To be fuming at my mum over birthday present?

[SilverSeat]

DDs birthday on Wednesday. My mum asked me ages ago what she wanted and I said “well all she keeps going on about is this princess castle so I’m getting her that”. My mum said “oh can I get her that? I don’t know what else to get her”. I said “it’s expensive though, £80” my mum said “oh that’s fine!”.

now my mum has form for buying the complete opposite of what you’ve told her so I showed her a picture of it, the make, where to buy it etc - she said that’s fine. I said “ok if you’re definitely getting her that exact castle (it had to be that one as her cousin has it and DD is obsessed with it, as I explained) I’ll get her the electric car”.

i bought the car £80. My mum called yesterday and said she’d got the castle - great. She then added “it was a bargain! It was only £25!” My heart sank … I said “it can’t have been, where did you get it from??” And she told me the name of this shop. I asked her to send me a photo?” So she did …

it’s the complete opposite of what I showed her. It’s a grey medieval castle with soldiers and cannons etc. I said “I told you it was the pink princess castle!” And she said “Her dolls will fit in it though”

FFS

DD thinks she’s getting the princess castle and is so excited, now I have to go out and buy the bloody thing after already buying the car. My mum is “upset” that I’m replacing her present. She used to do this kind of shit to me when I was a kid and I’m not allowing DD to go through it. She cocked up one of her Christmas presents in the same manner. AIBU to be really fucking annoyed and AIBU to replace the present?

Id rather she didn’t buy her a present at all then at least I’d know what to buy!!

Yes, this.

By deliberately giving her something very different from what she has specifically asked for, you've potentially taught her another big life lesson: that girls/women don't really know their own mind, so you can just ignore what they tell you they want and they can just be grateful for any old thing they're given instead.

Fair enough, then - you know your own children far better than I do!

How to fall.out with your mother over nothing.😄

Indeed 😄

By deliberately giving her something very different from what she has specifically asked for, you've potentially taught her another big life lesson: that girls/women don't really know their own mind, so you can just ignore what they tell you they want and they can just be grateful for any old thing they're given instead.

This is also an important point that's worth considering. Although i'm sure the OP's mother doesn't actually care that her actions will upset a child, or reinforce negative life lessons.

I would never let her buy the main present again. Next time tell her to give you money and you'll buy a present for her.

In future just tell her something vague that can't go too wrong eg horse toys. I'd be really annoyed.

I’m going to see if I can return the car tomorrow and have ordered the castle to pick up at the same time. What a bloody faff.

I understand this, my then 3 year old asked for certain doll that I bought the cheaper version of.
Day before Xmas eve she sobbed and sobbed after seeing Santa as he'd given her a book and not the doll when she'd tried so hard to be a good girl and could t understand why she didn't have that particular doll. I realised at that moment the cheaper doll was not was she'd asked for and spent hours (before Amazon and internet) driving round shops to find one.
Xmas morning was amazing with a super excited and happy girl. I learnt that day that sometimes you have to give your children what they ask for in special occasions if affordable and reasonable, it's so important to them.
I'm sorry your mum didn't see the importance of this and yanbu

I'm sorry it's an extra job when you thought everything was sorted, but remember you're a fantastic mum and your daughter will be so excited to get the castle.

As for your mother, If possible I would make sure she stays away from DD on her birthday. The last thing your daughter needs is granny moaning that you ruined her present or whispering unkind comments into your daughter ear.

I think if you knew your mum has form for this you were unreasonable to expect her to buy the main gift.

Why not just give her some ideas for other bits your dd might like.

You have power now that you didn’t have as a child, and have learned a valuable lesson: never give your mother this power again to ruin your child’s birthday/life/future depending on the situation. Just smile and give her something non important to buy. Never let your child’s happiness hinge on her. Accept your mother is either madly unaware or deliberately awful, and keep her at a controlling arms length.

Not being unreasonable to be annoyed or to replace the present.

Could you maybe take the car back and use that money for the castle?

It would really annoy me if I was specifically asked what to get my child; showed a photo etc; then they went and got something else.

Going forward I wouldn't give her any specific thing that your dd wants; just something generic that you know she'd like; animal pyjamas, fire engine, football, painting etc so that she isn't disappointed.

Absolutely I would and 8 stand by my comment.

What's the point of commenting if you're not going to read the OP properly? Literally the first thing OP says is that she was going to get it, she mentioned it to her mother, her mother then asked if she could get it instead, and OP warned her how expensive it was.

My mum used to do this and there was always disappointment after she had bigged up what we were getting. Even down to little things like promising cream cakes at the end of a holiday then turning up with a box all tied up with ribbon, and we got jam tarts.

Yabu... if you know she has form for this type of thing why trust her to get it right this time? I get you want to give her the benefit of the doubt but based on her track record of wrong gifts I would have told her something completely different not the main present x

I'm 50 when I was about five my parents had bought all of our presents for Xmas and took us to see Father Xmas a few days before Xmas and when he asked what i wanted I Appearently said a"Baby alive doll"which was news to my mum my poor mum rushed out and managed to get me the last one in the shop 😂
I have fond memories if that doll though!

Fingers crossed you get the castle she wants.

I once asked my mum to get something not too big for my child and she bought a bowling set that took up the whole room when it was set up and a lot of space to store! What I wish I'd said was that's great, you can keep it at yours!!!!

Some people just think they know best and don't care about your feelings.

Don’t want her growing a penis and a beard by playing with something not “pink and pretty”, do we?

x2boys that's so lovely! My daughter also has fond memories of that doll and loves the story of me rushing everywhere to find it! It was days where you could call Argos and no where had stock, I found one in Tesco actually spotted it from the door and ran to pick the last one up. She loved it and hearing your story is so lovely too 🥰

Oh for fucks sake

stop getting a hump over the fact it’s pretty and pink. It’s what the little girl wants. Girls are allowed to like pink you know. It’s not anti feminist to like pink

It’s her fucking birthday. Let her have a pink fucking castle

But the castle is what she’s asked for and a 5 year old would be disappointed if they were expecting something and didn’t get it.

She doesn’t need the car too but the OP got it because her mum was getting the castle. OP can return the car but now it’s just extra work for her. Her mum shouldn’t have said she was getting something if she wasn’t going to get it.

You have said she has form for this so you should not have relied on her, take the car back and get a refund, problem solved.