To think lots of women are happier when men aren’t around

[Smellsofspring]

As in husbands/partners

I don’t mean in all cases and not all the time…but I have noticed it in so many situations. A girls lunch/night out with just my girlfriends is a lot happier/freer/more fun than when our partners join. The dynamics are different, most friends are more dampened versions of themselves when they’re around and I sometimes sense tension. Even family type play dates, if we do just mums and kids, again the atmosphere is better without out other halves. My mum, I can see is visibly happier when just us girls (sister and I) and kids hang out or she tells me when Dh is out as she gets some peace.
My Dsis is 100% a happier and different person as a single mum, than she was in relationships. She’s fun and talkative now, but was moody and withdrawn in previous partners company at family do’s etc.
I personally have had some nice days out/short breaks with Dh and Dd, but my fondest memories have been just her and I and our adventures together. In those memories we’d sing and dance in the car as we drove to places, no stress when driving, no complaining/moods, just pure joy and embracing things.
I don’t hate men, but this is something I notice more and more the older I get

Thinking about the reverse:

My ExH could not cope without a woman and acquired another one very quickly.

She definitely say him coming.

Love my DH but he changes the dynamics. I'm mire bubbly with other women

I think it’s mainly that women are usually somewhat responsible for men, even if it’s just that we feel emotionally responsible. Without men around we are able to be more free.

I love my husband, spend loads of time with him and we've been together 34 years, married almost 30.

Since September (until last week) I've been being treated for breast cancer (now discharged! Yay!) and in many of my appointments it's been all women looking after me. On several occasions there was no room for dh in the room for the many biopsies I had, and on those occasions there was a real female "energy" that I can't quite describe. Women caring for women, as a team.

I love my husband, my son, my dad, but those experiences were something else!

I’ve got equal good friends male and female and I don’t see this.

What you are describing is two different friendship groups and I agree with that. It’s like when you’re on a hen do and there are friends from home, friends from work, and friends from school. Your husband isn’t friends with your friend, so of course it’s not the same.

@Revelatio No, it isn’t just about that, Dh is friends with my friends too, that’s besides the point, I gave other examples too

I think when you get time to yourself you’re happier short term, but I know when dh is away after about 2 nights and bored and miss him tons (first two nights I watch things I’ve always wanted to watch on my own, feet up etc)

Hit post twice so editing to say sorry!

@Smellsofspring
so your DH goes out with your mates one on one and without you like you would do with your friends? If not, it’s not really the same relationship.

I’m happier by far as a single woman than I was with a partner. But, I enjoy my sons, love my dad, have male friends (albeit mostly non-straight ones). I do kind of see where you’re coming from though.

I don’t know. But I have never found groups of women to be particularly fun or supportive to be around. There is a different dynamic in a single sex group to a mixed sex group, but I personally feel far more wary in an all female group. It feels like a frantic minefield. A mixed group feels calmer to me - not all couples or anything. Just a mix of platonic people. I think a lot depends on you and the people you are with.

I'm definitely much happier on my own with my DC! I did have some crap relationships, but also had some good ones - It did not make the difference. I don't think I felt stressed and on edge because of how the guys were - its the constant need to be/ look/ behave in a certain way when they were around, which is tiring. I was always subtly criticised, made feel insecure and made to feel like I'm in competition with other females. Now, I simply don't care- I look the way I want to, I behave the way I feel and I feel happy. I would add that I have been single for 10 years with literally no attention from males whatsoever - no matter where I go etc- so maybe there is something in making an effort - but I'd rather feel relaxed and happy on my own ))

I would add that I hang out with both guys and girls, in mixed groups and I feel very happy and relaxed with both. Even my exes are fine and good company as they no longer have any hold over me.

Men probably feel the same way

Why is he still in your life? @VampireWeekday

Then why on earth are they still with those men?

I think there’s some truth to this. In general, men are more selfish and so want things to be about them. If there’s just a group of women and children it’s likely to be more about the kids and more relaxed than having men there too who are making demands, wanting attention and wanting things ‘their way’. IME.

I’ve noticed that when it comes to dating or fun relationship stuff just one on one without kids around it’s generally been fantastic with men i’ve known. But when it’s come to anything vaguely ‘partner-y’ as in life stuff it’s become a lot harder - from ending up with the lions share of the parenting or housework or even earning, to them really ditching out on any sort of ‘nuts and bolts of ordinary life’ things - so even things like a day out with the kids or Xmas etc has ended up more stressful. And i’ve had to facilitate and organise most of it. What has bothered me is the feeling of having to drag someone to these sorts of things but then if not bothering and doing my own thing having the inevitable ‘are you losing interest in me?’ conversation 🤯

So guess when it comes to sex or ‘romantic’ things I’ve had a way better time with a man in my life (obviously!!) but when it comes to actual life shit it’s easier without most of the time.

This

I’m not surprised in the slightest.

So many of my friends have said they feel they can be more relaxed without DP around and just get on with things.

Many men just don’t seem to have intuition to do stuff without us asking them. They need instructions. But of course it’s seen as nagging. When i have a female friend round, it’s a breath of fresh air. ‘Can I help you with xyz’.

I love my DH a lot, but my life has been the opposite direction of ‘thriving’ ever since I met him.

The question is “Am I being unreasonable to think lots of women are happier when men aren’t around”

”Lots” is ambiguous enough that it can’t really be considered unreasonable to think that.

A question with a little more bite might be something like “Am I being unreasonable to think that women can hardly expect men to improve if we keep putting up with their shit” 😉

Interesting that the poll results are even more pronounced (in the opposite direction) for what could be considered the converse question:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4871794-to-wonder-if-i-was-happier-without-friends

It’s nice to have a night off once in a while but that doesn’t mean I don’t value and am unhappy around men!

I agree with you OP

Same here.

I enjoy going out in couples.