To be fuming at my mum over birthday present?

[SilverSeat]

DDs birthday on Wednesday. My mum asked me ages ago what she wanted and I said “well all she keeps going on about is this princess castle so I’m getting her that”. My mum said “oh can I get her that? I don’t know what else to get her”. I said “it’s expensive though, £80” my mum said “oh that’s fine!”.

now my mum has form for buying the complete opposite of what you’ve told her so I showed her a picture of it, the make, where to buy it etc - she said that’s fine. I said “ok if you’re definitely getting her that exact castle (it had to be that one as her cousin has it and DD is obsessed with it, as I explained) I’ll get her the electric car”.

i bought the car £80. My mum called yesterday and said she’d got the castle - great. She then added “it was a bargain! It was only £25!” My heart sank … I said “it can’t have been, where did you get it from??” And she told me the name of this shop. I asked her to send me a photo?” So she did …

it’s the complete opposite of what I showed her. It’s a grey medieval castle with soldiers and cannons etc. I said “I told you it was the pink princess castle!” And she said “Her dolls will fit in it though”

FFS

DD thinks she’s getting the princess castle and is so excited, now I have to go out and buy the bloody thing after already buying the car. My mum is “upset” that I’m replacing her present. She used to do this kind of shit to me when I was a kid and I’m not allowing DD to go through it. She cocked up one of her Christmas presents in the same manner. AIBU to be really fucking annoyed and AIBU to replace the present?

Id rather she didn’t buy her a present at all then at least I’d know what to buy!!

The OP is not be unreasonable to exoect her mum to get the pink princess castle her DD wants abd has agreed to buy , however @PrincessOfPreschool grey isn't a " boys " colour , it's just a colour.

🤦‍♀️

your mum is like my mum. It’s upsetting and maddening. Also, one gets called “ungrateful” for expressing any sort of upset when this happens. It’s about control. I sometimes thinks my mum likes the fun of this sort of sport (psychopath) so best to just get a refund on the car, and buy the pink castle. The unwanted grey castle can be your daughter’s “enemy abode” for her toys (fitting). Good luck op, I get it!

Well I’m afraid I think it can when young children know what’s coming. I think asking and hoping is part of the process of absorbing that it might not happen.

I feel really sorry for you OP and your 5 year old dd

I wonder if they would say this if it was the grey castle she wanted and your mum bought the pretty pink one instead?

😂

I think a lot of older people agree when chatting. and then see the price ,baulk and go for a cheaper option! It is just mad to do this though .In future ask for vouchers or a "surprise" without mentioning the longed for pressie .If you decide to get No 1 gift yourself then you are safe !

She was told the price before it was decided she would buy it.

Yeah Nan has put a right old spanner in the works.

The grey one probably can’t be returned either so she hasn’t saved 55 quid, she’s wasted 25.

Duff move Gran.

I've reared three to adulthood, and I can tell you categorically that it doesn't. Mine would usually have known about a couple of things they were getting and anything else was a surprise.

Yes, this entirely.

I think some people have forgotten what it's like to be a young child. You're totally reliant on adults to buy you things that you have your heart set on for special occasions like your birthday and Christmas. You are not able to just be disappointed at getting a present that you didn't want, sigh and then go out and buy the right one yourself.

Fair enough if you ask for something that is unrealistic or unaffordable (such as the entire country of Spain ) and your parents have to gently let you down and tell you that you can't have that. But if you've told them exactly what you really want, and they tell you that you will be getting exactly that, the sadness and frustration at not getting what you were promised is horrendous.

Yes, we have to manage children's expectations, but once we promise them that they can have something, it's nasty and controlling to just change your mind on a whim and give them something else instead, without a very good reason for it.

You are NOT unreasonable at all. I would be furious. I'd tell her to take it back and never buy my child a gift again.

I like it!!

I've often employed the opposite tactic, saying they're absolutely not getting something they asked for, and then producing it on the day! It's fun!

YANBU. I’d tell your mum to get a refund.

YANBU. I wouldn’t even accept the grey one if DM tries to bring it, just say there isn’t space.

Could you return the car when you get the castle? Or do an exchange if refund window has passed?

Don't you think it's a nice thing for children to be able to look forward to and be excited about something, though? A large part of the joy is in the anticipation.

Plus, what do you do when you really cannot buy them something they've asked for, so you tell them No - but they have learned what Mum is like, and that No actually means Yes; but then, on that occasion, they discover that No really did mean No?

I think the only unreasonable thing you did it believing your Mum would change after your lifetime of experiences with her. Next time don't give here the 'big' present to buy.

😂

But it's not what she wants ,sometimes little girls like playing with ,pink castles what's wrong with that?
Not everything has to be a learning experience

Nope, they're in their 20s and they've always been really excited to get whatever it was. Yes, I agree about looking forward which is why I also said that they usually knew in advance some of what they were getting.

Example - DC2 really wanted a pair of Docs. I am not really a fan and said so. I didn't say anything about whether she was getting them and she was over the moon when she unwrapped them.

They never got confused between yes/no either!

One way round this is make sure you go shopping with her when she's buying for your DD if she has promised a particular thing.

I'd swap the electric car for the pink castle. Tell your mum her castle may be wrong/ different but she's welcome to also give it, but include the receipt.
It's very annoying when someone doesn't understand instructions on a specific gift.
At least she didnt waste 200 quid on the wrong one!

She's five ,why can't she just have her pink castle!

Yes, do the equivalent for her as you do when allowing a little kid to 'help' you - pretending that setting the table or giving everybody a serviette is a crucial, extremely big task to achieve!

Tell her that DD is dead set on a certain specified pack of generic biros, so it doesn't matter at all whether she gets those exact pens, some different pens, a geometry set or some billiard chalk!

Missing the point spectacularly