WWYD: Son and Money

[ClamFandango]

DS (15yo) gets £60per month allowance, from which he pays for his phone contract (sim only: £6), and all non-school uniform clothes plus socialising, snacks etc.
He is not good at saving, although we encourage him to save £30 per month - so that it doesn't all get spent on snacks and small things. On top of that he will usually ask for money from family for birthday and Christmas, and usually gets given about £150 in total each time. He tends to save up for a bit and then blow the lot on a big ticket item (usually equipment for his music hobby, clothes or gifts for friends).
He recently bought his sister a v generous birthday gift, and a valentine gift for his girlfriend. Then he dropped his mobile phone and it broke - repair cost barely less than replacement (with secondhand reconditioned phone), so he spent £200 on a new secondhand phone, which cleaned his savings out and we had to advance him £60, which wipes out his next two months' savings (so his allowance is down to £30 per month, which is generally earmarked for phone contract and snacks at school).
This morning he was sad that he won't be able to buy his best friend a birthday present next month, and got very defensive when I suggested he was angling for a further loan / more cash from us. I said he wasn't getting any more money from me beyond the allowance, less the loan he already owes, and he had to learn to save more prudently.

We could afford to give him something to buy the friend a present, but the purpose behind the allowance is to teach him budgeting. We feel so mean saying "tough luck - you've spent up and that's it. Tell your friend you'll get him something in a couple of months' time". AIBU to take this stance?

I don't think he should be made to save 30 a month.

He's getting £60 a month, which is £13.85 a week - that's not much at all

Many teens would spend this on going out alone, let alone having to pay for clothes, and save 50% of that

I don't think savings are realistic on that amount and he needs a bigger budget for clothes

I had the same system with my parents except that I got £50 a month and it was the mid 90s.

I’ve done a quick google and £50 in 1995 in now £100 now.

It’s £2 a day. He has to buy clothes, snacks and his phone /sim. And save half. So basically £1 a day.

It’s a bit of a squeeze, you say it’s all you can afford so I respect that. I would get the friend’s present on this occasion.

I think the allowance is fine. My DD gets less and although I cover essentials she has Vinted/Depop down to an art for buying/selling clothes.

We treat clothes almost as a disposable item these days, it's one of the most wasteful industry there is.

£7.50 a week for a 15 yr old ( and to buy clothes! ) in 2024 is a joke, quite honestly. Unless that’s all you can afford, although it doesn’t sound like it.

My ds has an August birthday so I used to buy a lot fun of clothes for him in the sales for birthday and Christmas, but clothes he needed ones he’d grown out of, shoes etc, whenever he needed them.

He’s still a child and it’s very hard to find a Saturday job in that age group now, give the lad a break.
Edited to say I see £60 is your budget which is fair enough, but you can’t expect him to save half.

It’s not £60 a month to cover his needs really though, it’s £30 a month if you’re expecting him to save £30. £24 after his phone contract, which needs to pay for snacks, clothing etc.

Give him 20 quid for a birthday present. He seems to have shown a decent amount of responsibility with his money already. Give him some odd jobs to do to 'earn' it if you must.

I agree.

There’s teaching children budgeting sense and then there’s this. Jeezo a decent t-shirt is £25+ and the OP is expecting him to save half of a £60 allowance? I’m shocked that anyone would expect a 15 year old to buy casual clothes too, but hey, this is MN where children should be grateful for an orange and wooden train set for Christmas…

@ClamFandango In answer to your question on how much others spend, put it this way, a decent pair of trainers are £200+ add to that decent jeans, tops, jumpers, boots/shoes, casual jackets, your £720 won’t go far. I’m disgusted you’re doing this to your 15 year old tbh.

Posters are ignoring this:

or perspective, we will give him £10 towards any time he is out and needs to buy a meal, and underwear / socks are also provided (the rule is that he has to buy all "casual outerwear" but the basics - undies, pyjamas, good coat and of course school uniform and any associated equipment, we provide).

I have my two £10 a week until they got their first jobs. I've also paid for their lunches, phones and clothes until they started working. I think £24 a month to spend really is no money at all. I don't think you should force him to save. Sometimes kids need to learn what happens when they aren't good with money too.

Would you be able to save 50% of your income?
£30 does not go far these days. If you really want to teach him about saving & budgeting, let him figure it out on his own. He's obviously good at it if he saves for big ticket items every so often.

My daughter, almost 17 gets £40 p/m allowance but we pay her phone bill & bus pass (£100 pm) and will be occasionally buy the odd item of clothing but if she wants more disposable, she knows she'll have to get a job.

Did he get you a Mother's Day present? I think since she's buying his clothes and Christmas and birthday presents out of it I'd give him a break. He's learning budgeting- he was able to sort out his phone. He's doing ok.

If you can afford it I would let him earn some money this month so that he can afford the present and still pay you back for the phone.

Do you have any old stuff that he could sell on vinted/ebay etc? If its your stuff he does the work and the money is split 50/50 after selling fees. If it is his stuff (and I'd be pretty lenient with the definition of his stuff) then he keeps the money.

Or do you have any chores which he could do for payment? Cleaning the car is a good one and he gets the £5 you'd spend at the car wash; or could he do the shopping from the list and then he gets the £5 you would spend on the delivery charge etc?

I think you're being unnecessarily harsh tbh op. I bet he's a good kid too and doesn't give you problems.

what about footwear op? My ds is now 21
but when he started secondary school at 11 he was already a size 11 men’s shoe: his feet thankfully stopped growing at 14 and he is a size 13. Trainers cost around £140-180 for a mid range pair. I can’t imagine a 15 year old being able to buy much of anything with £60 these days. Teens are expensive to dress and feed.

I bought mine absolutely everything until he left education at 18. He bought extra stuff himself but all basics and more were covered and cost a lot more than £60 pm.

He spent his money on a nice pressie for his sister and broke his phone

He's 15. Shouldn't have to pay for his phone if breaks

Most adults would bulk at £200 for a phone via cex. I know I would

He saved his money and used that

Now doesn't have any

I would seriously think about giving him £100 back half of the phone

He sounds both sensible and generous especially for a 15yo boy…. It’s not like he’s spending it all on sweets and vapes .

you say you give him £60, make him save £30 and the other £30 is phone sim and food at school. So really he has nothing left to spend on stuff like gifts (let alone general teenage fun stuff)which is why they have to come out of savings and therefore there’s nothing left for real “rainy day” events like his phone breaking. Sounds like it’s not enough tbh.

Do you buy his shoes/trainers etc?

£60 a month or £720 a year sounds a lot in one way - and if that’s all you can afford that’s the bottom line. However my DD is younger and so far this month she has ‘needed’:
School lunch account £60
Gym membership £45
Hoodie for team sport £27
Ticket for school trip to see a sporting event £28
Pocket money for general spends £50 (5 Fridays this month so £10 a week)
Cinema with friend £15
Phone contact £10
Lunch with friends £15
New clothes (top, dress and nike socks)£50ish
Gift for friend’s birthday £21.90 (voucher and sweets)

There are still two weekends to go!

More than that.

We don't force him to save £30. We put £30 into a current account - that's for phone, snacks and little things. £30 goes into an instant access saver, that's for clothes, gifts, topping up the current if he overspends. The savings are to help him budget.

We originally just gave him £60 in the current account, but he frittered it away on snacks and had nothing to show for it at the end of the month. The savings are completely in his control, but he can see when he is getting to the end of his "fun money" and go easy on the sausage rolls and crisps.

This is his fourth phone in six years. The first one (iPhone) we gave him as a gift and it was accidentally thrown out of a second floor window (no joke). He replaced that himself, rather than have an old one of mine that was on offer. That one also got dropped and the screen broken (too expensive to repair: Samsung are dreadful for repair costs, but that was his choice). He replaced it with birthday money (another Samsung - his choice again), and that is the latest one to get dropped. He's got a Google Pixel this time, which are apparently more hardwearing. We shall see...

He has enough clothes - he's very stylish, and chooses key pieces wisely. He often gets compliments on how he dresses. So all those of you worrying that he is a poor neglected waif, wandering about in rags, can simmer down.

Genuinely interested to know how much you think is the right amount of money for a 15yo. We're not keen on him getting a job, as he works hard at school / after school activities and needs down time.

He could probably get away with not buying snacks but he’s a growing boy and you can’t get clothes from charity shops for 50p anymore. It is your responsibility as his parent to make sure that he is adequately clothed and not give him an impossibly small budget to fund all sorts. Paying for phone is reasonable. What would the savings be for?

A pound a day. And he has to pay for his clothes and his phone.

You should be buying his clothes Jesus. What nice items is he meant to get out of £30? A pair of trainers for his size would roughly be about £120. Unless he's in cheap basics. A pair of jeans or joggers would be at least £45. Poor kid

Think it's pretty disgusting you are making him pay for his own clothes and snacks!!! He is 15 and still your financial responsibility!

I pay for all of 15yr old daughter's clothes/snacks etc. She has an allowance of £20 per week to spend on what she likes such as socialising. I pay for her phone contract and I give her £10 for her friends presents. To be honest, I will usually pay for her ticket/ transport/ food for the cinema/bowling etc but she can use her spending money for any extras.

If she has anything particularly big coming up, she does chores to earn a bit more.

We are not rich, but I think this is reasonable and allows her to appreciate the importance of saving whilst also being a teenager and being care free.