WWYD: Son and Money

[ClamFandango]

DS (15yo) gets £60per month allowance, from which he pays for his phone contract (sim only: £6), and all non-school uniform clothes plus socialising, snacks etc.
He is not good at saving, although we encourage him to save £30 per month - so that it doesn't all get spent on snacks and small things. On top of that he will usually ask for money from family for birthday and Christmas, and usually gets given about £150 in total each time. He tends to save up for a bit and then blow the lot on a big ticket item (usually equipment for his music hobby, clothes or gifts for friends).
He recently bought his sister a v generous birthday gift, and a valentine gift for his girlfriend. Then he dropped his mobile phone and it broke - repair cost barely less than replacement (with secondhand reconditioned phone), so he spent £200 on a new secondhand phone, which cleaned his savings out and we had to advance him £60, which wipes out his next two months' savings (so his allowance is down to £30 per month, which is generally earmarked for phone contract and snacks at school).
This morning he was sad that he won't be able to buy his best friend a birthday present next month, and got very defensive when I suggested he was angling for a further loan / more cash from us. I said he wasn't getting any more money from me beyond the allowance, less the loan he already owes, and he had to learn to save more prudently.

We could afford to give him something to buy the friend a present, but the purpose behind the allowance is to teach him budgeting. We feel so mean saying "tough luck - you've spent up and that's it. Tell your friend you'll get him something in a couple of months' time". AIBU to take this stance?

According to 2024 statistics, almost half of Brits (46%) have £1,000 or less in savings, and a quarter of Brits (25%) have £200 or less. 1 in 6 UK adults (16%) have no savings at all.

So perhaps it is in fact a good idea to go against the prevailing wind and be strict with your kids on money. I think the key thing is for the kids to know you're not punishing them, you really are trying to set them up for success.

OP, have you spoken to your DS about how he felt when his phone broke? He had his savings to fall back on, what a relief. Can he imagine not having that, having to take out extortionate loans, then spiralling into debt. He should be proud of his 'nest egg', he's doing better than many adults.

Fwiw, I think you're doing a good job.

I have a 15 year old. She gets £20 a week but we cover her phone contract, all clothes, all activities which can range from £17 - £72 a week depending on what she's got on that week, school lunches and well anything but socialising. I think everyone is different and you do have to stick to what you can afford but if you can afford more and he's doing well at school I would maybe raise it a little.

Instead of half in the savings, even though I know he can access them, how about a smaller percentage and then if there's any money left over at the end of the month he adds to it?

Personally I would have paid for the friends gift as friends are such a big part of their lives at that age. The phone situation I'd have an issue with. Luckily my dd looks after her phone and just gets a new one every 2 years. I wouldn't like to be paying out more than that, especially if they were careless. I'd probably cover the first breakage but if another happened quickly I would expect them to pay or cover the cost of getting insurance. I think I pay around £5pm for mine and hope it would teach them to be a bit more careful.

Agreed. I feel so sorry for him.

Must be horrible to have such tight arse parents. I understand teaching your kids to save up and learn the value of money but Christ this is way too far.

And bless him wanting to buy a nice present for his mate and not being able to because he has had to spend all his savings on a new phone..surely parents should buy their 15yr old a phone anyway. At 15 you need one for walking home alone etc.

I think he did well to be able to save for the phone and buy presents. If he has to save £30 a month and only had £30 for everything else it won't go far.

Dropping his phone was an accident. I think that by denying him a little more money now to buy his friend a present might encourage him not to save in the future. Could he have an advance?

My DS6 has not long had a growth spurt and I've just bought him 2x Jeans, 2 x Leggings, 2 x Hoodies, 2 x Trainers (PE and Casual), 2 packs new socks, a multi pack of T-shirts (in long sleeve and short), a new shirt for smart and some boots. ALL FROM LOW COST STORES and it still cost me nearly £200 and this will all need replacing again in 6m or so and he will need more things added as the paydays go by. I think you are delusional to think your son can buy clothes in his size from £60 a month. At 15yrs he is still growing and will need new things regularly. I think that £60 is reasonable for snacks, drinks, treats (cinema, bowling) with friends but at 15 you should definitely still be buying ALL of his clothes.

the two are obviously linked though, because if he had a higher allowance (or didn't have to buy his own clothes), he wouldn't need bailing out.

So on the face of it, yes you should encourage budgeting and being responsible, and particularly if he's gone through that many phones already it's fair enough not to bail him out. But clothes are ridiculously expensive these days, even for adults. Even primark seems expensive to me compared to a few years ago.

Plus the fact he spent his limited money buying expensive presents for others is quite sweet.

I don't see why giving him a loan or allowing him to earn extra money e.g. by doing extra chores, is a bad thing if you're trying to teach him 'real life' budgeting, as those are both things adults would do if they needed money quickly.

You should buy his clothes.

This. Poor kid.

I agree.

You're his parent. It's your duty to to ensure he is clothed appropriately. Anything less is negligence really.

I would never expect my teenagers to buy clothes from an allowance of £60pm. Although my daughter often chooses to buy extra clothes and spend her allowance in that way. Your son needs a bigger allowance, or to not have to buy clothes. I understand you are trying to get him to understand the value of money, I do try the same with mine. But it simply isn’t enough.

I don’t think he should be buying his own clothes, that’s your job! It would be different if he was expecting to wear all designer labels or something. And expecting to pay for his phone and save feels like you’re wanting him to fail before he’s even learnt.

Sorry, but £60 a month and expecting him to both buy clothes and save is a bit tight. Mine get £100. They can earn more if they are up to date with school work, so usually in the summer we’ll give them some jobs. It’s entirely for fun or saving. One saves half, the other rather a lot less. It’s for books, games, gaming and socialising with their mates.

Clothes and the phone contract are bought by us and will be until they leave FT education. We give our eldest a twice yearly clothing allowance to buy their own clothes so they have control and can budget (or splurge on Vans/Converse); the youngest (15) couldn’t care less about clothes and would wear rags so we buy his gear.

They buy xmas presents and birthday gifts for their friends out of their own money… because they are well able to save a bit.

YABVVVU

After he’s saved his £30 and spent £6 on his phone contract, could you clothe yourself, buy snacks, buy gifts for birthdays for £24 .. oh and save for any accidental damage to phone.

Mental.. and you begrudge helping him out to buy a gift for a friend. You should be thankful you’ve raised a thoughtful boy and get your purse out.

I’m repeating what others have said but expecting a schoolchild to buy all their own non school clothes is grossly unfair.

Parents should be providing all basics at that age, and that includes clothing.

YANBU

I'd be pissed off with his carelessness with his phones. 4 phones in 6 years? Jeez, I've had my current phone for 6 years! My husband had his about the same and only just replaced his a couple of months ago when the other one finally died.

I've read all the OP's posts, but not the full thread, so not sure if anyone has asked why he doesn't have a part-time job?

I never was given any pocket money or allowance growing up, but always worked part-time. Child employment laws were different then of course but I'd be surprised if a 15yr old can't work a bit.

@ReadingSoManyThreads OP has said she doesn't want him getting a part time job, so the best way he could improve this situation is blocked to him.

Agree.

OP is weird.

Reading your posts OP, you sound a bit cold. I can’t ever imagine not providing clothes for my DC.

Child employment laws were different then of course but I'd be surprised if a 15yr old can't work a bit.

my DS is 15 and I’d much rather he focussed in his exams than work. We do provide him with everything he needs though. He’s got plenty of time to get a part time job.

I got £60pm in 1990!

It's just mean.

You are his parent and need to buy his clothes as he's only 15 years old. He's a child. He's in school! Its very unfair of you, cruel even, to expect him to pay for clothes, trainers, toiletries, etc himself out of a measly £60 a month.

Me too!!

I think it's great you're trying to teach him some financial responsibility BUT...I think you're being way too tight and way too strict and it might backfire. He's having to work with so very little that his first proper wages are going to blow his mind. Imagine being fed very little every day then being taken to an all you can eat buffet.

Plus, on top of everything you have said, you don't actually want him to get a job right now. He sounds like a nice lad, working hard at school, still managing to save up (yes, being a little clumsy with phones.), wanting to buy gifts for people he cares about etc. IMO...until you're comfortable with him finding some PT work/he finds some, you should be buying his clothes (unless it's something designer/expensive). You should be paying for his SIM and he should be getting more like £80 a month/£20 a week.

Your expecting him to do far too much out of a miserly £60

If insuring the phone isn't an option, can you get him one of those indestructible phone cases?

My daughter has one on her phone as she's a clumsy oaf too - cost about £20 on ebay and it's basically bullet proof. She's dropped it off the side of her horse onto the concrete yard countless times, it's fallen into water buckets, think one of the horses even trod on it once 🤷‍♀️ it still looks as good as new!

Maybe an option?