WWYD: Son and Money

[ClamFandango]

DS (15yo) gets £60per month allowance, from which he pays for his phone contract (sim only: £6), and all non-school uniform clothes plus socialising, snacks etc.
He is not good at saving, although we encourage him to save £30 per month - so that it doesn't all get spent on snacks and small things. On top of that he will usually ask for money from family for birthday and Christmas, and usually gets given about £150 in total each time. He tends to save up for a bit and then blow the lot on a big ticket item (usually equipment for his music hobby, clothes or gifts for friends).
He recently bought his sister a v generous birthday gift, and a valentine gift for his girlfriend. Then he dropped his mobile phone and it broke - repair cost barely less than replacement (with secondhand reconditioned phone), so he spent £200 on a new secondhand phone, which cleaned his savings out and we had to advance him £60, which wipes out his next two months' savings (so his allowance is down to £30 per month, which is generally earmarked for phone contract and snacks at school).
This morning he was sad that he won't be able to buy his best friend a birthday present next month, and got very defensive when I suggested he was angling for a further loan / more cash from us. I said he wasn't getting any more money from me beyond the allowance, less the loan he already owes, and he had to learn to save more prudently.

We could afford to give him something to buy the friend a present, but the purpose behind the allowance is to teach him budgeting. We feel so mean saying "tough luck - you've spent up and that's it. Tell your friend you'll get him something in a couple of months' time". AIBU to take this stance?

To be honest I think at 15, expecting him to be able to save £30 a month out of £60 when he is also expected to use this money for clothes, socialising, snacks etc would be very tight for anyone.

I mean at 15 years old even if he went out with his friends on a Saturday and got lunch from Mcdonalds he would have spent £30, or if he need some new boxers and socks that would be it all gone, so YABU to expect him to be saving £30 from it I think.

A better option might be to allow him to “earn” extra money for jobs, or “loan” money which he then has to pay back to you at £x a month for X months. THAT would be teaching him about real life, that you can work to earn extra cash or loan/credit, it’s a valuable lesson. Expecting him to be able to save better from £60 a month is unreasonable in the same way that nobody would expect someone on a very low income to be able to save.

Also to add, I’ve got fully grown adult friends with full time jobs who wouldn’t have been able to afford to spend £200 unexpectedly on a new phone without having to borrow or lend money from somewhere, or get it on credit. So the fact he was able to do that only needing a small contribution from you shows that actually he is a pretty good saver.

Read some of the threads on “money matters” as an example, there are lots of fully grown adults there for whom a £200 bill would have sent them into debt.

Ridiculous that you expect him to buy clothes out of £60 a month, pay his phone and socialise. I’m surprised you’re not charging the poor kid rent.

You are doing the poor kid no favours.

@Mrsttcno1 thanks for the insight. I do think it is a relatively small allowance, but it's what we can afford.

For perspective, we will give him £10 towards any time he is out and needs to buy a meal, and underwear / socks are also provided (the rule is that he has to buy all "casual outerwear" but the basics - undies, pyjamas, good coat and of course school uniform and any associated equipment, we provide).

I would pay for the friend’s birthday present. I think saving 30 out of 60 a month is tough.

Give him jobs to do to earn it

I think it’s disgusting that you make your 15 year old buy all his own clothes.

Appalling.

I appreciate you're doing really well trying to teach him good money habits but I think that's all really harsh. He's still very young and the cost of a new mobile would throw most adults out. Could you redraw the boundaries a bit to allow in a few more items back within your scope?

Your Child should not be having to pay for his own clothes. You have a responsibility to clothe him. Your view of things is seriously
wrong.

So you don’t buy your child any clothes?

its totally reasonable to give him £60 if that’s what you can afford. M

Its the forced saving and the lack of flexibility when he needs it that is unfair and unkind of you.

£60 allowance is fair enough but the expectation he saves 50% of it is both unrealistic and odd. Of course he buys sweets/snacks, barely anyone doesn't tbh. You need to redraw your expectations. He is still a child.

Really? Those are strong words. I am buying the clothes (it's my money that he spends). I just give him control over how to allocate it, and he can choose whether to buy clothes or crisps, or toys. I'm trying to teach him how to budget and prioritise.

Do you save half of your income?

So far a lot of people are saying that £60 is not enough to cover what he needs. It works out at £720 per year.

How much do others spend on their teens' clothes and pocket money in a year?

Give him a £20 advance to be paid back £5 a month... gets to get his friend a present, important at this age but still be responsible for his own money. We've all dropped our phones I bet?!

I get the sentiment but it does seem unduly harsh to expect 50% saving of his allowance . I feel sorry for him - I would have paid for the mobile phone repair/ replacement as he is still very much a child and not working full time

I think expecting him to save is a bit of a reach when he gets roughly £15 a week and has to buy his own clothes. If you want him to save give him £50 a month and stick a £10 into a savings account that he can access separately

It's definitely tough on that budget. If you want him to clothe himself too. Even a new t-shirt would be say £10. Phone contract is £10 monthly. One day out per month £10. So £30 is quickly gone.
If you are also expecting breakages etc to be paid that's going to be hard.
FWIW I'd always pay the first breakage of a phone and also if he got it stolen it would automatically be covered by me.
Could he get a job? Babysitting or some chores?

I was bought up the same way, only it was £25 a month back in the day.

As an adult I have no debt except our mortgage, I started saving for my first house at 23, and plan to use the same approach with my children to hopefully encourage the same habits.

I always had the option of extra money for chores, it that an option for your done this time,

I think expecting him to buy a new phone out of a £60 a month allowance is unreasonable, especially when it has to cover so many other things as well. Basically he just hasn’t got enough money to pay for everything you expect him to.

And for everyone same new clothes are expensive, yes they are. Me and my friends wore an awful lot of charity shop stuff, and swapped with each other.

The allowance is fine IF you didn't expect him to buy his own clothes, pay for his phone and save.

Your running the risk of him going the opposite to what you intend and blow any money he gets as he has been on super tight budget with big restrictions

He gets £60 a month, of which you encourage (force) him to save £30, and he pays £6 for his phone contact.

Leaving him with £24 a month.

And from that £24 a month you expect a growing 15 year old lad to clothe himself, socialise and buy snacks and gifts.

I’m one of the first people on here to say that when kids are earning, they should be buying their own toiletries, treats, paying their own phone bill, etc, and if they’re earning a full time wage, contributing towards the running of the household.

But remembering back to when my DS was 15 and the rate at which he grew, expecting a 15 year old to buy clothes on £24 a month is absolutely disgusting.

if that is all you can afford ( and I don’t agree he should buy his own clothes- have you seen the price of trainers ?!) could he get a paper round or some other p/t job ?