To be fuming at my mum over birthday present?

[SilverSeat]

DDs birthday on Wednesday. My mum asked me ages ago what she wanted and I said “well all she keeps going on about is this princess castle so I’m getting her that”. My mum said “oh can I get her that? I don’t know what else to get her”. I said “it’s expensive though, £80” my mum said “oh that’s fine!”.

now my mum has form for buying the complete opposite of what you’ve told her so I showed her a picture of it, the make, where to buy it etc - she said that’s fine. I said “ok if you’re definitely getting her that exact castle (it had to be that one as her cousin has it and DD is obsessed with it, as I explained) I’ll get her the electric car”.

i bought the car £80. My mum called yesterday and said she’d got the castle - great. She then added “it was a bargain! It was only £25!” My heart sank … I said “it can’t have been, where did you get it from??” And she told me the name of this shop. I asked her to send me a photo?” So she did …

it’s the complete opposite of what I showed her. It’s a grey medieval castle with soldiers and cannons etc. I said “I told you it was the pink princess castle!” And she said “Her dolls will fit in it though”

FFS

DD thinks she’s getting the princess castle and is so excited, now I have to go out and buy the bloody thing after already buying the car. My mum is “upset” that I’m replacing her present. She used to do this kind of shit to me when I was a kid and I’m not allowing DD to go through it. She cocked up one of her Christmas presents in the same manner. AIBU to be really fucking annoyed and AIBU to replace the present?

Id rather she didn’t buy her a present at all then at least I’d know what to buy!!

I know you didn't ask me but largely yes.

We go through the Smyths catalogue, somethings I say no to then and there because they are too big/impractical/has something similar/wrong age group etc. The things that make it onto the list we then ask which one is the main ones he desperately wants. Usually limit this to three things so one we buy, one my parents buy and one DHs parents buy. Everything else we pick the things we want to buy from there and offer the rest out as suggestions only when specifically asked for. Obviously we do buy 'off-list' as well if there is something we really think he'll like or need.

If, for any reason one of those main presents can't be got, we explain to him as early as possible and choose another idea.

What we don't do is build up hopes then let him down.

So what?

YANBU What are you going to do?
So annoying when you told her how much it cost and she agreed.

YANBU OP.

My mum has form for this. Still waiting for the vouchers she was supposed to send my dc for Christmas.

No. But in a restaurant I'm paying for it so I don't really understand your analogy.
The child wanted a castle. The child is getting a castle.
My dc have asked for things in the past that have not been feasible for whatever reason. Real tiger for one - should they have got that?!

That is annoying. Why bother asking if she doesn’t get the gift you say. She’s as well just doing her own thing.

My mum did this to me as a child and did it to my children for years. I now insist she gives me some money and I get it sent to her to wrap from Amazon. My children were always so disappointed and I always ended up buying extra that I couldn't afford to compensate. She gave my eldest aged about 11 one of those cardboard books that plays noises as she'd seen her idly looking at it in a shop. It was suitable for a toddler. At least now they get what they want and she contributes a small amount (she's very tight) so I'm still supplementing but at least they're not doubling up.

You're either being obtuse deliberately here or completely missing the point. I'm hoping it's the latter.

This child really wants the same castle as her cousin. Her mum was going to buy it until granny insisted and then granny decided nah fuck it I'll get something else. It's really not that difficult to understand.

Your mum is unreasonable but it's obvious this was compeltely predictable so I think you have to share the blame.

No, children may not always get everything they want. That's fine. It's normal. Good even.

But.
If you have decided that you want to and will get your child a specific item.
Then someone else asks you if they can buy that specific item instead.
And you tell them it's OK, you'll get it, it's expensive
And they insist it's fine, they want to get it...

It is in no way unreasonable to expect they buy the fucker! Nor is it the rught item to use as a lesson in kids not getting everything they want.

Got this brought back memories too.

Dd wanted a kitchen for Christmas one year. My Nan insisted on buying the kitchen. I even showed her the exact one. Instead she turned up with a flimsy £10 B&M kitchen that fell apart every time they even went near it, and bought lots of other little cheap presents too. All which cost more than the kitchen dd wanted.

I don’t know if she has kicked in now though, cos instead she asks what they would like and gets it exactly right.

Take the car back

Buy the castle

My dd almost 7 would be the same

If she asked for something specific she would be upset if didn't get it

Never trust your mum to buy the right thing so don't give her the option next time

Don't let your mum buy the thing your DD really wants, you know she has form. My parents used to buy something similar (and always somehow worse) but not the exact thing. They seemed to think it was morally superior or something to not give me exactly what I'd asked for. Not sure why, as I wasn't a spoilt or selfish child - I did lots of chores and didn't ask for expensive presents. It used to make me think they didn't really care.

Give your mum a generic present list to pick from - things you know DD will generally like and always act pleased with whatever she gets.

Maybe she can’t-afford £80 for the castle?

@Owl55 then she should have said that - not agreed to buy it.

Yes it's irritating that you have to go out and buy the present because she got the wrong one. But if she 'has form' for buying the wrong thing, why would you put her in charge of your DDs most Important present? You could have just asked her to get something small or some clothes or something, then it wouldn't have mattered?

But OP told her it was £80 and her mother insisted it was ok!

"DDs birthday on Wednesday. My mum asked me ages ago what she wanted and I said “well all she keeps going on about is this princess castle so I’m getting her that”. My mum said “oh can I get her that? I don’t know what else to get her”. I said “it’s expensive though, £80” my mum said “oh that’s fine!”."

Then she shouldn't have said it was fine.

The why agree to buy it in the first place?

I swear people on here will find literally any excuse to excuse crappy behaviour.

@Blondeshavemorefun you're not getting my analogy because you're being obtuse.

The OP and her DD don't want a shit castle, they'd decided on one they both liked.

If you are asked and confirm that you'll buy something, then stick to it and don't buy a shot alternative to "teach" the child that isn't yours a lesson.

Well then she shouldn't have promised to buy it. She should have said it was beyond her budget. Not promise to buy that specific castle then buy a cheaper one.

Then why the fuck say she could

I understand perfectly what's happened. My first post which @puzzledout has issue with was me saying dc don't always get what they want. Is that hard for you to understand?

My MIL said she and FIL would pay half of our wedding reception. We booked it, my parents paid their half (£1000 at the time- 1990s) and MIL decided she wanted to buy us a washing machine (£150 at the time) Needless to say DH was dispatched to have’ ‘the conversation’ and she paid up. We only chose that reception because they were going to split it. She has in 27 years of marriage had form for this but we are now forewarned.

Then she should have said so right from the beginning. Instead, she said £80 was no issue.

It's amazing to me how many people don't get what this is all about. It's not about pink, it's not about entitlement, it's about the op's mother deliberately causing hurt and problems.