really won’t stretch to clothes, phone and snacks.