To think lots of women are happier when men aren’t around

[Smellsofspring]

As in husbands/partners

I don’t mean in all cases and not all the time…but I have noticed it in so many situations. A girls lunch/night out with just my girlfriends is a lot happier/freer/more fun than when our partners join. The dynamics are different, most friends are more dampened versions of themselves when they’re around and I sometimes sense tension. Even family type play dates, if we do just mums and kids, again the atmosphere is better without out other halves. My mum, I can see is visibly happier when just us girls (sister and I) and kids hang out or she tells me when Dh is out as she gets some peace.
My Dsis is 100% a happier and different person as a single mum, than she was in relationships. She’s fun and talkative now, but was moody and withdrawn in previous partners company at family do’s etc.
I personally have had some nice days out/short breaks with Dh and Dd, but my fondest memories have been just her and I and our adventures together. In those memories we’d sing and dance in the car as we drove to places, no stress when driving, no complaining/moods, just pure joy and embracing things.
I don’t hate men, but this is something I notice more and more the older I get

Wow, really surprised by the poll results so far!

I'm honestly not trying to be one of those "not all men" women, we live in a misogynistic society and there are a disproportionate amount of pricks out there, but I think you're all being very forgiving of women also, perhaps I'm just unlucky, but a lot of the women in my life are really hard work especially in terms of competitiveness, being judgemental, I think some people here are idealising women as one homogeneous group, but the truth is, some people are just dicks, and a lot of women are dicks too...MN is the perfect example, hardly brings out the the brightest and best of some threads.

When it comes to strangers I feel safer around women, and on reflection, I much prefer the women I work with than the men (some exceptions) but in terms of the people I like, I can't say sex makes any difference, if I like them, I'm comfortable around them, and I'm lucky to have plenty of likeable men around me.

I love being out with girlfriends/ daughters/ granddaughters... I feel I suppress a lot when with my husband and he talks over me about himself, think this his low self esteem.

I feel the opposite. A good night out or any social occasion is better with my dh. I really don’t enjoy girls’ nights or lunches as much as I would as if the husbands are there.

We might be lucky that our friendship group gels really well between sexes.

I'm very happy with my DP but I think the dynamics change in mixed sex company. Too many men seem to feel they're the entertainment or that what they have to say is more important.

I got divorced recently and I'm a lot happier without my ExH.

He was hitting the mid 40s crisis and getting increasingly unpleasant to be around.

My personal opinion: a lot of people are dicks. Some men are ok, more women are ok.

They say women are socialised to care more about other people and certainly I generally find them more welcoming than men. (I also moved to a completely new area and am getting out and about to lots of new stuff).

Yes most of my friends feel "FREE" , we laugh like drains ,off load. This maybe because we are in our 40's & 50's & feel drained by them!

I think the longer the relationship is the more compromises need to be made to continue being together. Perhaps for harmony’s sake some women/men change certain aspects of their behaviour.

There are also usually long standing issues that are either not discussed any more or you have both agreed to disagree, but no longer discuss it. Ie one of you could be madly into politics and want to discuss it all day long and the other one finds it a total bore.

It doesn’t necessarily mean it’s an unhappy relationship, but when you are with friends you can be the more natural version of yourself. Plus most friends won’t get pissy with you for spouting off about your pet subject, whereas a partner might.

I think if you start finding that you have to hide your real personality from your partner just to keep the peace you should probably start re-evaluating the relationship.

Yes I'm 100% happier without men around. H is a misery or he bulldozes conversations or belittles people. Why I'm leaving. My dad was also awkward or if he wasn't centre of attention would sulk. I CBA with men. I just spent a glorious weekend with my best friend and our kids and I feel revived

Not for me! Love DH being around!

Me too! I voted YANABU expecting to be waaay in the minority. Bit sad. Are happier wothut women around I wonder?
Years of social conditioning I reckon.

Im single and live alone and love it.
Nothing could get me to change it either.
Its all about me me me.
Dont have to cook dont have to clean up mess only my own huge bed for me.
No bloody clutter no nagging no excuses.
I do all my own DIY no need for a man.
No constant nagging for sex.
No man no kids no pets no drama peaceful.
Do what i want without any thought.
If i want to jump on a plane and go to spain for a few days off i go.
Yes im happier single.

Sounds like you are around the wrong men.

Yes I agree OP.

My DH is a lovely guy, and a few years ago I'd have said I was happiest when with him. The last few years I think things have changed and as I've approached 40 I've suddenly realised that when he's not around I love the freedom to do what I want, on my schedule, my way. I don't have compromise, and factor him in, and organise him and listen to his stupid questions and complaints about things. It's just me and the kids, doing our thing. I absolutely fucking love it. He's away just now for over a month and it's brilliant. The kids really miss him though.

It isn't about him being a bad guy, or even about us being unhappily married. It's just that I've never really felt freedom.

All the things I like doing are even better when DH is doing them with me. I don't care if that makes me sound like a wet drip but he's my best mate and he's great fun and we always enjoy ourselves. As a child I know my mum enjoyed herself more without my Dad there but he could be (and still can be) bloody hard work.

In general this is true for me. It didn't used to be, when I was young, beautiful and without kids. Then men were great, they'd laughs at my jokes, engage in my conversation, all good times. Now I'm older and wiser, I find in general I much prefer the company of women. I don't like how men talk over me, patronise me, objectify me and then lose all interest when I make clear I'm not after their affections. I find that women are more interested in me as a full person.

I am very repressed around my DP, because he doesn't like me and so I automatically dampen my personality to avoid annoying him with my existence. He waits until people leave and then lays into me: "why did you lie to your dad in telling that anecdote? Why are you so rude to your mum? You told your aunt that you did the washing up but you fucking didn't, I did it" and so on, any tiny little thing he disagrees with gets analysed. I really notice it at family events, I'm all relaxed and laughing rather than upright and defensive. When he's there I don't tell jokes, I barely laugh at anyone else's, I don't volunteer any information and don't ask any questions.

I 100% agree with you OP.

Some husbands/boyfriends enjoy some time with their friends without their wives/partners too. Spending a bit of time with different people apart from a partner is quite healthy.

I think this is true but I suspect the point of the OP is that she thinks lots of women are happier without men period, so not just wanting to have an afternoon or evening to themselves but actually flourish more when they are without a man. I could be wrong but that is what I think they are saying.

Its not the case for me but this thread has been an eye opener.

@VampireWeekday Thats horrible, can you leave?

Women don’t need men anymore. Fine for procreation but get to menopause age, lose all those loved up hormones and providing you have a decent income, you can have more fun alone. Choice/independence/no one to put you down.

Exactly. Perhaps these people are just with the wrong partners (male or female) or that the relationships have run their course. Some of her examples are of how nights out are different without partners there, etc which can be true for both men and women.

Many men and women could say the same thing as she has. Does not mean it's necessarily a broader gender issue.

I think it can depend on the man. I’d rather spend time with my DSis without her DH as there’s often tension or DSis feels she has to manage him, but my other BIL is lovely and just fits in to everything (and helps with chores like dishes if round for a meal).

Do you think men feel the same too? Happier in their own groups? Would be interesting to know. I know couples who are both happier in their friendship groups than they are with each other or mixed. And that kind of works for them. For me, I like my DH around.

I had a long marriage, to a good man who I loved and who loved me. I don't recognised the obnoxious or useless middle aged man described here. When he died it was devastating, but despite that, now I'm on my own, I can see that I lost a lot of myself as part of a couple and I think I'm thriving better, myself, without him, even though he was lovely and I enjoyed spending time with him.

DC really need their Dad and I miss him for them, but my life is pretty good.