WWYD: Son and Money

[ClamFandango]

DS (15yo) gets £60per month allowance, from which he pays for his phone contract (sim only: £6), and all non-school uniform clothes plus socialising, snacks etc.
He is not good at saving, although we encourage him to save £30 per month - so that it doesn't all get spent on snacks and small things. On top of that he will usually ask for money from family for birthday and Christmas, and usually gets given about £150 in total each time. He tends to save up for a bit and then blow the lot on a big ticket item (usually equipment for his music hobby, clothes or gifts for friends).
He recently bought his sister a v generous birthday gift, and a valentine gift for his girlfriend. Then he dropped his mobile phone and it broke - repair cost barely less than replacement (with secondhand reconditioned phone), so he spent £200 on a new secondhand phone, which cleaned his savings out and we had to advance him £60, which wipes out his next two months' savings (so his allowance is down to £30 per month, which is generally earmarked for phone contract and snacks at school).
This morning he was sad that he won't be able to buy his best friend a birthday present next month, and got very defensive when I suggested he was angling for a further loan / more cash from us. I said he wasn't getting any more money from me beyond the allowance, less the loan he already owes, and he had to learn to save more prudently.

We could afford to give him something to buy the friend a present, but the purpose behind the allowance is to teach him budgeting. We feel so mean saying "tough luck - you've spent up and that's it. Tell your friend you'll get him something in a couple of months' time". AIBU to take this stance?

I like my kids to learn budgeting - they have had to save Christmas and birthday money for big items (electronics etc). But....I prefer to give as my eldest (16 ) needs it. He doesn't go out a lot so when he does I make sure he has spending money.
School food is put on their cards....they know they have a set amount and can choose to take it in snacks or 1 main meal a week. (I think about £5 spent a school is fair) - there is always packed lunch option.
Pocket money is sporadic....but....if I know they need to get a present I will let them have the money to give or spend on a gift.
(If I saw them wasting it all we might do it differently).
Clothes I still buy - eldest needed shorts 2 pairs were £30...they are not designer or anything. But he wears man sizes and they aren't cheap.

So, as your son got his phone I would help him with his friends present.

A LOT more than that!! He's not a baby. Unless you are completely cash strapped this is beyond tight!

@PlumbersWifey

I also agree .

OP speaks very transactionally about the situation but kids can be really cruel about income desparity. Expecting him to exist on £60 a month to include phone / clothes is grim .

My 15 year old gets £10 a week pocket money, no expectation to save and we buy his clothes. His school food account gets topped up when necessary. I think £10 a week is extremely tight but he's happy with it. If he has a social event, we'd give him extra.

I had to buy all my own (non school uniform) clothes from about 13. It was shite, I had to wait until Christmas to get my Winter clothing, fortunately my birthday was April so I spent my birthday money on clothes.

Insure the phone?

First of all, I think it's great that you are trying to reach your children the value of money and savings, however I don't agree with the expectation he must buy clothes with his allowance.

You need be covering the basics as a bare minimum and buying his everyday clothes. Buy the best you can afford to, whether that is from a supermarket or high street. You could look on vinted also and buy pre loved designer clothes, often people will sell things new for much less or only worn once etc. If he then wants to buy a £100 designer tee, then he knows he needs to save his allowance to do so.

As I said earlier on the thread …you need to make expectations about savings more achievable! I do think you are being unnecessarily tight for making the point about savings.

My DM used to give me £100 to do all of this 22 years ago and it still wasn't enough. Ridiculous. You know it is. He'd be better off getting nothing so that you had to pay for the things he needs.

@ClamFandango sorry but that is not very much money if he has to buy his own clothes and socialise as well. you say to save so that leaves 30 pounds - 6 for phone leaves 24 pounds per month divide that by 4 is only 6 pounds per calendar week! cannot do anything with that! have you seen the price of clothes?

Basically, £1 a day. For clothes, treats, gifts. No one can live on that. YABU.

All those berating OP for not buying his non uniform clothes - do your kids get a new item of clothing every single month?

If a kid wanted a new pair of trainers wouldn't it be acceptable for them to be saved up for over 2 or 3 months?

When I got my first Saturday job at 15 I was expected to buy my own "social" clothes, buy gifts from my own money etc.

Taught me the importance of budgeting and planning ahead financially.

I think YANBU OP. You are teaching him a valuable life skill.

£24 a month, after his sim, to spend on socialising, snacks and clothes? I spend more than that on my 2.5 year old a month and he is clothed in Sainsbury’s clothes!
Expecting a teen, who is probably influenced by peers and Instagram, to have desirable designer clothes/tech, to save £30 and spend only £24 is hugely unreasonable. Poor boy.

Yes, as a growing child they grown out of things frequently.

My child normally has 2-3 pairs of trainers and then some sandles/slippers/wellies/school shoes at any one time. I wouldn’t make them wait 3 months if they needed new shoes.

You don’t need to only buy your child the bare minimum in life to teach them how to budget.

He had to buy his own clothes???

I’m not sure this is the right focus. I’m not surprised £200 has wiped a 15yo out, it’s more than 3 months pocket money. Can you imagine getting a bill for over 3 months take home salary? And when you say it’s 4 phones in 6 years, I think the carelessness is the problem here rather than the money. But if course if you can’t afford it you can’t. I’d sit down with him and go over how much has been spent on phones and what a waste that is. Not sure what else I’d do! Give him some hard task to earn the money for the present probably- cleaning the attic, 4 hours gardening or similar.

I gave my DC £20 per week at that age, that was 15 years ago.

You should be buying all of his clothes at that age. It doesn’t have to be as and when he fancies new clothes, but when things wear out you should be replacing them. He can buy extra bits with his money but shouldn’t be expected to buy his clothes.
He sounds really responsible with money. I think you should give him half towards the present and half comes off the next 2 allowances or something.
FWIW, my parents gave me an allowance at this age and I had to buy absolutely everything including food and vet care for my pet. It wasn’t enough. It made me very stressed. I was shocking with money as a young adult! So it taught me absolutely nothing.

He sounds really sensible and able to budget if he saves for big ticket items, buys his clothes, snacks and pays his mobile out of £60 a month.

I'd offer him £10 to clean car fully or something so he can buy his friend a present.

He sounds like a sensible nice and caring young man

He sounds like a lovely, generous person. And you sound like and absolute tyrant.

My dd only got £20 a month but I bought her clothes, toiletries, paid for her phone and would give her money if she wanted to go out with her friends to the cinema or bowling.

As soon as she was 16yo she got a wend job and earns nearly £300 a month now so buys all her own stuff!

£60 a month to buy clothes, pay for phone, socialise etc isn't loads but I think you maybe need to rethink what the expectations are rather than just give him more money.

She sounds ridiculously spoilt! Who on earth pays £45 per month for their young teens gym membership.

£60 per month is far too low for your expectations of him. Save £30 per month, fund his own clothes, socialise, pay for gifts and replace his own phone. It’s just not doable. You’re setting him up to fail.

I pay £80 a month for private boxing lessons for my son, it has improved his mental health no end.

Spoilt is when children are ungrateful and feel entitled to those things. My son is neither of those things. Don’t insult other people, or their children, because they do things differently to you.

My ds is 16 but when he was 15 we gave him £60 a month. We paid for his phone contract and clothes though so his £60 was for him to spend on his social life / gifts for mates / snacks etc. if you are poor then I appreciate this is all you can give, but in this day and age this is not a lot at all and if I were you I’d give him the extra few quid to get his best mate a gift.

You should really be buying his clothes Op and the phone breakage and the phone and shoes, Jesus, there is budgeting still involved beyond these items. It is just a bit mean, it may all stem from the way you were brought up yourself but then to expect him to save on top of that is just unbelieveable.